DEAR SIR,
As is customary at this time of year, I have compiled a list of the most popular boys and girls names of 2006, from the births announcements of your paper.
BOYS
1. Whitey
2. Ducky
3. Chris
4. Kris
5. Cheeky
6. Ryan
7. Simba
8. Jeff
9. Chico
10. Hershey
GIRLS
1. Marissa
2. Ducky
3. Spurry
4. Spurinda
5. Nazalia
6. Sabrina
7. Carly
8. Mabel
9. Chica
10. Clara
Yours,
J. Badger
Smallvania
In other news
Vicious food poisoning bug hits Boston, cleaners on 'high alert'
Jellycats hosting New Years Eve party with fireworks in Boston tonight, 8pm - 8am
Hershey mourns death of soul legend James Brown
King Chris puts virtual tour of historic Smallvania Castle online
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
The Queen's Speech
Here we publish Spurry's Christmas message for 2006, in this special Christmas Eve edition of the Toyland Express. Merry Christmas!
TE
TE
Postman becomes first toy to use hair products
THE TOYLAND EXPRESS can exclusively reveal pictures of Bratz doll Ryan Atwood becoming the first toy in known history to have his hair gelled or waxed.
Photographs leaked to the Express from an anonymous source show the pin-up postman having his hair done by Natalie Star, sister of Atwood's girlfriend Nazzy.
Celebrity gossip columnist Peeping Penny said of the photographs, 'This clearly shows tension in the Ryan/Nazzy relationship. She can just be seen in the background of the photo actually lying down, probably in tears, at her sister running her hands through her boyfriend's blonde locks.'
Nazzy later denied these rumours and told us to go and read last week's issue of Hello! magazine, which shows the pair in apparent domestic bliss.
Another Polly, Polly Pocket, was similarly worried by the photograph. 'I hope this doesn't mean Natalie is opening up a hair salon!' Polly Pocket owns the only hairdressers in Toyland, and one of the few shops not to be owned by Bramble Enterprises.
When we asked Atwood how he felt about being the first doll to have his hair done with hair products, he declined to comment, but did insist, 'I'm not a doll, I'm an action figure!'
Ryan is twenty-two years old.
Photographs leaked to the Express from an anonymous source show the pin-up postman having his hair done by Natalie Star, sister of Atwood's girlfriend Nazzy.
Celebrity gossip columnist Peeping Penny said of the photographs, 'This clearly shows tension in the Ryan/Nazzy relationship. She can just be seen in the background of the photo actually lying down, probably in tears, at her sister running her hands through her boyfriend's blonde locks.'
Nazzy later denied these rumours and told us to go and read last week's issue of Hello! magazine, which shows the pair in apparent domestic bliss.
Another Polly, Polly Pocket, was similarly worried by the photograph. 'I hope this doesn't mean Natalie is opening up a hair salon!' Polly Pocket owns the only hairdressers in Toyland, and one of the few shops not to be owned by Bramble Enterprises.
When we asked Atwood how he felt about being the first doll to have his hair done with hair products, he declined to comment, but did insist, 'I'm not a doll, I'm an action figure!'
Ryan is twenty-two years old.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
The Story of Marissa
Christmas posting frenzy! Here is the story of how our very own Marissa Cooper moved into Toyland, exclusive to the Toyland Express!
The Story of Marissa
(or 'Loud American Dolly goes to Toyland')
A tall girl, about twelve inches high, scrambled out from a pile of fluffy bunnies and crumpled up paper with wax crayon sketches on. She was alone and forgotten, but determined to make herself a success. She had long brown hair, an expensive looking pink dress with white poodles on, and purple high-heels. Most importantly, she had a radiant smile making her an exceptionally pretty teenager. She was sixteen, ‘sweet sixteen’ as she said, and she was not going to let anyone get in her way – not even her legs which were sewn on the wrong way round. Her name was Marissa Cooper, a fashionable and loud American from California.
Her Daddy had sent her to England to learn how to behave, as he was very rich and could afford things like that. She started her journey armed only with a handbag to match her dress and lots of money. Unfortunately she hadn’t made any friends yet, because people found her too loud. She was, though, a charming girl inside if only someone gave her a chance.
Marissa’s first task was to escape the Land of Old Toys, as she’d named it, and somehow get upstairs into Emily’s bedroom. There were stories of bright lights, fame and fortune in Emily’s room – where everyone got constant attention, where there were shops and restaurants and spectacular views. The All-American girl, this sounded like a dream to Marissa.
Marissa was currently standing on a cold wooden floor, coughing occasionally from the dust, and the room’s door closed, the handle impossible to reach. She promised to herself she was going to make it, checking her hair in her pocket mirror. Now, no one ever really spoke to Marissa, as she wasn’t a bear or a plastic doll. The people of the Land of Old Toys were not friendly – they were too sad about being forgotten by Emily. All the bears stuck together and so did all the plastic dolls. But she had heard in the cold lonely nights in the weeks since she had arrived in England that Emily’s room was a very long way away and it wasn’t worth trying to get there. Marissa was not a girl to take no for an answer though, and because in America you only have to be sixteen to drive, she knew how to drive a car. There was only one car in the Land, a blue Barbie convertible that was never used.
‘Hey! Excuse-me, hey, my name is Marissa and I couldn’t help but noticing what a nice car you have!’ Marissa smiled and said in her happy American accent. The Barbies towered over her, looking very fashionable but not very friendly. They stared at her until she said something else.
‘OK, yeah, so I was thinking like maybe I could like buy it?’ she kept smiling. The Barbies didn’t seem to like Marissa. One of them had a little puppy Dalmatian at her feet, which had just noticed the poodles on Marissa’s dress. It instantly jumped up towards her; its front paws on Marissa’s waist. She took a step back, surprised, and the Barbies giggled as she giggled too.
‘OK Spotty if you like her then she can have the car,’ said one of the Barbies (Marissa couldn’t tell which one as they all looked identical, except for the clothes they were wearing). Marissa’s face lit up as she bought the car and skipped immediately into the front seat, putting her bag on the passenger seat. She thought that Spotty was a very boring name for a Dalmatian but was so thankful to the Barbies that she didn’t say anything, though normally loud Marissa would certainly have commented.
The car was in an awful state. It was very dirty, so much that it looked dark blue in colour. Marissa rubbed away some dirt on the bonnet and saw it was a light sky blue colour underneath. It drove okay though, and Marissa was so excited that she left right away, driving whole metres happily listening to a crackling radio station before she had to stop.
She had to stop because the door was closed. Marissa was tall, but not that tall. The handle was about four times her height upwards, and even if she was that tall, it was made of heavy gold metal and Marissa was not strong. Her Daddy had always done all the manual work at home in sunny California. Marissa let out a little moan and parked the car right there, in the middle of the wooden floor, with no sign of anyone about to help her. There wasn’t even anything she could climb up onto to get to the handle.
Marissa sat there for hours, missing her Mummy and Daddy, and dreaming of Emily’s room – the shops, restaurants and spectacular views – where bears and lions and people were friends. Would she be stuck here forever? She angrily spat out her chewing gum, and it landed right on the steering wheel.
‘Oh brother!’ Marissa had had enough. She went to pick it off with her hands, but one end just got stuck to her hand while the other stayed on the steering wheel. Oh what a mess! ‘I knew I should have brought bubblegum!’ she thought. Then suddenly she had the best idea she’d had for a long time – or since deciding to buy the car, at least.
She got out the car, a long thread of chewing gum still joining her hand to the steering wheel, and ran as fast as she could away from car so that it came unstuck. Marissa could run very fast, as she was very fit and healthy, being the captain of the school cheerleading team back in the USA. She ran so hard away from the car that when she chewing gum snapped she fell right on her face and slip across the wooden floor. This didn’t bother her though, as she was too pleased with herself about her plan. She ran to the big door, and began to chew another piece of chewing gum. She spat it out so that it hit the door a little way above her head. She then chewed another piece and spat it onto her hand, and it stuck like superglue. Some distance back, a toy shouted something, but Marissa wasn’t interested. She jumped up so that her clean hand touched the gum on the door, and began climbing slowly up the door, using the gum to keep her stuck. It wasn’t very safe, and it wasn’t very fun – and all Marissa could smell was the sickly mint on her little hands. But she was very light, so chewing gum could hold her.
After what seemed like forever, she reached the door handle. She looked down and squealed – she was so high up above her car! There was no turning back now though – Marissa wasn’t going to stay in the Land of Old Toys for the rest of her life. Now Marissa was at the handle, she realised she hadn’t thought how she was going to pull down on the heavy handle. Eventually she took a fresh strip of gum from her little packet (which was running out now, so she’d have to get this right first time) and wound it round the handle. She then held onto the end and slowly slid down to the floor, which pulled the handle down a tiny amount, before running to her car and sticking the gum to the boot. She got into the driver’s seat, and pushed down on the accelerator pedal as hard as should could, driving away from the door so that the super-strength chewing gum pulled the door open quick enough before the handle went up again. To everyone’s surprise, this ridiculous plan worked, though Marissa was now out of gum. She turned around and drove towards the open door, which let the sun into her eyes from the room next door.
‘See ya later guys! I’m going to the bright lights!’ Marissa waved goodbye to her old life in the Land of Old Toys. Now she just had to find her way to Emily’s room, wherever that was.
Marissa Cooper now found herself on the edge of a huge, bright room with wicker furniture and lots of windows. There were doors opening out onto a huge garden. The only way forward into the house was through what looked like the kitchen. It was very quiet and Marissa thought there must be no one around. She was awfully hungry and having run out of chewing gum decided to park her car and find some food.
‘I wanna a burger!’ she exclaimed to herself, as burgers were her favourite food, though she knew how unhealthy they were. Looking up at the high cupboards and cutting boards, there was no sign of any burgers, or anything in fact, except the fruit bowl. Marissa couldn’t open any more cupboards; especially now she’d run out of gum, as she kept remembering. Anyway, Marissa eyed up the fruit bowl. It was like a tropical paradise of every different colour imaginable – greens, yellows, oranges, red, purple. And as Marissa was only twelve inches tall, the fruit was incredibly big.
There was a gap between the cupboard units on which the fruit sat and the wall, and Marissa headed straight for this gap. She slipped off her purple high-heels off and pushed her feet against the cupboard, and her back against the wall. Then she slowly climbed up this way. This wasn’t too hard for fit and active Marissa Cooper. She got to the top and back flipped right into the middle of a bunch of grapes. To her, each one was like a watermelon, and so she only had one, eating around the pip in the middle. She rolled some down into her car though, before jumping back down to the floor.
So far so good, thought our favourite American girl.
The next door led into a small lounge-type room with yellow couches, an unlit fire, a little television and a small white rocking chair, only big enough for a child. Marissa drove in and stopped in front of it, wondering which direction to take next. Sunshine burst in through the windows in this room, so she put on her sunglasses, which effortlessly matched her dress, shoes and handbag.
Suddenly, a deep, slow and strong sounding voice called out, ‘Yes? What is your problem?’
Marissa jumped, as she had no idea where the voice was coming from. She looked all around her, worried. She didn’t think she had a problem, and did not like the sound of this voice being all nosy and rude about it anyway. Then she heard a tremendous yawn that shook the rocking chair back, and then forwards. Marissa shut her eyes from the shock and for a moment was scared the whole chair was going to fall on top of her, which would certainly end her journey. When it swung back again and eventually settled she was relieved.
That wasn’t the end of her problems though in this room, as staring upwards at the seat of the chair, she saw a grumbling bear slowly come to the edge of it so that it could see her. Marissa was now scared the bear was going to fall on top of her, which also would certainly end her journey, and although it was shorter than her it looked much stronger and better built.
‘Hel-lo’, the bear slowly repeated. He spoke as if he had all time to say every word he was saying, and didn’t want to rush at all. His voice was so deep that it made Marissa’s stomach shake, with the watermelon grape still rolling around inside. The bear looked friendly enough, but very old. His face was drawn with lines and he looked so tired, and Marissa was scared she’d woken him up, and how he would be angry if she had. Marissa wanted to make friends not enemies!
‘I’m so sorry, sir, it’s just I’m j-j-just lost and new and lonely and I want my Mommy!’ A little tear ran down Marissa’s face, and landed on her steering wheel. She kept talking, something she did when she was nervous. ‘I’m new and lonely and I just want to get upstairs to find Emily and some friends and live the American Dream but now I’ve woken you up and you’re so angry and I know you are but I’m so sorry please don’t hurt me…’
‘Marissa,’ growled the bear in a deep voice, and the dolly’s voice faded away. Marissa wondered how this bear knew her name. He must be very clever, or even magic.
‘You told me your name, just now, don’t worry.’ He was definitely magic or something, though Marissa. It was like he had read her mind! ‘I am Wise Teddy, and I am very wise because I sit here watching everyone go past me about their lives. No one ever looks at me but I have learnt a lot from watching them. I can try and help you with any problems.’ This took a long time for Wise Teddy to say, and Marissa was dying to say something.
‘I’m so pleased to meet you Wise Teddy! My name’s Marissa Cooper and I’m lost, could you tell me where I am and where I’m going to and how I get there and things?’ She smiled sweetly, though Wise Teddy didn’t really care. He scrunched up his face and smiled a knowing smile.
‘You are in the Breakfast Room,’ he began, at which Marissa’s stomach seemed to exclaim. However there was no food to be seem anywhere in the room. ‘If you want to find Emily then she’ll be in her room, and to get there you need to go out that door,’ he pointed, ‘and go up the stairs. At the top it’s the door right in front of you. The person in charge is King Cheeky.’
Wow, a king, thought Marissa. There was no ruler in the Land of Old Toys. ‘Thank you so much, I’ll come and visit you when I’m a successful dolly! Do you take tips?’
‘No you don’t have to pay me!’ chuckled Wise Teddy. Marissa was pleased she had managed to make the sombre old teddy smile, as she drove off at top speed towards the staircase, which went up round and round. The stairs were very tall though, and with Marissa sitting in her car she could hardly see over the top of the bottom one. As any clever child will wonder, how do toys climb stairs? Marissa could have used her gymnastic skills to get up in no time, but she didn’t want to leave her new blue convertible behind. Though she wasn’t strong enough to lift it, and besides, that would make her hands all oily. She needed a method to get up the stairs as good as the chewing gum, but didn’t want to bother tired old Wise Teddy again.
So Marissa drove past the stairs into the biggest single room she’d seen all day. It was like the Breakfast Room but bigger, with a bigger fire, a bigger TV, and more couches. Her plan was to park right in the middle of the floor so that Emily or somebody would notice and pick her up and take her upstairs. But who would take Marissa upstairs? Marissa was not a popular toy, and if someone saw her in a Barbie car in the middle of the lounge, they’d take her back to the Land of Old Toys in seconds! That would be absolutely awful. Marissa got out of her car and began to nibble on her sweetie necklace.
Just then another bear came skipping past. He seemed like the opposite of Wise Teddy – he was energetic, tall and happy. He was skipping around in ever-bigger circles as if he hadn’t a care in the world. He was white and wore a red ribbon around his neck, and looked such good fun! Marissa whistled to get his attention, looking to make a new friend while she thought how she was going to get up those stairs with her car. The teddy skipped up to her and stopped a few inches short of her smiling face.
‘I’m White Teddy, or Whitey, to my friends.’ He stuck out a big furry paw for Marissa to shake. She took it, and introduced herself. Immediately Whitey grabbed her other hand and started a round of Ring a Roses. Marissa couldn’t help but laugh at what good fun Whitey was. He must be so popular, one of Emily’s favourites surely!
Suddenly, though, Marissa heard footsteps coming down the wooden floors of the corridor that she’d just driven down. With remarkable quick thinking, she stopped dancing and told Whitey to get in the car, in the drivers seat. She jumped into the passenger seat and whispered into Whitey’s ear.
‘We’re going to trick someone into taking us upstairs. Do you live upstairs?’ Whitey was clearly excited at the sound of a trick. He was something of a mischievous bear, and up for any fun that was happening.
‘No I live wherever Emily leaves me. Sometimes its upstairs. I used to live at the top of the bed!’ Whitey boomed.
‘Shhh! Someone will hear us! But really, the top of the bed?’ Marissa was impressed, as that was where the best of the best toys would sleep, right with Emily. Whitey seemed pleased with himself for sitting in a car with a beautiful girl like Marissa, and wanted to impress her more.
‘I once got left on holiday and was posted back!’ he said. Marissa told him to be quiet again and he did, as there was somebody in the room now. Both toys sat still, Marissa’s fingers crossed that the person would do as she hoped. The person walked right up to the car, the shoes almost kicking a dirty mark into Marissa’s car. Marissa let out a little squeal. The person immediately looked down. Instinctively Marissa grabbed Whitey’s furry paw again for comfort. The person then swooped down like an eagle and grabbed the whole car, and Marissa and Whitey both thought they were going to fall out of the top. They hadn’t had time to put on their seatbelts, you see. The person stopped to read some boring bit of paper beside a lampshade, as American Dolly and White Teddy hung in mid air in a Barbie car. Eventually they were carried at what seemed like a ridiculously fast speed up the stairs and thrown across a big room onto a soft bed. Like a cat, luckily they landed on their feet, or in this case, their wheels.
‘It worked! It worked! We’re here! I think, anyway. Emily’s room!’ Marissa was so excited. Lots of friendly but new toys were staring at her and Whitey, but mostly her, and lots had never seen the car before either. Whitey jumped out of the car and told Marissa he’d show her around. She really liked Whitey and was looking forward to setting up a new home.
The End
The Story of Marissa
(or 'Loud American Dolly goes to Toyland')
A tall girl, about twelve inches high, scrambled out from a pile of fluffy bunnies and crumpled up paper with wax crayon sketches on. She was alone and forgotten, but determined to make herself a success. She had long brown hair, an expensive looking pink dress with white poodles on, and purple high-heels. Most importantly, she had a radiant smile making her an exceptionally pretty teenager. She was sixteen, ‘sweet sixteen’ as she said, and she was not going to let anyone get in her way – not even her legs which were sewn on the wrong way round. Her name was Marissa Cooper, a fashionable and loud American from California.
Her Daddy had sent her to England to learn how to behave, as he was very rich and could afford things like that. She started her journey armed only with a handbag to match her dress and lots of money. Unfortunately she hadn’t made any friends yet, because people found her too loud. She was, though, a charming girl inside if only someone gave her a chance.
Marissa’s first task was to escape the Land of Old Toys, as she’d named it, and somehow get upstairs into Emily’s bedroom. There were stories of bright lights, fame and fortune in Emily’s room – where everyone got constant attention, where there were shops and restaurants and spectacular views. The All-American girl, this sounded like a dream to Marissa.
Marissa was currently standing on a cold wooden floor, coughing occasionally from the dust, and the room’s door closed, the handle impossible to reach. She promised to herself she was going to make it, checking her hair in her pocket mirror. Now, no one ever really spoke to Marissa, as she wasn’t a bear or a plastic doll. The people of the Land of Old Toys were not friendly – they were too sad about being forgotten by Emily. All the bears stuck together and so did all the plastic dolls. But she had heard in the cold lonely nights in the weeks since she had arrived in England that Emily’s room was a very long way away and it wasn’t worth trying to get there. Marissa was not a girl to take no for an answer though, and because in America you only have to be sixteen to drive, she knew how to drive a car. There was only one car in the Land, a blue Barbie convertible that was never used.
‘Hey! Excuse-me, hey, my name is Marissa and I couldn’t help but noticing what a nice car you have!’ Marissa smiled and said in her happy American accent. The Barbies towered over her, looking very fashionable but not very friendly. They stared at her until she said something else.
‘OK, yeah, so I was thinking like maybe I could like buy it?’ she kept smiling. The Barbies didn’t seem to like Marissa. One of them had a little puppy Dalmatian at her feet, which had just noticed the poodles on Marissa’s dress. It instantly jumped up towards her; its front paws on Marissa’s waist. She took a step back, surprised, and the Barbies giggled as she giggled too.
‘OK Spotty if you like her then she can have the car,’ said one of the Barbies (Marissa couldn’t tell which one as they all looked identical, except for the clothes they were wearing). Marissa’s face lit up as she bought the car and skipped immediately into the front seat, putting her bag on the passenger seat. She thought that Spotty was a very boring name for a Dalmatian but was so thankful to the Barbies that she didn’t say anything, though normally loud Marissa would certainly have commented.
The car was in an awful state. It was very dirty, so much that it looked dark blue in colour. Marissa rubbed away some dirt on the bonnet and saw it was a light sky blue colour underneath. It drove okay though, and Marissa was so excited that she left right away, driving whole metres happily listening to a crackling radio station before she had to stop.
She had to stop because the door was closed. Marissa was tall, but not that tall. The handle was about four times her height upwards, and even if she was that tall, it was made of heavy gold metal and Marissa was not strong. Her Daddy had always done all the manual work at home in sunny California. Marissa let out a little moan and parked the car right there, in the middle of the wooden floor, with no sign of anyone about to help her. There wasn’t even anything she could climb up onto to get to the handle.
Marissa sat there for hours, missing her Mummy and Daddy, and dreaming of Emily’s room – the shops, restaurants and spectacular views – where bears and lions and people were friends. Would she be stuck here forever? She angrily spat out her chewing gum, and it landed right on the steering wheel.
‘Oh brother!’ Marissa had had enough. She went to pick it off with her hands, but one end just got stuck to her hand while the other stayed on the steering wheel. Oh what a mess! ‘I knew I should have brought bubblegum!’ she thought. Then suddenly she had the best idea she’d had for a long time – or since deciding to buy the car, at least.
She got out the car, a long thread of chewing gum still joining her hand to the steering wheel, and ran as fast as she could away from car so that it came unstuck. Marissa could run very fast, as she was very fit and healthy, being the captain of the school cheerleading team back in the USA. She ran so hard away from the car that when she chewing gum snapped she fell right on her face and slip across the wooden floor. This didn’t bother her though, as she was too pleased with herself about her plan. She ran to the big door, and began to chew another piece of chewing gum. She spat it out so that it hit the door a little way above her head. She then chewed another piece and spat it onto her hand, and it stuck like superglue. Some distance back, a toy shouted something, but Marissa wasn’t interested. She jumped up so that her clean hand touched the gum on the door, and began climbing slowly up the door, using the gum to keep her stuck. It wasn’t very safe, and it wasn’t very fun – and all Marissa could smell was the sickly mint on her little hands. But she was very light, so chewing gum could hold her.
After what seemed like forever, she reached the door handle. She looked down and squealed – she was so high up above her car! There was no turning back now though – Marissa wasn’t going to stay in the Land of Old Toys for the rest of her life. Now Marissa was at the handle, she realised she hadn’t thought how she was going to pull down on the heavy handle. Eventually she took a fresh strip of gum from her little packet (which was running out now, so she’d have to get this right first time) and wound it round the handle. She then held onto the end and slowly slid down to the floor, which pulled the handle down a tiny amount, before running to her car and sticking the gum to the boot. She got into the driver’s seat, and pushed down on the accelerator pedal as hard as should could, driving away from the door so that the super-strength chewing gum pulled the door open quick enough before the handle went up again. To everyone’s surprise, this ridiculous plan worked, though Marissa was now out of gum. She turned around and drove towards the open door, which let the sun into her eyes from the room next door.
‘See ya later guys! I’m going to the bright lights!’ Marissa waved goodbye to her old life in the Land of Old Toys. Now she just had to find her way to Emily’s room, wherever that was.
Marissa Cooper now found herself on the edge of a huge, bright room with wicker furniture and lots of windows. There were doors opening out onto a huge garden. The only way forward into the house was through what looked like the kitchen. It was very quiet and Marissa thought there must be no one around. She was awfully hungry and having run out of chewing gum decided to park her car and find some food.
‘I wanna a burger!’ she exclaimed to herself, as burgers were her favourite food, though she knew how unhealthy they were. Looking up at the high cupboards and cutting boards, there was no sign of any burgers, or anything in fact, except the fruit bowl. Marissa couldn’t open any more cupboards; especially now she’d run out of gum, as she kept remembering. Anyway, Marissa eyed up the fruit bowl. It was like a tropical paradise of every different colour imaginable – greens, yellows, oranges, red, purple. And as Marissa was only twelve inches tall, the fruit was incredibly big.
There was a gap between the cupboard units on which the fruit sat and the wall, and Marissa headed straight for this gap. She slipped off her purple high-heels off and pushed her feet against the cupboard, and her back against the wall. Then she slowly climbed up this way. This wasn’t too hard for fit and active Marissa Cooper. She got to the top and back flipped right into the middle of a bunch of grapes. To her, each one was like a watermelon, and so she only had one, eating around the pip in the middle. She rolled some down into her car though, before jumping back down to the floor.
So far so good, thought our favourite American girl.
The next door led into a small lounge-type room with yellow couches, an unlit fire, a little television and a small white rocking chair, only big enough for a child. Marissa drove in and stopped in front of it, wondering which direction to take next. Sunshine burst in through the windows in this room, so she put on her sunglasses, which effortlessly matched her dress, shoes and handbag.
Suddenly, a deep, slow and strong sounding voice called out, ‘Yes? What is your problem?’
Marissa jumped, as she had no idea where the voice was coming from. She looked all around her, worried. She didn’t think she had a problem, and did not like the sound of this voice being all nosy and rude about it anyway. Then she heard a tremendous yawn that shook the rocking chair back, and then forwards. Marissa shut her eyes from the shock and for a moment was scared the whole chair was going to fall on top of her, which would certainly end her journey. When it swung back again and eventually settled she was relieved.
That wasn’t the end of her problems though in this room, as staring upwards at the seat of the chair, she saw a grumbling bear slowly come to the edge of it so that it could see her. Marissa was now scared the bear was going to fall on top of her, which also would certainly end her journey, and although it was shorter than her it looked much stronger and better built.
‘Hel-lo’, the bear slowly repeated. He spoke as if he had all time to say every word he was saying, and didn’t want to rush at all. His voice was so deep that it made Marissa’s stomach shake, with the watermelon grape still rolling around inside. The bear looked friendly enough, but very old. His face was drawn with lines and he looked so tired, and Marissa was scared she’d woken him up, and how he would be angry if she had. Marissa wanted to make friends not enemies!
‘I’m so sorry, sir, it’s just I’m j-j-just lost and new and lonely and I want my Mommy!’ A little tear ran down Marissa’s face, and landed on her steering wheel. She kept talking, something she did when she was nervous. ‘I’m new and lonely and I just want to get upstairs to find Emily and some friends and live the American Dream but now I’ve woken you up and you’re so angry and I know you are but I’m so sorry please don’t hurt me…’
‘Marissa,’ growled the bear in a deep voice, and the dolly’s voice faded away. Marissa wondered how this bear knew her name. He must be very clever, or even magic.
‘You told me your name, just now, don’t worry.’ He was definitely magic or something, though Marissa. It was like he had read her mind! ‘I am Wise Teddy, and I am very wise because I sit here watching everyone go past me about their lives. No one ever looks at me but I have learnt a lot from watching them. I can try and help you with any problems.’ This took a long time for Wise Teddy to say, and Marissa was dying to say something.
‘I’m so pleased to meet you Wise Teddy! My name’s Marissa Cooper and I’m lost, could you tell me where I am and where I’m going to and how I get there and things?’ She smiled sweetly, though Wise Teddy didn’t really care. He scrunched up his face and smiled a knowing smile.
‘You are in the Breakfast Room,’ he began, at which Marissa’s stomach seemed to exclaim. However there was no food to be seem anywhere in the room. ‘If you want to find Emily then she’ll be in her room, and to get there you need to go out that door,’ he pointed, ‘and go up the stairs. At the top it’s the door right in front of you. The person in charge is King Cheeky.’
Wow, a king, thought Marissa. There was no ruler in the Land of Old Toys. ‘Thank you so much, I’ll come and visit you when I’m a successful dolly! Do you take tips?’
‘No you don’t have to pay me!’ chuckled Wise Teddy. Marissa was pleased she had managed to make the sombre old teddy smile, as she drove off at top speed towards the staircase, which went up round and round. The stairs were very tall though, and with Marissa sitting in her car she could hardly see over the top of the bottom one. As any clever child will wonder, how do toys climb stairs? Marissa could have used her gymnastic skills to get up in no time, but she didn’t want to leave her new blue convertible behind. Though she wasn’t strong enough to lift it, and besides, that would make her hands all oily. She needed a method to get up the stairs as good as the chewing gum, but didn’t want to bother tired old Wise Teddy again.
So Marissa drove past the stairs into the biggest single room she’d seen all day. It was like the Breakfast Room but bigger, with a bigger fire, a bigger TV, and more couches. Her plan was to park right in the middle of the floor so that Emily or somebody would notice and pick her up and take her upstairs. But who would take Marissa upstairs? Marissa was not a popular toy, and if someone saw her in a Barbie car in the middle of the lounge, they’d take her back to the Land of Old Toys in seconds! That would be absolutely awful. Marissa got out of her car and began to nibble on her sweetie necklace.
Just then another bear came skipping past. He seemed like the opposite of Wise Teddy – he was energetic, tall and happy. He was skipping around in ever-bigger circles as if he hadn’t a care in the world. He was white and wore a red ribbon around his neck, and looked such good fun! Marissa whistled to get his attention, looking to make a new friend while she thought how she was going to get up those stairs with her car. The teddy skipped up to her and stopped a few inches short of her smiling face.
‘I’m White Teddy, or Whitey, to my friends.’ He stuck out a big furry paw for Marissa to shake. She took it, and introduced herself. Immediately Whitey grabbed her other hand and started a round of Ring a Roses. Marissa couldn’t help but laugh at what good fun Whitey was. He must be so popular, one of Emily’s favourites surely!
Suddenly, though, Marissa heard footsteps coming down the wooden floors of the corridor that she’d just driven down. With remarkable quick thinking, she stopped dancing and told Whitey to get in the car, in the drivers seat. She jumped into the passenger seat and whispered into Whitey’s ear.
‘We’re going to trick someone into taking us upstairs. Do you live upstairs?’ Whitey was clearly excited at the sound of a trick. He was something of a mischievous bear, and up for any fun that was happening.
‘No I live wherever Emily leaves me. Sometimes its upstairs. I used to live at the top of the bed!’ Whitey boomed.
‘Shhh! Someone will hear us! But really, the top of the bed?’ Marissa was impressed, as that was where the best of the best toys would sleep, right with Emily. Whitey seemed pleased with himself for sitting in a car with a beautiful girl like Marissa, and wanted to impress her more.
‘I once got left on holiday and was posted back!’ he said. Marissa told him to be quiet again and he did, as there was somebody in the room now. Both toys sat still, Marissa’s fingers crossed that the person would do as she hoped. The person walked right up to the car, the shoes almost kicking a dirty mark into Marissa’s car. Marissa let out a little squeal. The person immediately looked down. Instinctively Marissa grabbed Whitey’s furry paw again for comfort. The person then swooped down like an eagle and grabbed the whole car, and Marissa and Whitey both thought they were going to fall out of the top. They hadn’t had time to put on their seatbelts, you see. The person stopped to read some boring bit of paper beside a lampshade, as American Dolly and White Teddy hung in mid air in a Barbie car. Eventually they were carried at what seemed like a ridiculously fast speed up the stairs and thrown across a big room onto a soft bed. Like a cat, luckily they landed on their feet, or in this case, their wheels.
‘It worked! It worked! We’re here! I think, anyway. Emily’s room!’ Marissa was so excited. Lots of friendly but new toys were staring at her and Whitey, but mostly her, and lots had never seen the car before either. Whitey jumped out of the car and told Marissa he’d show her around. She really liked Whitey and was looking forward to setting up a new home.
The End
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Jeff Mabel stuns Toyland shock
TOYLAND REJOICED LAST NIGHT as Sunnydale Junior School Choir and the Old Folks' Barbershop Quartet joined together to perform a carol concert at the United Reformed Church in Boston.
The leader of the Old Folks was Smallvanian Mayor Jeff Badger. He was dressed smartly as always, in a dinner suit, waistcoat and bowtie. They sung such classic carols as 'The 12 Days of Christmas' with special, altered lyrics, specially arranged by Chinese musician Pi Anne-Oh.
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
(Words by J Badger, arr. P. Anne-Oh)
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve Duckies drumming,
Eleven Playmobile people piping,
Ten Lapinous a-leaping,
Nine Lizzies dancing,
Eight Marissas a-milking,
Seven Spurries a-swimming*,
Six Graham Greybears a-laying,
FIVE GOLD RINGS!
Four Brambles a-brambling,
Three French Corolle dolls,
Two Jellycats,
And an Emily in a pear tree!
*Even though Spurry can't swim because the water would break her voice button.
Sunnydale Juniors were impeccably behaved throughout the show. On one occassion however when Jeff Badger made a joke about a time when he hailed a horse-and-cart when he was a 'young lad', one of the schoolchildren burst out laughing, bringing a smile to everyone's face.
'It was Lizzie!' said Kaitlin Cooper, a choir member.
'It was Kaitlin!' said Lizzie McGuire, another choir member.
The next church service scheduled for the general public is the Toyland Nativity and carols on Christmas Eve.
TE
The leader of the Old Folks was Smallvanian Mayor Jeff Badger. He was dressed smartly as always, in a dinner suit, waistcoat and bowtie. They sung such classic carols as 'The 12 Days of Christmas' with special, altered lyrics, specially arranged by Chinese musician Pi Anne-Oh.
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
(Words by J Badger, arr. P. Anne-Oh)
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve Duckies drumming,
Eleven Playmobile people piping,
Ten Lapinous a-leaping,
Nine Lizzies dancing,
Eight Marissas a-milking,
Seven Spurries a-swimming*,
Six Graham Greybears a-laying,
FIVE GOLD RINGS!
Four Brambles a-brambling,
Three French Corolle dolls,
Two Jellycats,
And an Emily in a pear tree!
*Even though Spurry can't swim because the water would break her voice button.
Sunnydale Juniors were impeccably behaved throughout the show. On one occassion however when Jeff Badger made a joke about a time when he hailed a horse-and-cart when he was a 'young lad', one of the schoolchildren burst out laughing, bringing a smile to everyone's face.
'It was Lizzie!' said Kaitlin Cooper, a choir member.
'It was Kaitlin!' said Lizzie McGuire, another choir member.
The next church service scheduled for the general public is the Toyland Nativity and carols on Christmas Eve.
TE
Friday, December 15, 2006
Pop star and postman romance exclusive!
SMALLVANIA'S most glamorous couple, Nazzy Star and Ryan Atwood, allowed an interview with them and photos of them at home to be published in this week's Hello! magazine, published today.
The magazine, published by The TE Group, which also publishes this newspaper, reveals the domestic bliss in which the pop star and postman currently live. The Toyland Express can now exclusively reveal some of the feature.
Above: The cover of this week's Hello!
NAZZY AND RYAN invite me into their beautiful Georgian dolls house in the heart of the bustling city life of Smallvania, and I am at once stunned at how peaceful it remains inside. I feel so honoured to be allowed to talk to them in this exclusive interview for Hello! readers, where they reveal for the first time exactly what colour their carpets are.
Above: Their beautiful city residence.
Nazzy, real name Nazalia, shot to fame some years ago with her upbeat song 'Into Dust', which found success after being featured on an episode of hit teen toy show Hollytoys. A year after moving to Toyland she met her current boyfriend Ryan Atwood, who works as a postman and is known the toy world over for his rugged good looks, his brown satchel and his unique ability to be the only toy who can stand upright submerged in water.
'Waww it's my party trick!' he explains wittily, as Nazzy gives him an affectionate kiss on the lips.
The house is currently all decorated for Christmas, and the couple introduce me to their house-trained rabbit Snuffles. 'I've always liked animals, so a house-trained rabbit was the obvious pet to get when we moved in together. At times it has been challenging and I've wondered if we could get through, but now Snuffles is housetrained!' A little tear runs down Nazzy's cheek as she remembers these harrowing experiences.
Above: Ryan, Zara and Snuffles beside their magical six inch Christmas tree.
I ask Nazzy if the rumours are true about her relaunching her pop career, which went stale some time ago. The rumours were intensified by her performance of this year's Small Toys in Need charity single. 'Well it's a possibility...' she muses. 'I have been thinking about doing a duet with Hershey Bear... maybe a version of Lionel Richie's "Endless Love"'. Hershey Bear is a Bostonian soul singer.
Nazzy and Ryan then tell me what a normal day in the Dolls House is like. They moved in rather fortuitously, as as Mini Bratz dolls they were the small toys who best fit in all the rooms and were most played with by Emily. Ryan secured a mortgage thanks to his secure job at the Post Office, and money hasn't been a problem thanks to royalties from Nazzy's past hits including 'Bring It All Back (To Toyland)' and 'Wind Beneath My Plastic Wings'.
'Oh we just sit around in our spare time. I like sewing, and Ryan likes swimming and writing poetry,' Nazzy explains. Ryan immediately blushes and denies that he writes poetry, pushing some notepaper hastily underneath their exquisite antique wooden chairs.
Above: Nazzy on a normal day around the house.
Ryan blushes again when on a tour of the house with Nazzy later on, I catch him in the shower! I also meet Natalie, Nazzy's sister who is interested in punk rock and dresses in rebellious short skirts and dark make up. Another Bratz doll, Zara, completes the group of four who live here. From Nairobi, Zara is a friend of Natalie's.
Above: Ryan caught having a shower, apparently with his trousers and trendy trademark trainers still on.
After our meeting the exhausted Bratz curl up in the bedroom for a nap, Ryan sending me home with some post he was ready to deliver to me tomorrow morning. What a utterly fantastic couple of people!
Above, clockwise from left: Nazzy Zara Natalie Ryan
This week's issue of Hello! is available in shops now, priced £1.55.
TE
The magazine, published by The TE Group, which also publishes this newspaper, reveals the domestic bliss in which the pop star and postman currently live. The Toyland Express can now exclusively reveal some of the feature.
Above: The cover of this week's Hello!
NAZZY AND RYAN invite me into their beautiful Georgian dolls house in the heart of the bustling city life of Smallvania, and I am at once stunned at how peaceful it remains inside. I feel so honoured to be allowed to talk to them in this exclusive interview for Hello! readers, where they reveal for the first time exactly what colour their carpets are.
Above: Their beautiful city residence.
Nazzy, real name Nazalia, shot to fame some years ago with her upbeat song 'Into Dust', which found success after being featured on an episode of hit teen toy show Hollytoys. A year after moving to Toyland she met her current boyfriend Ryan Atwood, who works as a postman and is known the toy world over for his rugged good looks, his brown satchel and his unique ability to be the only toy who can stand upright submerged in water.
'Waww it's my party trick!' he explains wittily, as Nazzy gives him an affectionate kiss on the lips.
The house is currently all decorated for Christmas, and the couple introduce me to their house-trained rabbit Snuffles. 'I've always liked animals, so a house-trained rabbit was the obvious pet to get when we moved in together. At times it has been challenging and I've wondered if we could get through, but now Snuffles is housetrained!' A little tear runs down Nazzy's cheek as she remembers these harrowing experiences.
Above: Ryan, Zara and Snuffles beside their magical six inch Christmas tree.
I ask Nazzy if the rumours are true about her relaunching her pop career, which went stale some time ago. The rumours were intensified by her performance of this year's Small Toys in Need charity single. 'Well it's a possibility...' she muses. 'I have been thinking about doing a duet with Hershey Bear... maybe a version of Lionel Richie's "Endless Love"'. Hershey Bear is a Bostonian soul singer.
Nazzy and Ryan then tell me what a normal day in the Dolls House is like. They moved in rather fortuitously, as as Mini Bratz dolls they were the small toys who best fit in all the rooms and were most played with by Emily. Ryan secured a mortgage thanks to his secure job at the Post Office, and money hasn't been a problem thanks to royalties from Nazzy's past hits including 'Bring It All Back (To Toyland)' and 'Wind Beneath My Plastic Wings'.
'Oh we just sit around in our spare time. I like sewing, and Ryan likes swimming and writing poetry,' Nazzy explains. Ryan immediately blushes and denies that he writes poetry, pushing some notepaper hastily underneath their exquisite antique wooden chairs.
Above: Nazzy on a normal day around the house.
Ryan blushes again when on a tour of the house with Nazzy later on, I catch him in the shower! I also meet Natalie, Nazzy's sister who is interested in punk rock and dresses in rebellious short skirts and dark make up. Another Bratz doll, Zara, completes the group of four who live here. From Nairobi, Zara is a friend of Natalie's.
Above: Ryan caught having a shower, apparently with his trousers and trendy trademark trainers still on.
After our meeting the exhausted Bratz curl up in the bedroom for a nap, Ryan sending me home with some post he was ready to deliver to me tomorrow morning. What a utterly fantastic couple of people!
Above, clockwise from left: Nazzy Zara Natalie Ryan
This week's issue of Hello! is available in shops now, priced £1.55.
TE
Monday, December 11, 2006
Toyland's Christmas treehouse!
Marissa took a holiday to the Christmas tree in the lounge today. She is expected to spend a lot of time sitting on the branches relaxing with her little sister Kaitlin and a backpack of food and mince pies.
'I'm going to toast them on the fairy lights!' said a beaming Marissa.
Marissa may be celebrating the recent arrival of many Jellycat toys to Boston, including her new dog Peanut and sister Kaitlin.
Ducky was there as well, promoting DVD copies of his classic film James Pond: Breadfinger, with a soundtrack by Shirley Buttery.
TE
'I'm going to toast them on the fairy lights!' said a beaming Marissa.
Marissa may be celebrating the recent arrival of many Jellycat toys to Boston, including her new dog Peanut and sister Kaitlin.
Ducky was there as well, promoting DVD copies of his classic film James Pond: Breadfinger, with a soundtrack by Shirley Buttery.
TE
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Spurry refuses to play baby Jesus shock!
WHILE SHEPHERDS WATCHED their flocks by night in tea towels, dressed up the annual Toyland Nativity play, suddenly a bright light did appear before them! It was not an angel however but a very angry Spurry, her little red cheeks a firey red!
'I will NOT play the baby Jesus in the Nativity!' said the one inch tall Queen, a toy so small she was formerly a keyring. 'I've had enough of people treating me like a child, nevermind a baby! Just because I'm so small!'
Her anger was met with a collective 'Aaaaaaah!' from the mothers and fathers who had come to see their children perform various Christmas carols at the Smallvania Nursery.
'And I don't like that scary Christmas Carol story either!' she added harshly.
The Queen of Smallvania then went back to her castle to prepare her celebrations for Hanukkah, the Jewish equivalent of Christmas.
Other roles more successfully cast for this year's nativity include King Cheeky as Herod and Marissa Cooper as the Angel Gabriel. Wise Teddy, Jeff Badger and Ducky will be playing the three wise men. The star role however goes to Sabrina Spellman who will be playing Mary.
'It's ridiculous that Sabrina plays Mary.. I would be much better for the part! It's just 'cos she's blonde! They always pick a blonde girl to play Mary!' protested Kaitlin Cooper. Kaitlin is Marissa's little sister, who she bears a remarkable resemblance to. She has been sent to Toyland from San Diego, California to learn how to behave, just like Marissa was some three years ago this Christmas.
'It would be far more realistic to have a girl with brown, yarn hair to play Mary,' added Kaitlin, before sticking her tongue out to our reporters. 'Whatever...' she said as a goodbye.
Kaitlin is fifteen years old.
*The Toyland Theatrical Co would like to announce that auditions are being re-opened for the part of the baby Jesus in the Toyland Nativity.
'I will NOT play the baby Jesus in the Nativity!' said the one inch tall Queen, a toy so small she was formerly a keyring. 'I've had enough of people treating me like a child, nevermind a baby! Just because I'm so small!'
Her anger was met with a collective 'Aaaaaaah!' from the mothers and fathers who had come to see their children perform various Christmas carols at the Smallvania Nursery.
'And I don't like that scary Christmas Carol story either!' she added harshly.
The Queen of Smallvania then went back to her castle to prepare her celebrations for Hanukkah, the Jewish equivalent of Christmas.
Other roles more successfully cast for this year's nativity include King Cheeky as Herod and Marissa Cooper as the Angel Gabriel. Wise Teddy, Jeff Badger and Ducky will be playing the three wise men. The star role however goes to Sabrina Spellman who will be playing Mary.
'It's ridiculous that Sabrina plays Mary.. I would be much better for the part! It's just 'cos she's blonde! They always pick a blonde girl to play Mary!' protested Kaitlin Cooper. Kaitlin is Marissa's little sister, who she bears a remarkable resemblance to. She has been sent to Toyland from San Diego, California to learn how to behave, just like Marissa was some three years ago this Christmas.
'It would be far more realistic to have a girl with brown, yarn hair to play Mary,' added Kaitlin, before sticking her tongue out to our reporters. 'Whatever...' she said as a goodbye.
Kaitlin is fifteen years old.
*The Toyland Theatrical Co would like to announce that auditions are being re-opened for the part of the baby Jesus in the Toyland Nativity.
Monday, December 04, 2006
A Toyland Christmas Carol (Part 2)
Continued...
Bramble walked home, closing his ears to the local nursery children singing Christmas carols around him. He had reluctantly given his clerk, Mr Rufus Dalmation, the day off the next day as it was Christmas - but of course Bramble would have preferred everyone to just work.
He walked through his large, echoing expensive house, without a candle as he did not want to waste money when darkness came for free. He sat by the fire which was barely warm, tiny cinders about to go out. Casting his little hedgehog eyes he suddenly started at an old, antique disused bell on the wall. It had't rung for all the time he'd known it, and Bramble paid it little attention, but as he look at it, it began swining, the chimes, first slowly, then faster, faster, until the whole echoing house was awash with the sound of haunting bells. The bells lasted for scarcely a minute but it seemed like an hour, before stopping as suddenly as they began.
He heard footsteps up the stairs behind him, and tried to ignore them. Footsteps coming closer, closer, until he was forced to turn around. And there stood the icy ghostly figure of Bramley.
Bramble stuttered out a few words, as cold as ever, but frightened too. 'Who are you?' he asked in a deep Birmingham accent. 'And what do you want with me?'
'You know who I am. In life I was your business partner, Burt Bramley.'
'I don't believe you! I don't believe in ghosts!' replied Bramble. 'From the grave? I am just imagining you after my fantastic supper... you are just my imagination playing tricks on me! There is more gravy than grave about you!'. Try as he may, Barry Bramble couldn't cover up the terror he felt in his mean little hedgehog heart.
The ghost uttered a loud, screeching cry, and Bramble gave in. He fell to his knees, his prickles on edge. The ghost of Burt Bramley explained how all the badness he had done in life had made him a wondering spirit after death, forced to roam restlessly until he had paid off his bad deeds. He could offer no comfort to his mean former partner Barry Bramble, the hedgehog he was once so similar to. After some moments, in a deep voice, Bramley's ghost explained why he was present in Bramble's house that Christmas Eve, some seven years after his death.
'You will be visited tonight by three ghosts! Three spirits!' he announced.
In a faltering voice Bramble replied, 'I-I-I'd rather not, to be honest...'
'Without their visits, you will only end up like me! The first will come tomorrow, when the clock strikes one. The second the next night, at the same time. The third will come the next night after that, when the last chime of twelve has struck.'
The ghost of Bramley stepped slowly away, leaving Bramble amazed, and vanished through the closed window. Bramble stumbled to bed and fell asleep on top of the covers, still dressed in his yellow dungarees.
***
Chapter 2.
Bramble woke up some time later, and lay awake sweating, wondering whether it was all a dream or not. He listened to countless hours chime by, until the clock struck a deep, hollow, melancholy One, in the piercing dark of the night. The room suddenly lit up in a flash of light, and appearing immediately in front of his face was a child. A child, of the strangest, radiant quality. Though it was evidently a child, it looked like it had years of wisdom in its brown eyes.
In a squeaky and high pitched voice it announced to him, 'I am the Ghost of Christmas Past. Would you like a blueberry muffin?'
Bramble politely declined, and the Ghost offered out her hand. 'Walk with me.'
It was useless for Bramble to worry about how warm it was in his bed and how it would surely be freezing outside. As the Ghost led him towards the window, Bramble was also concerned that he would fall. Yet in an instant, he found himself led through the wall and into an open country path on Sunshine Avenue, Toyland, the sunshine beaming through the windows, though Bramble was sure just seconds ago he was in the middle of the night.
'But.. but.. this is where I went to school! In Birmingham!'. The sights and smells reminded Bramble instantly of the joy of his youth. He recognised all the passing people - not least all his old school friends. His eyes lit up as all the woodland creatures in their school uniforms holding their brown satchels scampered along, cheering a Merry Christmas to eachother. For once these words actually made Bramble happy, but why? What good had Christmas ever done to him? The schoolchildren all walked past Bramble, not paying him or the Ghost the slightest of attention. They could not be seen in this strange adventure, it seemed, as all the boys and girls passed by on their way home for the holidays.
'The school is not quite empty. There is still one child there, alone, neglected by all his friends.'
Bramble knew it, and it made him sad. They walked to the school, and inside, and down the dreary dusty corridors, past the childrens work on the wall and the empty classrooms, before finding one classroom, where behind row upon row of empty desks, sat one little boy hedgehog reading by the fire. Bramble felt a tear in his eye to see himself as a child. The Ghost tapped in his arm and his spirits were quickly lifted by the sight of all the pantomime characters walking by the windows. Bramble jumped up with laughter naming all of their names. Yet there sat young Barry Bramble.
The Ghost waved its hand thoughtfully and announced, 'Let's look at another Christmas.'
Bramble's former self suddenly grew larger, and the walls of the classroom turned dirtier, and pieces of plaster fell from the ceiling. How this was happening was a mystery to Bramble, and all he knew was it was true. There he sat again, alone in the classroom another Christmas.
The door swung open and another little hedgehog, much younger than Barry, came bounding in and wrapped her arms around the young Bramble. 'Dear, dear brother!' she exclaimed. 'I have come to bring you home!' She clapped her tiny hands and began to laugh. She dragged her brother in childish eagerness out the door. The older Bramble watched his younger self bid farewell to the cruel eyed schoolmaster, Mr Waxcake, and jump into a car outside, which sped off.
'She was a lovely girl with a big heart,' suggested the friendly Ghost.
'She was, she was. And there's no denying that,' replied Bramble sincerely.
(40)
To be continued...
Bramble walked home, closing his ears to the local nursery children singing Christmas carols around him. He had reluctantly given his clerk, Mr Rufus Dalmation, the day off the next day as it was Christmas - but of course Bramble would have preferred everyone to just work.
He walked through his large, echoing expensive house, without a candle as he did not want to waste money when darkness came for free. He sat by the fire which was barely warm, tiny cinders about to go out. Casting his little hedgehog eyes he suddenly started at an old, antique disused bell on the wall. It had't rung for all the time he'd known it, and Bramble paid it little attention, but as he look at it, it began swining, the chimes, first slowly, then faster, faster, until the whole echoing house was awash with the sound of haunting bells. The bells lasted for scarcely a minute but it seemed like an hour, before stopping as suddenly as they began.
He heard footsteps up the stairs behind him, and tried to ignore them. Footsteps coming closer, closer, until he was forced to turn around. And there stood the icy ghostly figure of Bramley.
Bramble stuttered out a few words, as cold as ever, but frightened too. 'Who are you?' he asked in a deep Birmingham accent. 'And what do you want with me?'
'You know who I am. In life I was your business partner, Burt Bramley.'
'I don't believe you! I don't believe in ghosts!' replied Bramble. 'From the grave? I am just imagining you after my fantastic supper... you are just my imagination playing tricks on me! There is more gravy than grave about you!'. Try as he may, Barry Bramble couldn't cover up the terror he felt in his mean little hedgehog heart.
The ghost uttered a loud, screeching cry, and Bramble gave in. He fell to his knees, his prickles on edge. The ghost of Burt Bramley explained how all the badness he had done in life had made him a wondering spirit after death, forced to roam restlessly until he had paid off his bad deeds. He could offer no comfort to his mean former partner Barry Bramble, the hedgehog he was once so similar to. After some moments, in a deep voice, Bramley's ghost explained why he was present in Bramble's house that Christmas Eve, some seven years after his death.
'You will be visited tonight by three ghosts! Three spirits!' he announced.
In a faltering voice Bramble replied, 'I-I-I'd rather not, to be honest...'
'Without their visits, you will only end up like me! The first will come tomorrow, when the clock strikes one. The second the next night, at the same time. The third will come the next night after that, when the last chime of twelve has struck.'
The ghost of Bramley stepped slowly away, leaving Bramble amazed, and vanished through the closed window. Bramble stumbled to bed and fell asleep on top of the covers, still dressed in his yellow dungarees.
***
Chapter 2.
Bramble woke up some time later, and lay awake sweating, wondering whether it was all a dream or not. He listened to countless hours chime by, until the clock struck a deep, hollow, melancholy One, in the piercing dark of the night. The room suddenly lit up in a flash of light, and appearing immediately in front of his face was a child. A child, of the strangest, radiant quality. Though it was evidently a child, it looked like it had years of wisdom in its brown eyes.
In a squeaky and high pitched voice it announced to him, 'I am the Ghost of Christmas Past. Would you like a blueberry muffin?'
Bramble politely declined, and the Ghost offered out her hand. 'Walk with me.'
It was useless for Bramble to worry about how warm it was in his bed and how it would surely be freezing outside. As the Ghost led him towards the window, Bramble was also concerned that he would fall. Yet in an instant, he found himself led through the wall and into an open country path on Sunshine Avenue, Toyland, the sunshine beaming through the windows, though Bramble was sure just seconds ago he was in the middle of the night.
'But.. but.. this is where I went to school! In Birmingham!'. The sights and smells reminded Bramble instantly of the joy of his youth. He recognised all the passing people - not least all his old school friends. His eyes lit up as all the woodland creatures in their school uniforms holding their brown satchels scampered along, cheering a Merry Christmas to eachother. For once these words actually made Bramble happy, but why? What good had Christmas ever done to him? The schoolchildren all walked past Bramble, not paying him or the Ghost the slightest of attention. They could not be seen in this strange adventure, it seemed, as all the boys and girls passed by on their way home for the holidays.
'The school is not quite empty. There is still one child there, alone, neglected by all his friends.'
Bramble knew it, and it made him sad. They walked to the school, and inside, and down the dreary dusty corridors, past the childrens work on the wall and the empty classrooms, before finding one classroom, where behind row upon row of empty desks, sat one little boy hedgehog reading by the fire. Bramble felt a tear in his eye to see himself as a child. The Ghost tapped in his arm and his spirits were quickly lifted by the sight of all the pantomime characters walking by the windows. Bramble jumped up with laughter naming all of their names. Yet there sat young Barry Bramble.
The Ghost waved its hand thoughtfully and announced, 'Let's look at another Christmas.'
Bramble's former self suddenly grew larger, and the walls of the classroom turned dirtier, and pieces of plaster fell from the ceiling. How this was happening was a mystery to Bramble, and all he knew was it was true. There he sat again, alone in the classroom another Christmas.
The door swung open and another little hedgehog, much younger than Barry, came bounding in and wrapped her arms around the young Bramble. 'Dear, dear brother!' she exclaimed. 'I have come to bring you home!' She clapped her tiny hands and began to laugh. She dragged her brother in childish eagerness out the door. The older Bramble watched his younger self bid farewell to the cruel eyed schoolmaster, Mr Waxcake, and jump into a car outside, which sped off.
'She was a lovely girl with a big heart,' suggested the friendly Ghost.
'She was, she was. And there's no denying that,' replied Bramble sincerely.
(40)
To be continued...
Saturday, December 02, 2006
A Toyland Christmas Carol (Part 1)
Chapter 1.
Bramley was dead, dead as a door nail. Barry Bramble knew he was dead, for they had been business partners for I don't know how many years. Bramble, as he was commonly known throughout the blackened winter streets of Smallvania, was the sole mourner at Bramley's funeral. It is very important to note, dear reader, that Bramley, the dark brown hedgehog Sylvanian who wore purple velvet dungarees, was dead. This must be distinctly understood, or else nothing wonderful will come of the story I am about to relate.
Bramble never painted out Bramley's name on the shop sign. There is stood, years afterwards, above the warehouse door: Bramble and Bramley. The firm was known as Bramble and Bramley. Barry Bramble would answer to the name of Mr Bramble only, and didn't care much for his first name, Barry.
External heat and cold had little influence on Bramble. No warmth could warm, no wintry weather chill him. No wind that blew threw the windows of Emily's room through the open streets of Toyland was bitterer than he, no falling cotton wool snow more intent on its purpose. Bramble was uninterested in such things as the falling snow of Christmastime however.
Nobody ever stopped him in the street to say, with happy looks, 'My dear Bramble, how are you? When will you come to see me?', not even the friendliest faces such as Marissa and Ducky. No beggars would ask him to bestow any spare Smallvanian shillings he might have. Even the pets of Toyland seemed to know when they sensed Bramble coming, as they would cower and tug their owners away into doorways. But what did Bramble care? He liked the other toys to keep their distance.
Once upon a time - of all the good days in the year, on Christmas Eve - old Bramble sat busy in his counting-house. It was cold, bleak, biting weather: foggy withal, and he could hear the toys wheezing up and down the streets outside trying their best to keep warm in the cold. The Lego Fairy's clock had only just gone three, but it was quite dark already. It had not been light all day, and even Emily turning on her ceiling light did not seem to help. Candles flared in the windows of neighbouring offices, in between the drooping, dingy darkness.
The door of Bramble's counting-house, where he counted his money and his profits, was open so that he could keep an eye on his clerk, who in a dismal little cell beyond was copying letters. Bramble had a very small fire, but the clerk's was so very much smaller that it looked like one coal. Bramble wouldn't allow the clerk to replenish his fire, as Bramble kept the coal-box in his own room. The clerk was left trying in vain to warm his hands on the candle.
'Waww a merry Christmas to you! God save you!' cried a cheerful voice. It was the voice of Bramble's godson, who had burst in after finishing his duties as postman.
'Bah!' said Bramble. 'Humbug!'
Ryan's face was in a handsome glow, his blue eyes sparkling. 'Christmas a humbug, Barry!' said he. 'You don't mean that I am sure?'
'I do, I'm not even kidding!' said Bramble. 'Merry Christmas! What right have you to be merry? What reason have you to be merry? You're poor enough, on those postman's wages.'
'Waww then,' returned the godson gaily. 'What right have you to be so miserable? You're rich enough.'
Bramble, having no better answer ready on the spur of the moment, said, 'Bah!' again, and followed it up with 'Humbug!'.
'Waww don't be cross, uncle.' said the nephew.
'What else can I be,'when I live in a Toyland full of fools such as this? Merry Christmas! Out upon Merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer? If I could work my will,' said Bramble angrily, 'every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart! He should!'
'Barry!' pleaded Ryan.
'Godson!' returned the businessman, sternly. 'Keep Christmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine. What good has Christmas ever done you?'
'There are many things from which I have derived good, by which I have not profited money, I dare say,' said Ryan. 'Christmas among the rest. Waww I have always thought Christmas time, when it has come around, as a good time; a king, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time, the only time I know if, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by on consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and this of people below them as if they really were fellow men, not another race of creatures. And therefore, Barry, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good, and I say God bless it!'
The clerk in the tank involuntarily applauded his paw hands. Becoming immediately sensible and aware of Bramble's angry look, he poked the fire, and extinguished the last frail spark for ever.
'Don't be angry, Barry!' said the godson. 'Come done with his tomorrow.'
Bramble's temper was rising.
'I want nothign from you; I ask nothing of you, why can't we be friends?'
'Good afternoon,' said Bramble.
'We have never had a single argument, yet I am sorry to find you so resolute! A Merry Christmas, Barry!'
'Good afternoon,' repearted Bramble.
'And a Happy New Year!'
'Good afternoon!' said Bramble one last, emphatic time.
Ryan left the room without an angry word, stopping at the outer door to greet the clerk, who, as cold as he was, was warmer than Bramble, returning his greetings cordially.
Just that moment, the bell on the door rung, and in came bounding a tall girl with hazlenut hair. 'Hello!' she said in a strange accent, it might have been American. 'Do I have the pleasure of addressing Mr Bramley?'
'Mr Bramley has been dead for seven years. Dead seven years ago this very night!'
'I am pleased to meet you then, kind Mr Bramble. At this time of year is it desirable that we make some provision for the poor and the destitute, who suffer lack of basic warmth and homes this Christmas', said the girl.
'A few of us are looking to raise a fund to buy the poor some meat and drink, and means of warmth. We chose this time as Christmas is a time of giving! How much would you like to donate?'
'Nothing!' said Bramble. 'I wish to be left alone. I don't make myself merry at Christmas and I can't afford to make lazy people merry! These people are none of my business!'
(17)
To be continued...
Bramley was dead, dead as a door nail. Barry Bramble knew he was dead, for they had been business partners for I don't know how many years. Bramble, as he was commonly known throughout the blackened winter streets of Smallvania, was the sole mourner at Bramley's funeral. It is very important to note, dear reader, that Bramley, the dark brown hedgehog Sylvanian who wore purple velvet dungarees, was dead. This must be distinctly understood, or else nothing wonderful will come of the story I am about to relate.
Bramble never painted out Bramley's name on the shop sign. There is stood, years afterwards, above the warehouse door: Bramble and Bramley. The firm was known as Bramble and Bramley. Barry Bramble would answer to the name of Mr Bramble only, and didn't care much for his first name, Barry.
External heat and cold had little influence on Bramble. No warmth could warm, no wintry weather chill him. No wind that blew threw the windows of Emily's room through the open streets of Toyland was bitterer than he, no falling cotton wool snow more intent on its purpose. Bramble was uninterested in such things as the falling snow of Christmastime however.
Nobody ever stopped him in the street to say, with happy looks, 'My dear Bramble, how are you? When will you come to see me?', not even the friendliest faces such as Marissa and Ducky. No beggars would ask him to bestow any spare Smallvanian shillings he might have. Even the pets of Toyland seemed to know when they sensed Bramble coming, as they would cower and tug their owners away into doorways. But what did Bramble care? He liked the other toys to keep their distance.
Once upon a time - of all the good days in the year, on Christmas Eve - old Bramble sat busy in his counting-house. It was cold, bleak, biting weather: foggy withal, and he could hear the toys wheezing up and down the streets outside trying their best to keep warm in the cold. The Lego Fairy's clock had only just gone three, but it was quite dark already. It had not been light all day, and even Emily turning on her ceiling light did not seem to help. Candles flared in the windows of neighbouring offices, in between the drooping, dingy darkness.
The door of Bramble's counting-house, where he counted his money and his profits, was open so that he could keep an eye on his clerk, who in a dismal little cell beyond was copying letters. Bramble had a very small fire, but the clerk's was so very much smaller that it looked like one coal. Bramble wouldn't allow the clerk to replenish his fire, as Bramble kept the coal-box in his own room. The clerk was left trying in vain to warm his hands on the candle.
'Waww a merry Christmas to you! God save you!' cried a cheerful voice. It was the voice of Bramble's godson, who had burst in after finishing his duties as postman.
'Bah!' said Bramble. 'Humbug!'
Ryan's face was in a handsome glow, his blue eyes sparkling. 'Christmas a humbug, Barry!' said he. 'You don't mean that I am sure?'
'I do, I'm not even kidding!' said Bramble. 'Merry Christmas! What right have you to be merry? What reason have you to be merry? You're poor enough, on those postman's wages.'
'Waww then,' returned the godson gaily. 'What right have you to be so miserable? You're rich enough.'
Bramble, having no better answer ready on the spur of the moment, said, 'Bah!' again, and followed it up with 'Humbug!'.
'Waww don't be cross, uncle.' said the nephew.
'What else can I be,'when I live in a Toyland full of fools such as this? Merry Christmas! Out upon Merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer? If I could work my will,' said Bramble angrily, 'every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart! He should!'
'Barry!' pleaded Ryan.
'Godson!' returned the businessman, sternly. 'Keep Christmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine. What good has Christmas ever done you?'
'There are many things from which I have derived good, by which I have not profited money, I dare say,' said Ryan. 'Christmas among the rest. Waww I have always thought Christmas time, when it has come around, as a good time; a king, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time, the only time I know if, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by on consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and this of people below them as if they really were fellow men, not another race of creatures. And therefore, Barry, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good, and I say God bless it!'
The clerk in the tank involuntarily applauded his paw hands. Becoming immediately sensible and aware of Bramble's angry look, he poked the fire, and extinguished the last frail spark for ever.
'Don't be angry, Barry!' said the godson. 'Come done with his tomorrow.'
Bramble's temper was rising.
'I want nothign from you; I ask nothing of you, why can't we be friends?'
'Good afternoon,' said Bramble.
'We have never had a single argument, yet I am sorry to find you so resolute! A Merry Christmas, Barry!'
'Good afternoon,' repearted Bramble.
'And a Happy New Year!'
'Good afternoon!' said Bramble one last, emphatic time.
Ryan left the room without an angry word, stopping at the outer door to greet the clerk, who, as cold as he was, was warmer than Bramble, returning his greetings cordially.
Just that moment, the bell on the door rung, and in came bounding a tall girl with hazlenut hair. 'Hello!' she said in a strange accent, it might have been American. 'Do I have the pleasure of addressing Mr Bramley?'
'Mr Bramley has been dead for seven years. Dead seven years ago this very night!'
'I am pleased to meet you then, kind Mr Bramble. At this time of year is it desirable that we make some provision for the poor and the destitute, who suffer lack of basic warmth and homes this Christmas', said the girl.
'A few of us are looking to raise a fund to buy the poor some meat and drink, and means of warmth. We chose this time as Christmas is a time of giving! How much would you like to donate?'
'Nothing!' said Bramble. 'I wish to be left alone. I don't make myself merry at Christmas and I can't afford to make lazy people merry! These people are none of my business!'
(17)
To be continued...
Friday, December 01, 2006
News summary
CHILDREN AND ADULTS alike were opening the first doors of their Advent calendars today, as the first of December was marked with the first Toyland Express article for an entire week.
'Wawww why hasn't there been a new article up for so long?' moaned postman Ryan. The editor of the Toyland Express says it was because things had suddenly got very busy!
This week a lot has been happening in Boston and Smallvania. At the start of the week, Father Christmas himself switched on the Toyland lights in Smallvania Square, watched by a heaving crowd of hundreds of toys. All who attended said it was well worth getting wet from the rain and squashed by the Sylvanians.
One girl who didn't make it was Marissa Cooper, who was having a wart removed from her ankle. 'Aaaaargh! I can't believe I missed the lights being turned on!' she screamed, but was comforted by some of the year 5 children that the person claiming to be Father Christmas was just Barry Bramble in a red suit.
Later on in the week the Lego Fairy rejoiced when Emily's adult front teeth finally became to poke through after ten months without anything in their place. The Lego Fairy is pleased this will end criticism of her friend the Tooth Fairy, who many toys were arguing should just give Emily her baby front teeth back.
'It comes just a little too late for her to fully enjoy my toffee apples, though!' noted local entrepreneur Barry Bramble.
To close the week's big news stories, 8 year old Lizzie McGuire Cooper, the mermaid in Miss Pancake's class, was invested into Brownies. She recited the following oath.
'With the help of God, I promise to do my best:
to help other fellow toys
to make a good turn every day
to do my duty to the King
and to keep the Brownie Law.'
Everyone came to watch Lizzie give her oath, including King Cheeky and even Marissa made it!
TE
'Wawww why hasn't there been a new article up for so long?' moaned postman Ryan. The editor of the Toyland Express says it was because things had suddenly got very busy!
This week a lot has been happening in Boston and Smallvania. At the start of the week, Father Christmas himself switched on the Toyland lights in Smallvania Square, watched by a heaving crowd of hundreds of toys. All who attended said it was well worth getting wet from the rain and squashed by the Sylvanians.
One girl who didn't make it was Marissa Cooper, who was having a wart removed from her ankle. 'Aaaaargh! I can't believe I missed the lights being turned on!' she screamed, but was comforted by some of the year 5 children that the person claiming to be Father Christmas was just Barry Bramble in a red suit.
Later on in the week the Lego Fairy rejoiced when Emily's adult front teeth finally became to poke through after ten months without anything in their place. The Lego Fairy is pleased this will end criticism of her friend the Tooth Fairy, who many toys were arguing should just give Emily her baby front teeth back.
'It comes just a little too late for her to fully enjoy my toffee apples, though!' noted local entrepreneur Barry Bramble.
To close the week's big news stories, 8 year old Lizzie McGuire Cooper, the mermaid in Miss Pancake's class, was invested into Brownies. She recited the following oath.
'With the help of God, I promise to do my best:
to help other fellow toys
to make a good turn every day
to do my duty to the King
and to keep the Brownie Law.'
Everyone came to watch Lizzie give her oath, including King Cheeky and even Marissa made it!
TE
Friday, November 24, 2006
Free classic Toyland poster with today's Express!
READERS OF TODAY'S TOYLAND EXPRESS will get a free pull-out poster of all the characters of Toyland in June 2006. The classic photo is a heartwarming memory of times gone by and features everyone from Mrs Dalmation to Barbie.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Missing slipper found!
FURTHER TO A TOYLAND EXPRESS CAMPAIGN to find Ducky's missing slipper which he lost last week, success has resulted. The slipper was found under Daddy's pillow, where it must have slipped (hee hee!) off the Bostonian duck's feet. Ducky is two years old.
Related stories
Ducky gets new slippers
Missing slipper
Christmas must haves unveiled
Related stories
Ducky gets new slippers
Missing slipper
Christmas must haves unveiled
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Fundraiser raises funds
MOST OF TOYLAND WERE GLUED TO their television sets last night to watch the Toyland Network's biannual fundraising programme Little Toys in Need. The show, presented by Marissa Cooper and 94 year old Jeff Badger, aims to encourage people to donate to the charity in various ways, the money being spent on the Smallvania Nursery, which provides care and homes for many children and orphans.
The star of the show was of course the big Winnie the Pooh, who wears a trademark white sleeve with red dots on it over his eye, while smiling endlessly in his yellow fur. He danced around the stage with a bucket which people filled up with various coins and cheques.
The show, starting on the Toyland Network at 2 o'clock in the afternoon yesterday, went on until 6.30am this morning, non-stop. It featured a variety of entertainment. Nazzy Star sung the official Little Toys in Need charity single, entitled 'The Greatest Love of All', a cover version of a George Benson song. The song contains the appropriate lines 'I believe the children are our future,
Teach them well and let them lead the way '. Critics said Nazzy was simply using the charity to try and restart her failing singing career, which ended some years ago.
Other highlights included King Chris volunteering to have custard pies thrown at his face, and Jonathan Bramble sitting in a bath tub full of Bramble Baked Beans. Sabrina Spellman performed a few magic tricks and even King Cheeky of Boston donated an old portrait of himself to be sold to raise money.
Also part of the show, the new voice of the Toyland Speaking Clock was announced. The competitors were Lizzie McGuire, Queen Spurry of Smallvania, Sabrina Spellman, Natalie Star, and the only male competitor, postman Ryan Atwood. Ryan won the honour, with many voters saying they chose him because all of the other competitors had the same voice.
'Wawww I'm delighted to be the new voice of the Speaking Clock! Wawww just dial 123 and you'll hear me tell you "Waww at the first beep, the time will be waww! 12.24 and 3 seconds exactly!"'
Mrs Dalmation, who runs the Toyland Nursery, said she was hugely thankful for the kindess of everyone in Toyland who donated to the appeal.
TE
The star of the show was of course the big Winnie the Pooh, who wears a trademark white sleeve with red dots on it over his eye, while smiling endlessly in his yellow fur. He danced around the stage with a bucket which people filled up with various coins and cheques.
The show, starting on the Toyland Network at 2 o'clock in the afternoon yesterday, went on until 6.30am this morning, non-stop. It featured a variety of entertainment. Nazzy Star sung the official Little Toys in Need charity single, entitled 'The Greatest Love of All', a cover version of a George Benson song. The song contains the appropriate lines 'I believe the children are our future,
Teach them well and let them lead the way '. Critics said Nazzy was simply using the charity to try and restart her failing singing career, which ended some years ago.
Other highlights included King Chris volunteering to have custard pies thrown at his face, and Jonathan Bramble sitting in a bath tub full of Bramble Baked Beans. Sabrina Spellman performed a few magic tricks and even King Cheeky of Boston donated an old portrait of himself to be sold to raise money.
Also part of the show, the new voice of the Toyland Speaking Clock was announced. The competitors were Lizzie McGuire, Queen Spurry of Smallvania, Sabrina Spellman, Natalie Star, and the only male competitor, postman Ryan Atwood. Ryan won the honour, with many voters saying they chose him because all of the other competitors had the same voice.
'Wawww I'm delighted to be the new voice of the Speaking Clock! Wawww just dial 123 and you'll hear me tell you "Waww at the first beep, the time will be waww! 12.24 and 3 seconds exactly!"'
Mrs Dalmation, who runs the Toyland Nursery, said she was hugely thankful for the kindess of everyone in Toyland who donated to the appeal.
TE
Friday, November 17, 2006
Missing slipper!
DUCKY MALLARD has lost one of his new slippers, it emerged last night. The slipper is believed to be buried somewhere under the mountains of pillows and covers of Emily's bed, where Ducky lives.
'He's not lost it, he's just mislaid it!' said Mrs Ducky, Ducky's mother, wearing bright red lipstick.
Toyland policeman Elmo has appealed for anyone with any information regarding the whereabouts of the missing slipper to contact him immediately.
IN OTHER NEWS
Whitey due back today
North Pole 'not hot' shock
'He's not lost it, he's just mislaid it!' said Mrs Ducky, Ducky's mother, wearing bright red lipstick.
Toyland policeman Elmo has appealed for anyone with any information regarding the whereabouts of the missing slipper to contact him immediately.
IN OTHER NEWS
Whitey due back today
North Pole 'not hot' shock
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Winnie spends night away shock
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WINNIE THE POOH, Mayor of Boston, caused shock by sleeping in Mummy's bed last night, it has emerged.
The biggest toy of Toyland usually resides at the foot of Emily's bed, rarely performing his function as a hot water bottle cover. But that's just what he was used for when Emily's Mummy wanted something warm to cuddle up to in Daddy's absence in Boston, USA.
This left Ducky as the only toy on the bed. 'I wasn't lonely though,' said the soft duck, who had the company of the royal family of Boston above his head on a ledge, and the Jellycat dolls in a flat on a shelf next door.
Ducky in fact had a late night as he was in London for the premiere of his latest film, James Pond : Quacksino Royale. The film tells the story of how the fictional duck became a superspy with a fondness for bread eaten in a pond - 'thrown, not dropped.' Top Toyland celebrities at the premiere included pop singer Nazzy Star, seventies soul singer Hershey Bear, and more international toy stars such as Buzz Lightyear. Mrs Potatohead was also present, but she declined to say where her husband was. Tabloid rumours suggest their marriage is mashed up.
King Cheeky bemoaned the fact that both Winnie and White Teddy were sleeping away last night. 'I say, Boston seems so quiet with out them!' Fortunately, Marissa Cooper was on hand playing loud music through her CD player until two o'clock in the morning.
'I just wasn't tired! I miss Whitey!' she wailed.
Winnie the Pooh was back in Toyland today to carry on his job as Mayor.
TE
***************************************************
You can now post comments without being a registered user! That means anyone can post a comment just by clicking on the 'Comments' link at the bottom of
each article!
***************************************************
***************************************************
WINNIE THE POOH, Mayor of Boston, caused shock by sleeping in Mummy's bed last night, it has emerged.
The biggest toy of Toyland usually resides at the foot of Emily's bed, rarely performing his function as a hot water bottle cover. But that's just what he was used for when Emily's Mummy wanted something warm to cuddle up to in Daddy's absence in Boston, USA.
This left Ducky as the only toy on the bed. 'I wasn't lonely though,' said the soft duck, who had the company of the royal family of Boston above his head on a ledge, and the Jellycat dolls in a flat on a shelf next door.
Ducky in fact had a late night as he was in London for the premiere of his latest film, James Pond : Quacksino Royale. The film tells the story of how the fictional duck became a superspy with a fondness for bread eaten in a pond - 'thrown, not dropped.' Top Toyland celebrities at the premiere included pop singer Nazzy Star, seventies soul singer Hershey Bear, and more international toy stars such as Buzz Lightyear. Mrs Potatohead was also present, but she declined to say where her husband was. Tabloid rumours suggest their marriage is mashed up.
King Cheeky bemoaned the fact that both Winnie and White Teddy were sleeping away last night. 'I say, Boston seems so quiet with out them!' Fortunately, Marissa Cooper was on hand playing loud music through her CD player until two o'clock in the morning.
'I just wasn't tired! I miss Whitey!' she wailed.
Winnie the Pooh was back in Toyland today to carry on his job as Mayor.
TE
Monday, November 13, 2006
Lemonade all round!
RESIDENTS OF TOYLAND have voted lemonade their favourite drink, a new YouDrink poll concluded.
Asked the question 'If you could have any drink, which drink do you think would be the best drink to drink?', an overwhelming nine out of ten participants answered 'lemonade'.
The poll was sent out to all toys by the Barry Bramble Enterprises Ltd, the corporation that owns various sites in Smallvania including the department store, juice stand and library. Founder Barry Bramble is expected to immediately start selling more lemonade and for a higher price.
Lemonade has historically been seen as the only drink all toys and children alike love, especially since its main rival, ginger beer, fell out of fashion in the late nineteenth century. Lemonade is frequently referred to in popular bedtime stories ranging from the 'Wishing Chair' series by Enid Blyton to the Little Owl and Little Squirrel stories.
On news of the announcement, the price of shares in Toyland Coca Cola Co fell dramatically. Mrs Mouse, who works for Barry Bramble, had an interesting theory on the result however.
'Do the toys mean they like traditional lemon juice and sugar, or do they mean these modern fizzy Sprite stuff?' she asked.
Mayoress of Smallvania, Mabel Badger, said she disapproved of fizzy lemonade. 'It rots your teeth something rotten,' she exclaimed while sucking on a peppermint, and offered any children to come round to her house if they wanted to try some real lemonade.
The poll offers no clues as to which type of lemonade the toys actually like.
Toys who did not choose lemonade as the drink which they would most like to drink if they'd like a drink included King Chris, who said he'd have a Castle Lager any day, and Queen Nala, who said she'd prefer to go and dunk her lioness face in a pool of water if she was thirsty. Sabrina Spellman said she would prefer a barley leaf freshly pressed fruit smoothie with fully skimmed milk.
Ducky was asleep while this article was being written, but no doubt would have said he likes lemonade too. Ducky is two years old.
Asked the question 'If you could have any drink, which drink do you think would be the best drink to drink?', an overwhelming nine out of ten participants answered 'lemonade'.
The poll was sent out to all toys by the Barry Bramble Enterprises Ltd, the corporation that owns various sites in Smallvania including the department store, juice stand and library. Founder Barry Bramble is expected to immediately start selling more lemonade and for a higher price.
Lemonade has historically been seen as the only drink all toys and children alike love, especially since its main rival, ginger beer, fell out of fashion in the late nineteenth century. Lemonade is frequently referred to in popular bedtime stories ranging from the 'Wishing Chair' series by Enid Blyton to the Little Owl and Little Squirrel stories.
On news of the announcement, the price of shares in Toyland Coca Cola Co fell dramatically. Mrs Mouse, who works for Barry Bramble, had an interesting theory on the result however.
'Do the toys mean they like traditional lemon juice and sugar, or do they mean these modern fizzy Sprite stuff?' she asked.
Mayoress of Smallvania, Mabel Badger, said she disapproved of fizzy lemonade. 'It rots your teeth something rotten,' she exclaimed while sucking on a peppermint, and offered any children to come round to her house if they wanted to try some real lemonade.
The poll offers no clues as to which type of lemonade the toys actually like.
Toys who did not choose lemonade as the drink which they would most like to drink if they'd like a drink included King Chris, who said he'd have a Castle Lager any day, and Queen Nala, who said she'd prefer to go and dunk her lioness face in a pool of water if she was thirsty. Sabrina Spellman said she would prefer a barley leaf freshly pressed fruit smoothie with fully skimmed milk.
Ducky was asleep while this article was being written, but no doubt would have said he likes lemonade too. Ducky is two years old.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Whitey flies away on business trip
WHITE TEDDY, known affectionately to most of Toyland as White Teddy, yesterday made a surprise visit to Boston, Massachussets, USA. This city is not to be confused with Boston, Toyland, where Whitey lives. The flight lasted approximately six and a half hours, Whitey leaving from London with Emily's Daddy who was going on a business trip to Harvard University.
It is rumoured that Emily's Daddy had not planned to take Whitey, but that Emily encouraged Whitey to jump in the suitcase anyway. The event mirrors the famous Spain scandal of some years back where White Teddy and Shawly hid under the covers, camoflauged by their sheer whiteness, to avoid flying home from a holiday in Spain. They were later caught sunning themselves on a beach and were immediately posted back to Toyland.
Since then, Whitey has gained a reputation for being something of a rebel. His countless escapades have won him the affection of Marissa Cooper, his long time girlfriend.
'Oh he's such a sweetheart!' Marissa, 18, beamed. 'I will miss him SO MUCH but oh my goodness he will love Boston! I went there last year with Emily of course but he needs to experience it himself! I'm sure Harvard will offer him a place to study there! But he better not accept, he needs to come back and cuddle me in his soft, polar bear fur!'
Toyland has something of an affinity to Boston, USA, despite the two places being separated by the Atlantic Ocean. Toys such as Marshmallow, the barking pink poodle, were bought there. Ducky Mallard, two years old, spent his childhood wandering across the city in an adventure later popularised as a children's book. Finally, of course, when Toyland was divided into two parts, the big toys named their half Boston.
Whitey is expected to return home on Friday.
It is rumoured that Emily's Daddy had not planned to take Whitey, but that Emily encouraged Whitey to jump in the suitcase anyway. The event mirrors the famous Spain scandal of some years back where White Teddy and Shawly hid under the covers, camoflauged by their sheer whiteness, to avoid flying home from a holiday in Spain. They were later caught sunning themselves on a beach and were immediately posted back to Toyland.
Since then, Whitey has gained a reputation for being something of a rebel. His countless escapades have won him the affection of Marissa Cooper, his long time girlfriend.
'Oh he's such a sweetheart!' Marissa, 18, beamed. 'I will miss him SO MUCH but oh my goodness he will love Boston! I went there last year with Emily of course but he needs to experience it himself! I'm sure Harvard will offer him a place to study there! But he better not accept, he needs to come back and cuddle me in his soft, polar bear fur!'
Toyland has something of an affinity to Boston, USA, despite the two places being separated by the Atlantic Ocean. Toys such as Marshmallow, the barking pink poodle, were bought there. Ducky Mallard, two years old, spent his childhood wandering across the city in an adventure later popularised as a children's book. Finally, of course, when Toyland was divided into two parts, the big toys named their half Boston.
Whitey is expected to return home on Friday.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Toyland rocked by fireworks
THE TOYLAND SKY WAS lit up tonight by fireworks, celebrating Guy Fawkes day. The show was put on for free in Smallvania Square by King Chris and Queen Spurry.
Toffee apples and chocolate apples were on sale at the Barry Bramble Department Store which stayed open late to offer food to spectators. 'Burgers with onions, burgers without onions, hot dogs, glow-sticks, we have it all!' said Barry Bramble in the voice of a Victorian showman demonstrating his latest exhibit. With gusto he announced the ketchup was on the table to the right.
The local Parent-Teacher Association was on hand to add the onions to the said burgers, with Mrs Dalmation of the local nursery leading the other mothers.
It soon emerged however that the firework display was not to everyone's taste, when many of Toyland's woodland creatures and animals got frightened by the loud bangs and flashes. As soon as the display started, the cat Meow family ran inside to hide from the noise. Across the border in Boston, the Bostonian royal family could be seen covering their ears and trembling. Even the Dalmation family had to return home, leaving the burger stand prematurely closed.
As the many animals of Toyland either cheered with amazement or barked with terror, a human, Sabrina Spellman, reminded everyone that pets should be kept indoors on Bonfire Night.
TE
- The beginning of November also marks one year since the evil snail Princess Purple Spots tried to take over Toyland by attempting to burn down King Cheeky's Parliament in his pumpkin-mobile.
Toffee apples and chocolate apples were on sale at the Barry Bramble Department Store which stayed open late to offer food to spectators. 'Burgers with onions, burgers without onions, hot dogs, glow-sticks, we have it all!' said Barry Bramble in the voice of a Victorian showman demonstrating his latest exhibit. With gusto he announced the ketchup was on the table to the right.
The local Parent-Teacher Association was on hand to add the onions to the said burgers, with Mrs Dalmation of the local nursery leading the other mothers.
It soon emerged however that the firework display was not to everyone's taste, when many of Toyland's woodland creatures and animals got frightened by the loud bangs and flashes. As soon as the display started, the cat Meow family ran inside to hide from the noise. Across the border in Boston, the Bostonian royal family could be seen covering their ears and trembling. Even the Dalmation family had to return home, leaving the burger stand prematurely closed.
As the many animals of Toyland either cheered with amazement or barked with terror, a human, Sabrina Spellman, reminded everyone that pets should be kept indoors on Bonfire Night.
TE
- The beginning of November also marks one year since the evil snail Princess Purple Spots tried to take over Toyland by attempting to burn down King Cheeky's Parliament in his pumpkin-mobile.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Spooky goings on in Toyland shock!
TOYLAND WAS ROCKED TODAY by howling winds, dark clouds and strange events scaring even the land's most fearless characters.
It started this morning when items in the House of Bramble Department Store cafe fell over without anyone touching them. Witness Monsieur Meow, the French chef, said, 'Eet waz abzolutely terrible, zee whole room was shaking and err we did not know why! Zee sundaes made an awful mess on zee floor! Zut alors! Il etait vraiment effrayant'. M. Meow was clearly so terrified that he couldn't bring himself to finish his sentence in English.
The owner of the cafe, Barry Bramble, was skeptical. 'What do you mean ghosts? It's absolute nonsense, where I grew up in Wolverhampton things were always falling over without touching them, but that might have just been things falling apart. That's all I've got to say about that. Ooh it's suddenly gone very cold I ought to go and put on a thicker pair of yellow dungarees!'
King Chris tried to calm his people down. 'I'm not afraid of anything. That cafe nonsense was down to Hurricane Julie, the cleaner who always knocks over toys when she comes! Where did this ghost business come from?' We then told Chris that Julie didn't come today because she had to take Abbi to the wart clinic. 'What? Julie wasn't here? Eeeeeek!' The King's voice then went very high pitched as his brown furry face went pale.
Just across the road on Sunshine Avenue, the Hatton Farm Village was also said by some to be haunted. Mrs Dalmation was taking the Sylvanian nursey children on a class trip to the petting farm when she popped into the gift shop to buy some pumpkin pie. 'I just felt something strange, like there was someone else in the shop with me who I couldn't see... Then when I got back into the coach and sat down, I felt someone tugging on my spotty ears, which the children sometimes like to do. When I turned round to see who it was though there was no-one there! Just baby Freya sleeping away.' This raises the question of whether Toyland is being haunted by ghosts!
In Boston, toys took a more light hearted approach to Hallowe'en. Marissa Cooper is from California, USA, where Hallowe'en is a highly profitable day of the year. 'Oh yes I am going trick or treating tonight! I'm going to knock on all the doors in Toyland and ask for candy! That shouldn't take long!' Marissa then showed us her costume. She will be going as Marie Antoinette, the French queen who had her head chopped off and is now the subject of a new Hollywood film. 'Because I am like a movie star!' Marissa beamed. 'We will also be carving Jack-o-Lanterns [pumpkins - ed]! Marissa's friend Sabrina Spellman loves Hallowe'en even more that her cool California college friend.
'I am going as a black cat!' she announced, to no-one's surprise. Sabrina's dress has black cats on it. 'I will also be doing magic spells! So watch out!'
Even King Cheeky has been getting into the spirit (hee hee!) of things. 'Have you noticed how its suddenly getting all dark in the middle of the day? I don't think that's just coincidence! Also yesterday all of the clocks in Toyland suddenly went wrong! We were told they had gone an hour too fast! I say, there've been strange, strange goings on in Toyland!'
It started this morning when items in the House of Bramble Department Store cafe fell over without anyone touching them. Witness Monsieur Meow, the French chef, said, 'Eet waz abzolutely terrible, zee whole room was shaking and err we did not know why! Zee sundaes made an awful mess on zee floor! Zut alors! Il etait vraiment effrayant'. M. Meow was clearly so terrified that he couldn't bring himself to finish his sentence in English.
The owner of the cafe, Barry Bramble, was skeptical. 'What do you mean ghosts? It's absolute nonsense, where I grew up in Wolverhampton things were always falling over without touching them, but that might have just been things falling apart. That's all I've got to say about that. Ooh it's suddenly gone very cold I ought to go and put on a thicker pair of yellow dungarees!'
King Chris tried to calm his people down. 'I'm not afraid of anything. That cafe nonsense was down to Hurricane Julie, the cleaner who always knocks over toys when she comes! Where did this ghost business come from?' We then told Chris that Julie didn't come today because she had to take Abbi to the wart clinic. 'What? Julie wasn't here? Eeeeeek!' The King's voice then went very high pitched as his brown furry face went pale.
Just across the road on Sunshine Avenue, the Hatton Farm Village was also said by some to be haunted. Mrs Dalmation was taking the Sylvanian nursey children on a class trip to the petting farm when she popped into the gift shop to buy some pumpkin pie. 'I just felt something strange, like there was someone else in the shop with me who I couldn't see... Then when I got back into the coach and sat down, I felt someone tugging on my spotty ears, which the children sometimes like to do. When I turned round to see who it was though there was no-one there! Just baby Freya sleeping away.' This raises the question of whether Toyland is being haunted by ghosts!
In Boston, toys took a more light hearted approach to Hallowe'en. Marissa Cooper is from California, USA, where Hallowe'en is a highly profitable day of the year. 'Oh yes I am going trick or treating tonight! I'm going to knock on all the doors in Toyland and ask for candy! That shouldn't take long!' Marissa then showed us her costume. She will be going as Marie Antoinette, the French queen who had her head chopped off and is now the subject of a new Hollywood film. 'Because I am like a movie star!' Marissa beamed. 'We will also be carving Jack-o-Lanterns [pumpkins - ed]! Marissa's friend Sabrina Spellman loves Hallowe'en even more that her cool California college friend.
'I am going as a black cat!' she announced, to no-one's surprise. Sabrina's dress has black cats on it. 'I will also be doing magic spells! So watch out!'
Even King Cheeky has been getting into the spirit (hee hee!) of things. 'Have you noticed how its suddenly getting all dark in the middle of the day? I don't think that's just coincidence! Also yesterday all of the clocks in Toyland suddenly went wrong! We were told they had gone an hour too fast! I say, there've been strange, strange goings on in Toyland!'
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Land of Old Toys rocked by autumn tidy up
THE LAND OF OLD TOYS was shuddering tonight after a whirlwind of tidying up hit right into the centre of the boxes and baskets in which old toys Emily no longer plays with sit.
Heartlessly, Emily's mum rounded up many soft toys into a big plastic bag, which experts predict is to be sent to a second hand sale. Toys waited anxiously to hear their fate as they were lifted up and Emily offered a firm 'yes' or 'no' answer.
Toys being banished altogether from all Toyland include Rosie, the ragdoll infamous for bullying Marissa before her ascent into popularity, a McDonald's Mr Bump toy, Little Fluff Bun, and a tiger who never even got a name.
The most controversial choice so far are the twin bunny glove puppets, which are nineteen years old, having been bought for Emily's eldest brother when he was two years old. One of the bunnies was in fact second hand itself, though nowadays indistinguishable from his newer brother. It remains to be seen whether these Toyland veterans will indeed be thrown out.
Toys surviving the events include Dr Flixy and Spanish Bull.
The Toyland Express is against any plans to throw out any toys, and those who cannot be saved will be sorely missed.
Heartlessly, Emily's mum rounded up many soft toys into a big plastic bag, which experts predict is to be sent to a second hand sale. Toys waited anxiously to hear their fate as they were lifted up and Emily offered a firm 'yes' or 'no' answer.
Toys being banished altogether from all Toyland include Rosie, the ragdoll infamous for bullying Marissa before her ascent into popularity, a McDonald's Mr Bump toy, Little Fluff Bun, and a tiger who never even got a name.
The most controversial choice so far are the twin bunny glove puppets, which are nineteen years old, having been bought for Emily's eldest brother when he was two years old. One of the bunnies was in fact second hand itself, though nowadays indistinguishable from his newer brother. It remains to be seen whether these Toyland veterans will indeed be thrown out.
Toys surviving the events include Dr Flixy and Spanish Bull.
The Toyland Express is against any plans to throw out any toys, and those who cannot be saved will be sorely missed.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
King Cheeky misses good old days
KING CHEEKY OF BOSTON made a revealing comment yesterday to the big toys of Toyland when he said he 'misses the good old days'.
Cheeky has had a difficult time over the last year, and while on a jog around Toyland yesterday he spotted a Toyland Express reporter. Jogging over at the lightening fast speed one expects of a cheetah, the King said hello. He was dressed in his beautiful royal red velvet robe, estimated by experts as the most valuable piece of all toy clothing.
'I say, I always come out for a run, it's important to stay fit. It also doesn't cost any money,' said the notoriously mean king. 'What's that you've written there?' he then pointed to the journalist's notepad. 'Mean? Mean? I say I'm not mean!'
'Ever since Chris Steakface took over half of Toyland and named it Smallvania, I've become the bad guy. Wasn't it better when I was king of all Toyland? I never even get to sleep in Emily's bed any more, and toys are always complaining about taxes in Boston.'
The spotted king was forced out of his castle in August by a peaceful coup in which the small toys demanded to be ruled by fellow small toys, and thus created an independent 'Smallvanian' state. Since then King Chris and Queen Spurry have been voted the best rulers of Toyland ever. King Cheeky and Queen Nala came second, which is the same as last place, when the vote was announced some weeks ago.
King Cheeky is the oldest of the royal family of Boston, which consists of himself, Queen Nala (a lioness), their son Prince Simba (a lion) and daugher Princess Carly (a cheetah). Cheeky turned three human years old on August 1st of this year, and in toy years is somewhere in his sixties. King Chris of Smallvania, meanwhile, is a youthful forty-two.
When asked what the best moment of his life as a young, excitable cheetah with a cute purr, Cheeky said it was the time Emily fed him lemonade in Spain.
Pictured: Cheeky enjoying lemonade in TGI Friday's in Spain in March 2004. He was just eight human months old.
At this point Marissa Cooper bounded past and invited everyone to her house for fruit smoothies and cheered everyone up. Even old King Cheeky gave a little smile, especially when told the smoothies were free.
Cheeky has had a difficult time over the last year, and while on a jog around Toyland yesterday he spotted a Toyland Express reporter. Jogging over at the lightening fast speed one expects of a cheetah, the King said hello. He was dressed in his beautiful royal red velvet robe, estimated by experts as the most valuable piece of all toy clothing.
'I say, I always come out for a run, it's important to stay fit. It also doesn't cost any money,' said the notoriously mean king. 'What's that you've written there?' he then pointed to the journalist's notepad. 'Mean? Mean? I say I'm not mean!'
'Ever since Chris Steakface took over half of Toyland and named it Smallvania, I've become the bad guy. Wasn't it better when I was king of all Toyland? I never even get to sleep in Emily's bed any more, and toys are always complaining about taxes in Boston.'
The spotted king was forced out of his castle in August by a peaceful coup in which the small toys demanded to be ruled by fellow small toys, and thus created an independent 'Smallvanian' state. Since then King Chris and Queen Spurry have been voted the best rulers of Toyland ever. King Cheeky and Queen Nala came second, which is the same as last place, when the vote was announced some weeks ago.
King Cheeky is the oldest of the royal family of Boston, which consists of himself, Queen Nala (a lioness), their son Prince Simba (a lion) and daugher Princess Carly (a cheetah). Cheeky turned three human years old on August 1st of this year, and in toy years is somewhere in his sixties. King Chris of Smallvania, meanwhile, is a youthful forty-two.
When asked what the best moment of his life as a young, excitable cheetah with a cute purr, Cheeky said it was the time Emily fed him lemonade in Spain.
Pictured: Cheeky enjoying lemonade in TGI Friday's in Spain in March 2004. He was just eight human months old.
At this point Marissa Cooper bounded past and invited everyone to her house for fruit smoothies and cheered everyone up. Even old King Cheeky gave a little smile, especially when told the smoothies were free.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Ducky gets new slippers
DUCKY IS RELAXING IN A PAIR of new, luxury slippers bought for him during his trip to Granny and Granda's house with Emily. The Build-a-Bear accessories are the latest in a long line of clothes to be bought for the fashionable Bostonian duck. The posh looking slippers were paid for by Emily's grandparents.
'They are absolutely lovely,' said Ducky, sipping a cup of extra strong Boston harbour tea. 'Thank you so much Emily!'
Thus Ducky becomes historically the first toy to have a pair of slippers. King Cheeky welcomed the news, telling Smallvanians 'Look, in Boston we have slippers! And extra strong tea!'
Ducky is two years old.
'They are absolutely lovely,' said Ducky, sipping a cup of extra strong Boston harbour tea. 'Thank you so much Emily!'
Thus Ducky becomes historically the first toy to have a pair of slippers. King Cheeky welcomed the news, telling Smallvanians 'Look, in Boston we have slippers! And extra strong tea!'
Ducky is two years old.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Mystery of the flying coin
Toyland residents were in confusion yesterday when Emma Bramble, the seven year old daughter of Smallvanian entrepreneur Barry Bramble, claimed she saw a £1 'fly across the room'.
The incident began when Mrs Liz Bramble left two pound coins on the table in their family home. When one of them went missing, Liz found it on the floor underneath Emma's chair. At this point Emma said the coin got there by magically flying from the table.
Jonathan Bramble was not convinced though. 'She obviously just took the coin. Coins can't fly! I keep all my coins in a safe in my bedroom.'
Emma Bramble then got very cross and insisted the coin did indeed fly and she had nothing to do with it. Elmo has started an investigation and has questioned Toyland residents Sabrina Spellman and the Lego fairy, asking them if they used magic to move the coin as a practical joke.
The case continues.
TE
In other news
Topless photo of Ducky published
The incident began when Mrs Liz Bramble left two pound coins on the table in their family home. When one of them went missing, Liz found it on the floor underneath Emma's chair. At this point Emma said the coin got there by magically flying from the table.
Jonathan Bramble was not convinced though. 'She obviously just took the coin. Coins can't fly! I keep all my coins in a safe in my bedroom.'
Emma Bramble then got very cross and insisted the coin did indeed fly and she had nothing to do with it. Elmo has started an investigation and has questioned Toyland residents Sabrina Spellman and the Lego fairy, asking them if they used magic to move the coin as a practical joke.
The case continues.
TE
In other news
Topless photo of Ducky published
Excitement mounts for trip to Granny's house
TOYS ARE CURRENTLY WAITING EXCITEDLY to know if they are to be taken to visit Granny's house tomorrow when Emily goes to visit her grandparents. The short trip will last a few days of half term and already Queen Spurry and King Chris have been speculating about which toys will be taken.
'I expect I should be taken, and of course with my wife,' said Chris, patting Spurry on the head. 'The problem is of course sometimes Emily doesn't take small toys on trips like these in case we get lost. What do you think, Spurry? Spurry? Where are you?'
Spurry quickly returned with a baking hot tray of homemade blueberry muffins, and explained her thoughts. 'I think the only toys which will certainly be going are Ducky and Shawly - they are bed toys and have an automatic advantage.' Ducky and Shawly have slept in Emily's bed every night of Emily's life unless she was on holiday in which case Ducky stayed at home, because of his size.
Ducky is very excited about the prospect of going to Granny's house, to drink cups of Rington's tea and be there to cuddle Emily after she has got back from a trip to Ikea or a walk in the park.
'I'm so excited!' quacked the Bostonian Bear Factory duck.
Pictured: A young, naked Ducky in Granny's house in February 2005.
'But I'll be wearing clothes this time!' he added, showing off his new Hello Kitty pants. Ducky is two years old.
Past toys to visit Granny's house have included Edd the Duck, Peter Wizard, King Cheeky and Marissa Cooper. Other toys which have never been are keeping their fingers crossed for this time - including Canada Jack, the new arrival the Hungry Lion, and Prince Stephen, son of King Chris and Queen Spurry.
TE
'I expect I should be taken, and of course with my wife,' said Chris, patting Spurry on the head. 'The problem is of course sometimes Emily doesn't take small toys on trips like these in case we get lost. What do you think, Spurry? Spurry? Where are you?'
Spurry quickly returned with a baking hot tray of homemade blueberry muffins, and explained her thoughts. 'I think the only toys which will certainly be going are Ducky and Shawly - they are bed toys and have an automatic advantage.' Ducky and Shawly have slept in Emily's bed every night of Emily's life unless she was on holiday in which case Ducky stayed at home, because of his size.
Ducky is very excited about the prospect of going to Granny's house, to drink cups of Rington's tea and be there to cuddle Emily after she has got back from a trip to Ikea or a walk in the park.
'I'm so excited!' quacked the Bostonian Bear Factory duck.
Pictured: A young, naked Ducky in Granny's house in February 2005.
'But I'll be wearing clothes this time!' he added, showing off his new Hello Kitty pants. Ducky is two years old.
Past toys to visit Granny's house have included Edd the Duck, Peter Wizard, King Cheeky and Marissa Cooper. Other toys which have never been are keeping their fingers crossed for this time - including Canada Jack, the new arrival the Hungry Lion, and Prince Stephen, son of King Chris and Queen Spurry.
TE
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Toyland postman delivers opinion
RYAN ATWOOD, the pin-up postman who delivers letters for all of Toyland, has said for the first time that he was 'very sad' when the Toyland Post Office closed.
The Post Office, which he worked in with his partner Nazzy Star, was closed and converted into a library, which can now be found in Smallvania Square. However Ryan, famous for his brown satchel, smart shirts and sunkissed hair, said today that Toyland needed a Post Office back.
'King Chris isn't doing enough to help the postal service. Has anyone noticed how people are not getting letters or parcels as fast anymore? It's all very well saying you can just use e-mail but it's nowhere near as good!' said Ryan while taking a tea break outside the dolls' house. 'Anyway none of the Sylvanian Families have a computer - not even the Kings and Queens of Toyland have computers.'
Ryan handed out leaflets and stickers with a heart logo for his campaign, which has been taken to the Prime Minister in London.
The Post Office, which he worked in with his partner Nazzy Star, was closed and converted into a library, which can now be found in Smallvania Square. However Ryan, famous for his brown satchel, smart shirts and sunkissed hair, said today that Toyland needed a Post Office back.
'King Chris isn't doing enough to help the postal service. Has anyone noticed how people are not getting letters or parcels as fast anymore? It's all very well saying you can just use e-mail but it's nowhere near as good!' said Ryan while taking a tea break outside the dolls' house. 'Anyway none of the Sylvanian Families have a computer - not even the Kings and Queens of Toyland have computers.'
Ryan handed out leaflets and stickers with a heart logo for his campaign, which has been taken to the Prime Minister in London.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
The heavier the stupider?
RESIDENTS OF BOSTON REACTED with anger today to a report published by scientists that found the greater your weight, the lower your IQ, or intelligence.
The study linked being greatly overweight as leading to stupidity, and the light and nimble Smallvanians were quick to use it as propaganda against their big toy rivals in Boston, nicknamed 'Bigvania' by patriotic Smallvanians. The study was greeted with the most joy by entrepreneur and wannabe comedian Barry Bramble, known for his unfunny jokes about how stupid 'Bigvanians' are.
'How many Bigvanians does it take to change a lightbulb?' laughed the hedgehog to our reporter. 'One - to go and ask a Smallvanian to change it because they don't know how to!'
In the ensuing silence, several Bostonians came to defend themselves. 'Just because I like eating honey and am overweight doesn't affect how clever I am! I have been the longest serving Mayor in Toyland history, have I not?' said Mayor Winnie the Pooh.
When asked what he thought of the study, Ducky said he did not have a fat bottom and would take the Toyland Express to court if it said he did. 'Anyway I am clever, don't you remember when Lizzie taught me to read?' he (or she?) added. Prince Simba, the heir to the Bostonian throne, also declined to comment. Penny Penguin, the royal butler, hooted that he was too busy eating and playing computer games.
King Cheeky himself was eager to have the final word - 'Obviously Smallvanians have the smallest brains! Because they are smaller!'
It remains to be seem how long this argument will continue between the big toys and the small toys.
The study linked being greatly overweight as leading to stupidity, and the light and nimble Smallvanians were quick to use it as propaganda against their big toy rivals in Boston, nicknamed 'Bigvania' by patriotic Smallvanians. The study was greeted with the most joy by entrepreneur and wannabe comedian Barry Bramble, known for his unfunny jokes about how stupid 'Bigvanians' are.
'How many Bigvanians does it take to change a lightbulb?' laughed the hedgehog to our reporter. 'One - to go and ask a Smallvanian to change it because they don't know how to!'
In the ensuing silence, several Bostonians came to defend themselves. 'Just because I like eating honey and am overweight doesn't affect how clever I am! I have been the longest serving Mayor in Toyland history, have I not?' said Mayor Winnie the Pooh.
When asked what he thought of the study, Ducky said he did not have a fat bottom and would take the Toyland Express to court if it said he did. 'Anyway I am clever, don't you remember when Lizzie taught me to read?' he (or she?) added. Prince Simba, the heir to the Bostonian throne, also declined to comment. Penny Penguin, the royal butler, hooted that he was too busy eating and playing computer games.
King Cheeky himself was eager to have the final word - 'Obviously Smallvanians have the smallest brains! Because they are smaller!'
It remains to be seem how long this argument will continue between the big toys and the small toys.
Marissa Souper
BOSTONIAN SOCIALITE Marissa Cooper, famous for her excessive wealth, yesterday volunteered at a local soup kitchen. There she served hot soup to the homeless, in the kitchen which is situated in the Land of Old Toys, the unfortunate final home for toys which Emily is no longer interested in.
Beaming with a smile, Marissa, an eighteen year old university student, said 'It's great to give something back and help those who have had a harder time in our society. Hot tomato soup is something us toys often take for granted.' She served toys including the bunny glove puppets, twins who found success in the late 1980s and 1990s being played with by Emily's brothers. Since then, they have been neglected and left in the company of countless old toys, which are mostly babyish or from McDonald's.
'Some of these toys come to me for soup and they still smell of greasy burgers from when they arrived in a Happy Meal,' sighed Marissa. 'Mmmm burgers!' she added.
Some toys were less than impressed at Marissa's self-righteousness. As she sped off in her blue convertible back to her student room in Boston, a blonde haired girl wearing a red dress with a cat on told us 'Marissa is just copying me, I've worked here for months and I've never had a newspaper article written about me.'. The girl was exactly the same height as Marissa and smiled just as much, but refused to be named.
Related stories
Marissa's 'Canada Jack' campaign still largely without success.
Marissa apologises that lost purse was in her pocket all along.
TE
Beaming with a smile, Marissa, an eighteen year old university student, said 'It's great to give something back and help those who have had a harder time in our society. Hot tomato soup is something us toys often take for granted.' She served toys including the bunny glove puppets, twins who found success in the late 1980s and 1990s being played with by Emily's brothers. Since then, they have been neglected and left in the company of countless old toys, which are mostly babyish or from McDonald's.
'Some of these toys come to me for soup and they still smell of greasy burgers from when they arrived in a Happy Meal,' sighed Marissa. 'Mmmm burgers!' she added.
Some toys were less than impressed at Marissa's self-righteousness. As she sped off in her blue convertible back to her student room in Boston, a blonde haired girl wearing a red dress with a cat on told us 'Marissa is just copying me, I've worked here for months and I've never had a newspaper article written about me.'. The girl was exactly the same height as Marissa and smiled just as much, but refused to be named.
Related stories
Marissa's 'Canada Jack' campaign still largely without success.
Marissa apologises that lost purse was in her pocket all along.
TE
Friday, October 13, 2006
New world record in conker collecting set
QUEEN SPURRY of Smallvania today reached a new world record for conker collection by a toy. She collected one hundred conkers and piled them up in the castle, beating the previous record set by Sam the Squirrel of twelve and a half conkers. Sam's record was often questioned however, as people wondered why he collected half a conker instead of a whole one.
Controversy has already surrounded Queen Spurry however after it was revealed she told her husband King Chris she was feeling sick so that she could have the day off from her work as Queen.
'She just used the time to go collecting conkers!' said an enraged Smallvanian resident, Canada Jack. 'It's not what we pay our taxes for. But I do like Spurry she makes marvellous muffins.'
The Queen quickly hit back at the allegations however. 'Oi! I really was sick. Did you smell that bucket? Anyway today I collected 94 conkers which added to my previous collection of six puts me well in the lead of the world's biggest conker collection owned by a toy.'
'I'm so proud of her,' said King Chris. 'Especially considering each conker is about the size of her whole body! She's got the strength of a dung beetle, though she isn't as smelly! I love you Spurry.'
'I love you too Chris' squeaked the Queen, before a passionate embrace.
TE
Controversy has already surrounded Queen Spurry however after it was revealed she told her husband King Chris she was feeling sick so that she could have the day off from her work as Queen.
'She just used the time to go collecting conkers!' said an enraged Smallvanian resident, Canada Jack. 'It's not what we pay our taxes for. But I do like Spurry she makes marvellous muffins.'
The Queen quickly hit back at the allegations however. 'Oi! I really was sick. Did you smell that bucket? Anyway today I collected 94 conkers which added to my previous collection of six puts me well in the lead of the world's biggest conker collection owned by a toy.'
'I'm so proud of her,' said King Chris. 'Especially considering each conker is about the size of her whole body! She's got the strength of a dung beetle, though she isn't as smelly! I love you Spurry.'
'I love you too Chris' squeaked the Queen, before a passionate embrace.
TE
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Christmas must haves unveiled!
It may seem like Summer has barely ended, but there are only 75 days until Christmas! Or only 73 shopping days, according to local entrepreneur Barry Bramble, who is reputed to be seeking to let King Chris allow shops to be open over Christmas Day and Boxing Day too.
That means there is less and less time to start your Christmas shopping! Toyland was reminded of that fact yesterday when Bramble Enterprises unveiled its Christmas toy selection at the National Christmas Convention at the NEC, held between 12th and 14th of October every year. The Smallvanian toyshop in the Barry Bramble Department Store will be stocking up on the items Barry thinks every child will have on their Christmas list.
Toys have come a long way since the 1520s, when children used to be content with a ball of wool and a tissue to protect them against the plague. The toys on show yesterday were very hi-tech, and predictive of what may be moving to Toyland come December 25th!
Toys on show included the new, new, new Tamagotchi, a pocket virtual pet which periodically goes to the toilet and gets ill. Speculation is mounting as to whether Emily will want to buy a new Tamagotchi, which would be her fourth! Also included was the Tickle Me Elmo toy, based on the red monster from Sesame Street.
Video: Tickle Me Elmo in action at the NEC
Smallvanian policemen Elmo had this to say on the laughing and wriggling version of himself about to go on sale: 'Elmo says stop! Stop tickling me! Ahahahahaha! Hee hee!' When we stopped tickling him he told us to stop wasting police time.
Also expected to be a hit this Christmas is a new Jellycat doll, to be a friend for fellow Jellycats Marissa, Sabrina and Lizzie. Sabrina was in fact a Christmas present last year, and has since found success in Toyland as an alternative doctor to Dr Flixy (Flixotide Teddy), and healthy eating campaigner. Marissa and Sabrina both study at Harvard University. 'I'd just absolutely love to have another Jellycat pal here in Toyland!' said Marissa, with a beaming smile, whilst munching on a candy cane. Her friend Sabrina agreed, though she was munching on a celery stick.
The exhibition also showcased Build-a-Bear clothes for Ducky, various Sylvanian houses and characters, and an assortment of apples, clementines and £1 coins. 'The £1 coin is always a hit in the stocking,' said Barry Bramble, showing he had a pocket full of them.
It just remains until December 25th to see which of these many toys Santa Claus may deliver to Emily, if she has been nice not naughty!
TE
That means there is less and less time to start your Christmas shopping! Toyland was reminded of that fact yesterday when Bramble Enterprises unveiled its Christmas toy selection at the National Christmas Convention at the NEC, held between 12th and 14th of October every year. The Smallvanian toyshop in the Barry Bramble Department Store will be stocking up on the items Barry thinks every child will have on their Christmas list.
Toys have come a long way since the 1520s, when children used to be content with a ball of wool and a tissue to protect them against the plague. The toys on show yesterday were very hi-tech, and predictive of what may be moving to Toyland come December 25th!
Toys on show included the new, new, new Tamagotchi, a pocket virtual pet which periodically goes to the toilet and gets ill. Speculation is mounting as to whether Emily will want to buy a new Tamagotchi, which would be her fourth! Also included was the Tickle Me Elmo toy, based on the red monster from Sesame Street.
Video: Tickle Me Elmo in action at the NEC
Smallvanian policemen Elmo had this to say on the laughing and wriggling version of himself about to go on sale: 'Elmo says stop! Stop tickling me! Ahahahahaha! Hee hee!' When we stopped tickling him he told us to stop wasting police time.
Also expected to be a hit this Christmas is a new Jellycat doll, to be a friend for fellow Jellycats Marissa, Sabrina and Lizzie. Sabrina was in fact a Christmas present last year, and has since found success in Toyland as an alternative doctor to Dr Flixy (Flixotide Teddy), and healthy eating campaigner. Marissa and Sabrina both study at Harvard University. 'I'd just absolutely love to have another Jellycat pal here in Toyland!' said Marissa, with a beaming smile, whilst munching on a candy cane. Her friend Sabrina agreed, though she was munching on a celery stick.
The exhibition also showcased Build-a-Bear clothes for Ducky, various Sylvanian houses and characters, and an assortment of apples, clementines and £1 coins. 'The £1 coin is always a hit in the stocking,' said Barry Bramble, showing he had a pocket full of them.
It just remains until December 25th to see which of these many toys Santa Claus may deliver to Emily, if she has been nice not naughty!
TE
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Special Offer: Bramble Tour DVD
Here is a preview of Barry Bramble's Tour of Smallvania, now avaiable on DVD on mail order from the Toyland Express! Just 20p plus seventeen numbered tokens collected from promotional packs of Toy-Os, the candy floss flavoured breakfast cereal.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Marissa Cooper: Blog
Hey guys, well this is the first installment of the blog I am writing for the Toyland Express. I've just finished my first week at Harvard University in Boston, studying history, and I returned to visit my sister Lizzie this weekend in my house in Toyland!
I have eaten pasta every day of the week, which is a quick and simple recipe and a healthy alternative to tinned meals! I have to cook for myself, though sometimes my flatmate Sabrina cooks for me! She is vegetarian. I share my kitchen with all the people on my floor, which is about 347 people. It's not so bad. For some reason we all cook at different times and it never gets too crowded around the one cooker.
This week my plans are to do lots of work, and we have a burgers and milkshakes party this week which is great because I'm American! I think I'll fit in very well! I am also going to join a singing club, as my singing is often remarked upon by Sabrina when I'm in the shower! She is alwyas shouting at me about how good I am, though I can't completely hear what she is saying because of all the water!
I'll report back to you guys soon! In the mean time, keep checking the Toyland Express!
Marissa xoxo
I have eaten pasta every day of the week, which is a quick and simple recipe and a healthy alternative to tinned meals! I have to cook for myself, though sometimes my flatmate Sabrina cooks for me! She is vegetarian. I share my kitchen with all the people on my floor, which is about 347 people. It's not so bad. For some reason we all cook at different times and it never gets too crowded around the one cooker.
This week my plans are to do lots of work, and we have a burgers and milkshakes party this week which is great because I'm American! I think I'll fit in very well! I am also going to join a singing club, as my singing is often remarked upon by Sabrina when I'm in the shower! She is alwyas shouting at me about how good I am, though I can't completely hear what she is saying because of all the water!
I'll report back to you guys soon! In the mean time, keep checking the Toyland Express!
Marissa xoxo
Friday, October 06, 2006
Mum's birthday tomorrow!
RESIDENTS OF Toyland must remember that tomorrow is Emily's Mummy's birthday, and should be prepared to celebrate accordingly.
'I shudder to imagine,' said Shawly, a veteran of eighteen such birthdays dating back to 1988, 'what would happen if anyone forgot. The results would be catastrophic.' Shawly has written a book on the subject, Worst Case Scenario: Forgetting Birthdays, available from Toyland Express Books for £6.99 plus £70 postage and packing.
The birthday looks set to be a success however, with dinner reservations booked for seven o'clock in the evening, and Emily's two university student brothers returning home for the night.
Local birthday singer Ducky Mallard is fully booked for performances on both days this weekend, with Granny CB's birthday tomorrow. 'This time of year is always profitable, with Daddy's birthday just next month! I'm so excited! Quack!' Ducky is two years old.
TE
'I shudder to imagine,' said Shawly, a veteran of eighteen such birthdays dating back to 1988, 'what would happen if anyone forgot. The results would be catastrophic.' Shawly has written a book on the subject, Worst Case Scenario: Forgetting Birthdays, available from Toyland Express Books for £6.99 plus £70 postage and packing.
The birthday looks set to be a success however, with dinner reservations booked for seven o'clock in the evening, and Emily's two university student brothers returning home for the night.
Local birthday singer Ducky Mallard is fully booked for performances on both days this weekend, with Granny CB's birthday tomorrow. 'This time of year is always profitable, with Daddy's birthday just next month! I'm so excited! Quack!' Ducky is two years old.
TE
Express unveils logo
The Toyland Express today unveiled its new logo, replacing the 'outdated' logo, which didn't exist, which was invented in 1975. Newspaper editors reacted with a mixture of shock and admiration. Said one editor of a rival newspaper, The Toytown Star, 'It looks like its been made by a child.'
However Express writers remained adament that the new logo reflected a modern and exciting newspaper. The logo, pictured below, shows Smallvanian resident Peter Wizard carrying a sword, with his trousers and beard on back to front, and wearing a cape. In his other hand, Peter carries a wine glass. 'It symbolises the most important things to our newspaper - fighting for the truth, getting things right, and drinking wine.'
The new Toyland Express logo.
However Express writers remained adament that the new logo reflected a modern and exciting newspaper. The logo, pictured below, shows Smallvanian resident Peter Wizard carrying a sword, with his trousers and beard on back to front, and wearing a cape. In his other hand, Peter carries a wine glass. 'It symbolises the most important things to our newspaper - fighting for the truth, getting things right, and drinking wine.'
The new Toyland Express logo.
The Toyland Express
This is the first article in the newly online Toyland Express, the most widely circulated newspaper of Toyland, England, serving both Smallvania, the small toy province, and Boston, the land of the big toys.
The Toyland Express is an impartial, quality newspaper reflecting the views of the average Toyland citizen, with reporters in every facet of Toyland life and outside, from the Smallvania Castle to neighbouring schools and universities.
Each article can be commented on and viewed anywhere in the world!
TE
The Toyland Express is an impartial, quality newspaper reflecting the views of the average Toyland citizen, with reporters in every facet of Toyland life and outside, from the Smallvania Castle to neighbouring schools and universities.
Each article can be commented on and viewed anywhere in the world!
TE
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