DEAR SIR,
As is customary at this time of year, I have compiled a list of the most popular boys and girls names of 2006, from the births announcements of your paper.
BOYS
1. Whitey
2. Ducky
3. Chris
4. Kris
5. Cheeky
6. Ryan
7. Simba
8. Jeff
9. Chico
10. Hershey
GIRLS
1. Marissa
2. Ducky
3. Spurry
4. Spurinda
5. Nazalia
6. Sabrina
7. Carly
8. Mabel
9. Chica
10. Clara
Yours,
J. Badger
Smallvania
In other news
Vicious food poisoning bug hits Boston, cleaners on 'high alert'
Jellycats hosting New Years Eve party with fireworks in Boston tonight, 8pm - 8am
Hershey mourns death of soul legend James Brown
King Chris puts virtual tour of historic Smallvania Castle online
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
The Queen's Speech
Here we publish Spurry's Christmas message for 2006, in this special Christmas Eve edition of the Toyland Express. Merry Christmas!
TE
TE
Postman becomes first toy to use hair products
THE TOYLAND EXPRESS can exclusively reveal pictures of Bratz doll Ryan Atwood becoming the first toy in known history to have his hair gelled or waxed.
Photographs leaked to the Express from an anonymous source show the pin-up postman having his hair done by Natalie Star, sister of Atwood's girlfriend Nazzy.
Celebrity gossip columnist Peeping Penny said of the photographs, 'This clearly shows tension in the Ryan/Nazzy relationship. She can just be seen in the background of the photo actually lying down, probably in tears, at her sister running her hands through her boyfriend's blonde locks.'
Nazzy later denied these rumours and told us to go and read last week's issue of Hello! magazine, which shows the pair in apparent domestic bliss.
Another Polly, Polly Pocket, was similarly worried by the photograph. 'I hope this doesn't mean Natalie is opening up a hair salon!' Polly Pocket owns the only hairdressers in Toyland, and one of the few shops not to be owned by Bramble Enterprises.
When we asked Atwood how he felt about being the first doll to have his hair done with hair products, he declined to comment, but did insist, 'I'm not a doll, I'm an action figure!'
Ryan is twenty-two years old.
Photographs leaked to the Express from an anonymous source show the pin-up postman having his hair done by Natalie Star, sister of Atwood's girlfriend Nazzy.
Celebrity gossip columnist Peeping Penny said of the photographs, 'This clearly shows tension in the Ryan/Nazzy relationship. She can just be seen in the background of the photo actually lying down, probably in tears, at her sister running her hands through her boyfriend's blonde locks.'
Nazzy later denied these rumours and told us to go and read last week's issue of Hello! magazine, which shows the pair in apparent domestic bliss.
Another Polly, Polly Pocket, was similarly worried by the photograph. 'I hope this doesn't mean Natalie is opening up a hair salon!' Polly Pocket owns the only hairdressers in Toyland, and one of the few shops not to be owned by Bramble Enterprises.
When we asked Atwood how he felt about being the first doll to have his hair done with hair products, he declined to comment, but did insist, 'I'm not a doll, I'm an action figure!'
Ryan is twenty-two years old.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
The Story of Marissa
Christmas posting frenzy! Here is the story of how our very own Marissa Cooper moved into Toyland, exclusive to the Toyland Express!
The Story of Marissa
(or 'Loud American Dolly goes to Toyland')
A tall girl, about twelve inches high, scrambled out from a pile of fluffy bunnies and crumpled up paper with wax crayon sketches on. She was alone and forgotten, but determined to make herself a success. She had long brown hair, an expensive looking pink dress with white poodles on, and purple high-heels. Most importantly, she had a radiant smile making her an exceptionally pretty teenager. She was sixteen, ‘sweet sixteen’ as she said, and she was not going to let anyone get in her way – not even her legs which were sewn on the wrong way round. Her name was Marissa Cooper, a fashionable and loud American from California.
Her Daddy had sent her to England to learn how to behave, as he was very rich and could afford things like that. She started her journey armed only with a handbag to match her dress and lots of money. Unfortunately she hadn’t made any friends yet, because people found her too loud. She was, though, a charming girl inside if only someone gave her a chance.
Marissa’s first task was to escape the Land of Old Toys, as she’d named it, and somehow get upstairs into Emily’s bedroom. There were stories of bright lights, fame and fortune in Emily’s room – where everyone got constant attention, where there were shops and restaurants and spectacular views. The All-American girl, this sounded like a dream to Marissa.
Marissa was currently standing on a cold wooden floor, coughing occasionally from the dust, and the room’s door closed, the handle impossible to reach. She promised to herself she was going to make it, checking her hair in her pocket mirror. Now, no one ever really spoke to Marissa, as she wasn’t a bear or a plastic doll. The people of the Land of Old Toys were not friendly – they were too sad about being forgotten by Emily. All the bears stuck together and so did all the plastic dolls. But she had heard in the cold lonely nights in the weeks since she had arrived in England that Emily’s room was a very long way away and it wasn’t worth trying to get there. Marissa was not a girl to take no for an answer though, and because in America you only have to be sixteen to drive, she knew how to drive a car. There was only one car in the Land, a blue Barbie convertible that was never used.
‘Hey! Excuse-me, hey, my name is Marissa and I couldn’t help but noticing what a nice car you have!’ Marissa smiled and said in her happy American accent. The Barbies towered over her, looking very fashionable but not very friendly. They stared at her until she said something else.
‘OK, yeah, so I was thinking like maybe I could like buy it?’ she kept smiling. The Barbies didn’t seem to like Marissa. One of them had a little puppy Dalmatian at her feet, which had just noticed the poodles on Marissa’s dress. It instantly jumped up towards her; its front paws on Marissa’s waist. She took a step back, surprised, and the Barbies giggled as she giggled too.
‘OK Spotty if you like her then she can have the car,’ said one of the Barbies (Marissa couldn’t tell which one as they all looked identical, except for the clothes they were wearing). Marissa’s face lit up as she bought the car and skipped immediately into the front seat, putting her bag on the passenger seat. She thought that Spotty was a very boring name for a Dalmatian but was so thankful to the Barbies that she didn’t say anything, though normally loud Marissa would certainly have commented.
The car was in an awful state. It was very dirty, so much that it looked dark blue in colour. Marissa rubbed away some dirt on the bonnet and saw it was a light sky blue colour underneath. It drove okay though, and Marissa was so excited that she left right away, driving whole metres happily listening to a crackling radio station before she had to stop.
She had to stop because the door was closed. Marissa was tall, but not that tall. The handle was about four times her height upwards, and even if she was that tall, it was made of heavy gold metal and Marissa was not strong. Her Daddy had always done all the manual work at home in sunny California. Marissa let out a little moan and parked the car right there, in the middle of the wooden floor, with no sign of anyone about to help her. There wasn’t even anything she could climb up onto to get to the handle.
Marissa sat there for hours, missing her Mummy and Daddy, and dreaming of Emily’s room – the shops, restaurants and spectacular views – where bears and lions and people were friends. Would she be stuck here forever? She angrily spat out her chewing gum, and it landed right on the steering wheel.
‘Oh brother!’ Marissa had had enough. She went to pick it off with her hands, but one end just got stuck to her hand while the other stayed on the steering wheel. Oh what a mess! ‘I knew I should have brought bubblegum!’ she thought. Then suddenly she had the best idea she’d had for a long time – or since deciding to buy the car, at least.
She got out the car, a long thread of chewing gum still joining her hand to the steering wheel, and ran as fast as she could away from car so that it came unstuck. Marissa could run very fast, as she was very fit and healthy, being the captain of the school cheerleading team back in the USA. She ran so hard away from the car that when she chewing gum snapped she fell right on her face and slip across the wooden floor. This didn’t bother her though, as she was too pleased with herself about her plan. She ran to the big door, and began to chew another piece of chewing gum. She spat it out so that it hit the door a little way above her head. She then chewed another piece and spat it onto her hand, and it stuck like superglue. Some distance back, a toy shouted something, but Marissa wasn’t interested. She jumped up so that her clean hand touched the gum on the door, and began climbing slowly up the door, using the gum to keep her stuck. It wasn’t very safe, and it wasn’t very fun – and all Marissa could smell was the sickly mint on her little hands. But she was very light, so chewing gum could hold her.
After what seemed like forever, she reached the door handle. She looked down and squealed – she was so high up above her car! There was no turning back now though – Marissa wasn’t going to stay in the Land of Old Toys for the rest of her life. Now Marissa was at the handle, she realised she hadn’t thought how she was going to pull down on the heavy handle. Eventually she took a fresh strip of gum from her little packet (which was running out now, so she’d have to get this right first time) and wound it round the handle. She then held onto the end and slowly slid down to the floor, which pulled the handle down a tiny amount, before running to her car and sticking the gum to the boot. She got into the driver’s seat, and pushed down on the accelerator pedal as hard as should could, driving away from the door so that the super-strength chewing gum pulled the door open quick enough before the handle went up again. To everyone’s surprise, this ridiculous plan worked, though Marissa was now out of gum. She turned around and drove towards the open door, which let the sun into her eyes from the room next door.
‘See ya later guys! I’m going to the bright lights!’ Marissa waved goodbye to her old life in the Land of Old Toys. Now she just had to find her way to Emily’s room, wherever that was.
Marissa Cooper now found herself on the edge of a huge, bright room with wicker furniture and lots of windows. There were doors opening out onto a huge garden. The only way forward into the house was through what looked like the kitchen. It was very quiet and Marissa thought there must be no one around. She was awfully hungry and having run out of chewing gum decided to park her car and find some food.
‘I wanna a burger!’ she exclaimed to herself, as burgers were her favourite food, though she knew how unhealthy they were. Looking up at the high cupboards and cutting boards, there was no sign of any burgers, or anything in fact, except the fruit bowl. Marissa couldn’t open any more cupboards; especially now she’d run out of gum, as she kept remembering. Anyway, Marissa eyed up the fruit bowl. It was like a tropical paradise of every different colour imaginable – greens, yellows, oranges, red, purple. And as Marissa was only twelve inches tall, the fruit was incredibly big.
There was a gap between the cupboard units on which the fruit sat and the wall, and Marissa headed straight for this gap. She slipped off her purple high-heels off and pushed her feet against the cupboard, and her back against the wall. Then she slowly climbed up this way. This wasn’t too hard for fit and active Marissa Cooper. She got to the top and back flipped right into the middle of a bunch of grapes. To her, each one was like a watermelon, and so she only had one, eating around the pip in the middle. She rolled some down into her car though, before jumping back down to the floor.
So far so good, thought our favourite American girl.
The next door led into a small lounge-type room with yellow couches, an unlit fire, a little television and a small white rocking chair, only big enough for a child. Marissa drove in and stopped in front of it, wondering which direction to take next. Sunshine burst in through the windows in this room, so she put on her sunglasses, which effortlessly matched her dress, shoes and handbag.
Suddenly, a deep, slow and strong sounding voice called out, ‘Yes? What is your problem?’
Marissa jumped, as she had no idea where the voice was coming from. She looked all around her, worried. She didn’t think she had a problem, and did not like the sound of this voice being all nosy and rude about it anyway. Then she heard a tremendous yawn that shook the rocking chair back, and then forwards. Marissa shut her eyes from the shock and for a moment was scared the whole chair was going to fall on top of her, which would certainly end her journey. When it swung back again and eventually settled she was relieved.
That wasn’t the end of her problems though in this room, as staring upwards at the seat of the chair, she saw a grumbling bear slowly come to the edge of it so that it could see her. Marissa was now scared the bear was going to fall on top of her, which also would certainly end her journey, and although it was shorter than her it looked much stronger and better built.
‘Hel-lo’, the bear slowly repeated. He spoke as if he had all time to say every word he was saying, and didn’t want to rush at all. His voice was so deep that it made Marissa’s stomach shake, with the watermelon grape still rolling around inside. The bear looked friendly enough, but very old. His face was drawn with lines and he looked so tired, and Marissa was scared she’d woken him up, and how he would be angry if she had. Marissa wanted to make friends not enemies!
‘I’m so sorry, sir, it’s just I’m j-j-just lost and new and lonely and I want my Mommy!’ A little tear ran down Marissa’s face, and landed on her steering wheel. She kept talking, something she did when she was nervous. ‘I’m new and lonely and I just want to get upstairs to find Emily and some friends and live the American Dream but now I’ve woken you up and you’re so angry and I know you are but I’m so sorry please don’t hurt me…’
‘Marissa,’ growled the bear in a deep voice, and the dolly’s voice faded away. Marissa wondered how this bear knew her name. He must be very clever, or even magic.
‘You told me your name, just now, don’t worry.’ He was definitely magic or something, though Marissa. It was like he had read her mind! ‘I am Wise Teddy, and I am very wise because I sit here watching everyone go past me about their lives. No one ever looks at me but I have learnt a lot from watching them. I can try and help you with any problems.’ This took a long time for Wise Teddy to say, and Marissa was dying to say something.
‘I’m so pleased to meet you Wise Teddy! My name’s Marissa Cooper and I’m lost, could you tell me where I am and where I’m going to and how I get there and things?’ She smiled sweetly, though Wise Teddy didn’t really care. He scrunched up his face and smiled a knowing smile.
‘You are in the Breakfast Room,’ he began, at which Marissa’s stomach seemed to exclaim. However there was no food to be seem anywhere in the room. ‘If you want to find Emily then she’ll be in her room, and to get there you need to go out that door,’ he pointed, ‘and go up the stairs. At the top it’s the door right in front of you. The person in charge is King Cheeky.’
Wow, a king, thought Marissa. There was no ruler in the Land of Old Toys. ‘Thank you so much, I’ll come and visit you when I’m a successful dolly! Do you take tips?’
‘No you don’t have to pay me!’ chuckled Wise Teddy. Marissa was pleased she had managed to make the sombre old teddy smile, as she drove off at top speed towards the staircase, which went up round and round. The stairs were very tall though, and with Marissa sitting in her car she could hardly see over the top of the bottom one. As any clever child will wonder, how do toys climb stairs? Marissa could have used her gymnastic skills to get up in no time, but she didn’t want to leave her new blue convertible behind. Though she wasn’t strong enough to lift it, and besides, that would make her hands all oily. She needed a method to get up the stairs as good as the chewing gum, but didn’t want to bother tired old Wise Teddy again.
So Marissa drove past the stairs into the biggest single room she’d seen all day. It was like the Breakfast Room but bigger, with a bigger fire, a bigger TV, and more couches. Her plan was to park right in the middle of the floor so that Emily or somebody would notice and pick her up and take her upstairs. But who would take Marissa upstairs? Marissa was not a popular toy, and if someone saw her in a Barbie car in the middle of the lounge, they’d take her back to the Land of Old Toys in seconds! That would be absolutely awful. Marissa got out of her car and began to nibble on her sweetie necklace.
Just then another bear came skipping past. He seemed like the opposite of Wise Teddy – he was energetic, tall and happy. He was skipping around in ever-bigger circles as if he hadn’t a care in the world. He was white and wore a red ribbon around his neck, and looked such good fun! Marissa whistled to get his attention, looking to make a new friend while she thought how she was going to get up those stairs with her car. The teddy skipped up to her and stopped a few inches short of her smiling face.
‘I’m White Teddy, or Whitey, to my friends.’ He stuck out a big furry paw for Marissa to shake. She took it, and introduced herself. Immediately Whitey grabbed her other hand and started a round of Ring a Roses. Marissa couldn’t help but laugh at what good fun Whitey was. He must be so popular, one of Emily’s favourites surely!
Suddenly, though, Marissa heard footsteps coming down the wooden floors of the corridor that she’d just driven down. With remarkable quick thinking, she stopped dancing and told Whitey to get in the car, in the drivers seat. She jumped into the passenger seat and whispered into Whitey’s ear.
‘We’re going to trick someone into taking us upstairs. Do you live upstairs?’ Whitey was clearly excited at the sound of a trick. He was something of a mischievous bear, and up for any fun that was happening.
‘No I live wherever Emily leaves me. Sometimes its upstairs. I used to live at the top of the bed!’ Whitey boomed.
‘Shhh! Someone will hear us! But really, the top of the bed?’ Marissa was impressed, as that was where the best of the best toys would sleep, right with Emily. Whitey seemed pleased with himself for sitting in a car with a beautiful girl like Marissa, and wanted to impress her more.
‘I once got left on holiday and was posted back!’ he said. Marissa told him to be quiet again and he did, as there was somebody in the room now. Both toys sat still, Marissa’s fingers crossed that the person would do as she hoped. The person walked right up to the car, the shoes almost kicking a dirty mark into Marissa’s car. Marissa let out a little squeal. The person immediately looked down. Instinctively Marissa grabbed Whitey’s furry paw again for comfort. The person then swooped down like an eagle and grabbed the whole car, and Marissa and Whitey both thought they were going to fall out of the top. They hadn’t had time to put on their seatbelts, you see. The person stopped to read some boring bit of paper beside a lampshade, as American Dolly and White Teddy hung in mid air in a Barbie car. Eventually they were carried at what seemed like a ridiculously fast speed up the stairs and thrown across a big room onto a soft bed. Like a cat, luckily they landed on their feet, or in this case, their wheels.
‘It worked! It worked! We’re here! I think, anyway. Emily’s room!’ Marissa was so excited. Lots of friendly but new toys were staring at her and Whitey, but mostly her, and lots had never seen the car before either. Whitey jumped out of the car and told Marissa he’d show her around. She really liked Whitey and was looking forward to setting up a new home.
The End
The Story of Marissa
(or 'Loud American Dolly goes to Toyland')
A tall girl, about twelve inches high, scrambled out from a pile of fluffy bunnies and crumpled up paper with wax crayon sketches on. She was alone and forgotten, but determined to make herself a success. She had long brown hair, an expensive looking pink dress with white poodles on, and purple high-heels. Most importantly, she had a radiant smile making her an exceptionally pretty teenager. She was sixteen, ‘sweet sixteen’ as she said, and she was not going to let anyone get in her way – not even her legs which were sewn on the wrong way round. Her name was Marissa Cooper, a fashionable and loud American from California.
Her Daddy had sent her to England to learn how to behave, as he was very rich and could afford things like that. She started her journey armed only with a handbag to match her dress and lots of money. Unfortunately she hadn’t made any friends yet, because people found her too loud. She was, though, a charming girl inside if only someone gave her a chance.
Marissa’s first task was to escape the Land of Old Toys, as she’d named it, and somehow get upstairs into Emily’s bedroom. There were stories of bright lights, fame and fortune in Emily’s room – where everyone got constant attention, where there were shops and restaurants and spectacular views. The All-American girl, this sounded like a dream to Marissa.
Marissa was currently standing on a cold wooden floor, coughing occasionally from the dust, and the room’s door closed, the handle impossible to reach. She promised to herself she was going to make it, checking her hair in her pocket mirror. Now, no one ever really spoke to Marissa, as she wasn’t a bear or a plastic doll. The people of the Land of Old Toys were not friendly – they were too sad about being forgotten by Emily. All the bears stuck together and so did all the plastic dolls. But she had heard in the cold lonely nights in the weeks since she had arrived in England that Emily’s room was a very long way away and it wasn’t worth trying to get there. Marissa was not a girl to take no for an answer though, and because in America you only have to be sixteen to drive, she knew how to drive a car. There was only one car in the Land, a blue Barbie convertible that was never used.
‘Hey! Excuse-me, hey, my name is Marissa and I couldn’t help but noticing what a nice car you have!’ Marissa smiled and said in her happy American accent. The Barbies towered over her, looking very fashionable but not very friendly. They stared at her until she said something else.
‘OK, yeah, so I was thinking like maybe I could like buy it?’ she kept smiling. The Barbies didn’t seem to like Marissa. One of them had a little puppy Dalmatian at her feet, which had just noticed the poodles on Marissa’s dress. It instantly jumped up towards her; its front paws on Marissa’s waist. She took a step back, surprised, and the Barbies giggled as she giggled too.
‘OK Spotty if you like her then she can have the car,’ said one of the Barbies (Marissa couldn’t tell which one as they all looked identical, except for the clothes they were wearing). Marissa’s face lit up as she bought the car and skipped immediately into the front seat, putting her bag on the passenger seat. She thought that Spotty was a very boring name for a Dalmatian but was so thankful to the Barbies that she didn’t say anything, though normally loud Marissa would certainly have commented.
The car was in an awful state. It was very dirty, so much that it looked dark blue in colour. Marissa rubbed away some dirt on the bonnet and saw it was a light sky blue colour underneath. It drove okay though, and Marissa was so excited that she left right away, driving whole metres happily listening to a crackling radio station before she had to stop.
She had to stop because the door was closed. Marissa was tall, but not that tall. The handle was about four times her height upwards, and even if she was that tall, it was made of heavy gold metal and Marissa was not strong. Her Daddy had always done all the manual work at home in sunny California. Marissa let out a little moan and parked the car right there, in the middle of the wooden floor, with no sign of anyone about to help her. There wasn’t even anything she could climb up onto to get to the handle.
Marissa sat there for hours, missing her Mummy and Daddy, and dreaming of Emily’s room – the shops, restaurants and spectacular views – where bears and lions and people were friends. Would she be stuck here forever? She angrily spat out her chewing gum, and it landed right on the steering wheel.
‘Oh brother!’ Marissa had had enough. She went to pick it off with her hands, but one end just got stuck to her hand while the other stayed on the steering wheel. Oh what a mess! ‘I knew I should have brought bubblegum!’ she thought. Then suddenly she had the best idea she’d had for a long time – or since deciding to buy the car, at least.
She got out the car, a long thread of chewing gum still joining her hand to the steering wheel, and ran as fast as she could away from car so that it came unstuck. Marissa could run very fast, as she was very fit and healthy, being the captain of the school cheerleading team back in the USA. She ran so hard away from the car that when she chewing gum snapped she fell right on her face and slip across the wooden floor. This didn’t bother her though, as she was too pleased with herself about her plan. She ran to the big door, and began to chew another piece of chewing gum. She spat it out so that it hit the door a little way above her head. She then chewed another piece and spat it onto her hand, and it stuck like superglue. Some distance back, a toy shouted something, but Marissa wasn’t interested. She jumped up so that her clean hand touched the gum on the door, and began climbing slowly up the door, using the gum to keep her stuck. It wasn’t very safe, and it wasn’t very fun – and all Marissa could smell was the sickly mint on her little hands. But she was very light, so chewing gum could hold her.
After what seemed like forever, she reached the door handle. She looked down and squealed – she was so high up above her car! There was no turning back now though – Marissa wasn’t going to stay in the Land of Old Toys for the rest of her life. Now Marissa was at the handle, she realised she hadn’t thought how she was going to pull down on the heavy handle. Eventually she took a fresh strip of gum from her little packet (which was running out now, so she’d have to get this right first time) and wound it round the handle. She then held onto the end and slowly slid down to the floor, which pulled the handle down a tiny amount, before running to her car and sticking the gum to the boot. She got into the driver’s seat, and pushed down on the accelerator pedal as hard as should could, driving away from the door so that the super-strength chewing gum pulled the door open quick enough before the handle went up again. To everyone’s surprise, this ridiculous plan worked, though Marissa was now out of gum. She turned around and drove towards the open door, which let the sun into her eyes from the room next door.
‘See ya later guys! I’m going to the bright lights!’ Marissa waved goodbye to her old life in the Land of Old Toys. Now she just had to find her way to Emily’s room, wherever that was.
Marissa Cooper now found herself on the edge of a huge, bright room with wicker furniture and lots of windows. There were doors opening out onto a huge garden. The only way forward into the house was through what looked like the kitchen. It was very quiet and Marissa thought there must be no one around. She was awfully hungry and having run out of chewing gum decided to park her car and find some food.
‘I wanna a burger!’ she exclaimed to herself, as burgers were her favourite food, though she knew how unhealthy they were. Looking up at the high cupboards and cutting boards, there was no sign of any burgers, or anything in fact, except the fruit bowl. Marissa couldn’t open any more cupboards; especially now she’d run out of gum, as she kept remembering. Anyway, Marissa eyed up the fruit bowl. It was like a tropical paradise of every different colour imaginable – greens, yellows, oranges, red, purple. And as Marissa was only twelve inches tall, the fruit was incredibly big.
There was a gap between the cupboard units on which the fruit sat and the wall, and Marissa headed straight for this gap. She slipped off her purple high-heels off and pushed her feet against the cupboard, and her back against the wall. Then she slowly climbed up this way. This wasn’t too hard for fit and active Marissa Cooper. She got to the top and back flipped right into the middle of a bunch of grapes. To her, each one was like a watermelon, and so she only had one, eating around the pip in the middle. She rolled some down into her car though, before jumping back down to the floor.
So far so good, thought our favourite American girl.
The next door led into a small lounge-type room with yellow couches, an unlit fire, a little television and a small white rocking chair, only big enough for a child. Marissa drove in and stopped in front of it, wondering which direction to take next. Sunshine burst in through the windows in this room, so she put on her sunglasses, which effortlessly matched her dress, shoes and handbag.
Suddenly, a deep, slow and strong sounding voice called out, ‘Yes? What is your problem?’
Marissa jumped, as she had no idea where the voice was coming from. She looked all around her, worried. She didn’t think she had a problem, and did not like the sound of this voice being all nosy and rude about it anyway. Then she heard a tremendous yawn that shook the rocking chair back, and then forwards. Marissa shut her eyes from the shock and for a moment was scared the whole chair was going to fall on top of her, which would certainly end her journey. When it swung back again and eventually settled she was relieved.
That wasn’t the end of her problems though in this room, as staring upwards at the seat of the chair, she saw a grumbling bear slowly come to the edge of it so that it could see her. Marissa was now scared the bear was going to fall on top of her, which also would certainly end her journey, and although it was shorter than her it looked much stronger and better built.
‘Hel-lo’, the bear slowly repeated. He spoke as if he had all time to say every word he was saying, and didn’t want to rush at all. His voice was so deep that it made Marissa’s stomach shake, with the watermelon grape still rolling around inside. The bear looked friendly enough, but very old. His face was drawn with lines and he looked so tired, and Marissa was scared she’d woken him up, and how he would be angry if she had. Marissa wanted to make friends not enemies!
‘I’m so sorry, sir, it’s just I’m j-j-just lost and new and lonely and I want my Mommy!’ A little tear ran down Marissa’s face, and landed on her steering wheel. She kept talking, something she did when she was nervous. ‘I’m new and lonely and I just want to get upstairs to find Emily and some friends and live the American Dream but now I’ve woken you up and you’re so angry and I know you are but I’m so sorry please don’t hurt me…’
‘Marissa,’ growled the bear in a deep voice, and the dolly’s voice faded away. Marissa wondered how this bear knew her name. He must be very clever, or even magic.
‘You told me your name, just now, don’t worry.’ He was definitely magic or something, though Marissa. It was like he had read her mind! ‘I am Wise Teddy, and I am very wise because I sit here watching everyone go past me about their lives. No one ever looks at me but I have learnt a lot from watching them. I can try and help you with any problems.’ This took a long time for Wise Teddy to say, and Marissa was dying to say something.
‘I’m so pleased to meet you Wise Teddy! My name’s Marissa Cooper and I’m lost, could you tell me where I am and where I’m going to and how I get there and things?’ She smiled sweetly, though Wise Teddy didn’t really care. He scrunched up his face and smiled a knowing smile.
‘You are in the Breakfast Room,’ he began, at which Marissa’s stomach seemed to exclaim. However there was no food to be seem anywhere in the room. ‘If you want to find Emily then she’ll be in her room, and to get there you need to go out that door,’ he pointed, ‘and go up the stairs. At the top it’s the door right in front of you. The person in charge is King Cheeky.’
Wow, a king, thought Marissa. There was no ruler in the Land of Old Toys. ‘Thank you so much, I’ll come and visit you when I’m a successful dolly! Do you take tips?’
‘No you don’t have to pay me!’ chuckled Wise Teddy. Marissa was pleased she had managed to make the sombre old teddy smile, as she drove off at top speed towards the staircase, which went up round and round. The stairs were very tall though, and with Marissa sitting in her car she could hardly see over the top of the bottom one. As any clever child will wonder, how do toys climb stairs? Marissa could have used her gymnastic skills to get up in no time, but she didn’t want to leave her new blue convertible behind. Though she wasn’t strong enough to lift it, and besides, that would make her hands all oily. She needed a method to get up the stairs as good as the chewing gum, but didn’t want to bother tired old Wise Teddy again.
So Marissa drove past the stairs into the biggest single room she’d seen all day. It was like the Breakfast Room but bigger, with a bigger fire, a bigger TV, and more couches. Her plan was to park right in the middle of the floor so that Emily or somebody would notice and pick her up and take her upstairs. But who would take Marissa upstairs? Marissa was not a popular toy, and if someone saw her in a Barbie car in the middle of the lounge, they’d take her back to the Land of Old Toys in seconds! That would be absolutely awful. Marissa got out of her car and began to nibble on her sweetie necklace.
Just then another bear came skipping past. He seemed like the opposite of Wise Teddy – he was energetic, tall and happy. He was skipping around in ever-bigger circles as if he hadn’t a care in the world. He was white and wore a red ribbon around his neck, and looked such good fun! Marissa whistled to get his attention, looking to make a new friend while she thought how she was going to get up those stairs with her car. The teddy skipped up to her and stopped a few inches short of her smiling face.
‘I’m White Teddy, or Whitey, to my friends.’ He stuck out a big furry paw for Marissa to shake. She took it, and introduced herself. Immediately Whitey grabbed her other hand and started a round of Ring a Roses. Marissa couldn’t help but laugh at what good fun Whitey was. He must be so popular, one of Emily’s favourites surely!
Suddenly, though, Marissa heard footsteps coming down the wooden floors of the corridor that she’d just driven down. With remarkable quick thinking, she stopped dancing and told Whitey to get in the car, in the drivers seat. She jumped into the passenger seat and whispered into Whitey’s ear.
‘We’re going to trick someone into taking us upstairs. Do you live upstairs?’ Whitey was clearly excited at the sound of a trick. He was something of a mischievous bear, and up for any fun that was happening.
‘No I live wherever Emily leaves me. Sometimes its upstairs. I used to live at the top of the bed!’ Whitey boomed.
‘Shhh! Someone will hear us! But really, the top of the bed?’ Marissa was impressed, as that was where the best of the best toys would sleep, right with Emily. Whitey seemed pleased with himself for sitting in a car with a beautiful girl like Marissa, and wanted to impress her more.
‘I once got left on holiday and was posted back!’ he said. Marissa told him to be quiet again and he did, as there was somebody in the room now. Both toys sat still, Marissa’s fingers crossed that the person would do as she hoped. The person walked right up to the car, the shoes almost kicking a dirty mark into Marissa’s car. Marissa let out a little squeal. The person immediately looked down. Instinctively Marissa grabbed Whitey’s furry paw again for comfort. The person then swooped down like an eagle and grabbed the whole car, and Marissa and Whitey both thought they were going to fall out of the top. They hadn’t had time to put on their seatbelts, you see. The person stopped to read some boring bit of paper beside a lampshade, as American Dolly and White Teddy hung in mid air in a Barbie car. Eventually they were carried at what seemed like a ridiculously fast speed up the stairs and thrown across a big room onto a soft bed. Like a cat, luckily they landed on their feet, or in this case, their wheels.
‘It worked! It worked! We’re here! I think, anyway. Emily’s room!’ Marissa was so excited. Lots of friendly but new toys were staring at her and Whitey, but mostly her, and lots had never seen the car before either. Whitey jumped out of the car and told Marissa he’d show her around. She really liked Whitey and was looking forward to setting up a new home.
The End
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Jeff Mabel stuns Toyland shock
TOYLAND REJOICED LAST NIGHT as Sunnydale Junior School Choir and the Old Folks' Barbershop Quartet joined together to perform a carol concert at the United Reformed Church in Boston.
The leader of the Old Folks was Smallvanian Mayor Jeff Badger. He was dressed smartly as always, in a dinner suit, waistcoat and bowtie. They sung such classic carols as 'The 12 Days of Christmas' with special, altered lyrics, specially arranged by Chinese musician Pi Anne-Oh.
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
(Words by J Badger, arr. P. Anne-Oh)
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve Duckies drumming,
Eleven Playmobile people piping,
Ten Lapinous a-leaping,
Nine Lizzies dancing,
Eight Marissas a-milking,
Seven Spurries a-swimming*,
Six Graham Greybears a-laying,
FIVE GOLD RINGS!
Four Brambles a-brambling,
Three French Corolle dolls,
Two Jellycats,
And an Emily in a pear tree!
*Even though Spurry can't swim because the water would break her voice button.
Sunnydale Juniors were impeccably behaved throughout the show. On one occassion however when Jeff Badger made a joke about a time when he hailed a horse-and-cart when he was a 'young lad', one of the schoolchildren burst out laughing, bringing a smile to everyone's face.
'It was Lizzie!' said Kaitlin Cooper, a choir member.
'It was Kaitlin!' said Lizzie McGuire, another choir member.
The next church service scheduled for the general public is the Toyland Nativity and carols on Christmas Eve.
TE
The leader of the Old Folks was Smallvanian Mayor Jeff Badger. He was dressed smartly as always, in a dinner suit, waistcoat and bowtie. They sung such classic carols as 'The 12 Days of Christmas' with special, altered lyrics, specially arranged by Chinese musician Pi Anne-Oh.
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
(Words by J Badger, arr. P. Anne-Oh)
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve Duckies drumming,
Eleven Playmobile people piping,
Ten Lapinous a-leaping,
Nine Lizzies dancing,
Eight Marissas a-milking,
Seven Spurries a-swimming*,
Six Graham Greybears a-laying,
FIVE GOLD RINGS!
Four Brambles a-brambling,
Three French Corolle dolls,
Two Jellycats,
And an Emily in a pear tree!
*Even though Spurry can't swim because the water would break her voice button.
Sunnydale Juniors were impeccably behaved throughout the show. On one occassion however when Jeff Badger made a joke about a time when he hailed a horse-and-cart when he was a 'young lad', one of the schoolchildren burst out laughing, bringing a smile to everyone's face.
'It was Lizzie!' said Kaitlin Cooper, a choir member.
'It was Kaitlin!' said Lizzie McGuire, another choir member.
The next church service scheduled for the general public is the Toyland Nativity and carols on Christmas Eve.
TE
Friday, December 15, 2006
Pop star and postman romance exclusive!
SMALLVANIA'S most glamorous couple, Nazzy Star and Ryan Atwood, allowed an interview with them and photos of them at home to be published in this week's Hello! magazine, published today.
The magazine, published by The TE Group, which also publishes this newspaper, reveals the domestic bliss in which the pop star and postman currently live. The Toyland Express can now exclusively reveal some of the feature.
Above: The cover of this week's Hello!
NAZZY AND RYAN invite me into their beautiful Georgian dolls house in the heart of the bustling city life of Smallvania, and I am at once stunned at how peaceful it remains inside. I feel so honoured to be allowed to talk to them in this exclusive interview for Hello! readers, where they reveal for the first time exactly what colour their carpets are.
Above: Their beautiful city residence.
Nazzy, real name Nazalia, shot to fame some years ago with her upbeat song 'Into Dust', which found success after being featured on an episode of hit teen toy show Hollytoys. A year after moving to Toyland she met her current boyfriend Ryan Atwood, who works as a postman and is known the toy world over for his rugged good looks, his brown satchel and his unique ability to be the only toy who can stand upright submerged in water.
'Waww it's my party trick!' he explains wittily, as Nazzy gives him an affectionate kiss on the lips.
The house is currently all decorated for Christmas, and the couple introduce me to their house-trained rabbit Snuffles. 'I've always liked animals, so a house-trained rabbit was the obvious pet to get when we moved in together. At times it has been challenging and I've wondered if we could get through, but now Snuffles is housetrained!' A little tear runs down Nazzy's cheek as she remembers these harrowing experiences.
Above: Ryan, Zara and Snuffles beside their magical six inch Christmas tree.
I ask Nazzy if the rumours are true about her relaunching her pop career, which went stale some time ago. The rumours were intensified by her performance of this year's Small Toys in Need charity single. 'Well it's a possibility...' she muses. 'I have been thinking about doing a duet with Hershey Bear... maybe a version of Lionel Richie's "Endless Love"'. Hershey Bear is a Bostonian soul singer.
Nazzy and Ryan then tell me what a normal day in the Dolls House is like. They moved in rather fortuitously, as as Mini Bratz dolls they were the small toys who best fit in all the rooms and were most played with by Emily. Ryan secured a mortgage thanks to his secure job at the Post Office, and money hasn't been a problem thanks to royalties from Nazzy's past hits including 'Bring It All Back (To Toyland)' and 'Wind Beneath My Plastic Wings'.
'Oh we just sit around in our spare time. I like sewing, and Ryan likes swimming and writing poetry,' Nazzy explains. Ryan immediately blushes and denies that he writes poetry, pushing some notepaper hastily underneath their exquisite antique wooden chairs.
Above: Nazzy on a normal day around the house.
Ryan blushes again when on a tour of the house with Nazzy later on, I catch him in the shower! I also meet Natalie, Nazzy's sister who is interested in punk rock and dresses in rebellious short skirts and dark make up. Another Bratz doll, Zara, completes the group of four who live here. From Nairobi, Zara is a friend of Natalie's.
Above: Ryan caught having a shower, apparently with his trousers and trendy trademark trainers still on.
After our meeting the exhausted Bratz curl up in the bedroom for a nap, Ryan sending me home with some post he was ready to deliver to me tomorrow morning. What a utterly fantastic couple of people!
Above, clockwise from left: Nazzy Zara Natalie Ryan
This week's issue of Hello! is available in shops now, priced £1.55.
TE
The magazine, published by The TE Group, which also publishes this newspaper, reveals the domestic bliss in which the pop star and postman currently live. The Toyland Express can now exclusively reveal some of the feature.
Above: The cover of this week's Hello!
NAZZY AND RYAN invite me into their beautiful Georgian dolls house in the heart of the bustling city life of Smallvania, and I am at once stunned at how peaceful it remains inside. I feel so honoured to be allowed to talk to them in this exclusive interview for Hello! readers, where they reveal for the first time exactly what colour their carpets are.
Above: Their beautiful city residence.
Nazzy, real name Nazalia, shot to fame some years ago with her upbeat song 'Into Dust', which found success after being featured on an episode of hit teen toy show Hollytoys. A year after moving to Toyland she met her current boyfriend Ryan Atwood, who works as a postman and is known the toy world over for his rugged good looks, his brown satchel and his unique ability to be the only toy who can stand upright submerged in water.
'Waww it's my party trick!' he explains wittily, as Nazzy gives him an affectionate kiss on the lips.
The house is currently all decorated for Christmas, and the couple introduce me to their house-trained rabbit Snuffles. 'I've always liked animals, so a house-trained rabbit was the obvious pet to get when we moved in together. At times it has been challenging and I've wondered if we could get through, but now Snuffles is housetrained!' A little tear runs down Nazzy's cheek as she remembers these harrowing experiences.
Above: Ryan, Zara and Snuffles beside their magical six inch Christmas tree.
I ask Nazzy if the rumours are true about her relaunching her pop career, which went stale some time ago. The rumours were intensified by her performance of this year's Small Toys in Need charity single. 'Well it's a possibility...' she muses. 'I have been thinking about doing a duet with Hershey Bear... maybe a version of Lionel Richie's "Endless Love"'. Hershey Bear is a Bostonian soul singer.
Nazzy and Ryan then tell me what a normal day in the Dolls House is like. They moved in rather fortuitously, as as Mini Bratz dolls they were the small toys who best fit in all the rooms and were most played with by Emily. Ryan secured a mortgage thanks to his secure job at the Post Office, and money hasn't been a problem thanks to royalties from Nazzy's past hits including 'Bring It All Back (To Toyland)' and 'Wind Beneath My Plastic Wings'.
'Oh we just sit around in our spare time. I like sewing, and Ryan likes swimming and writing poetry,' Nazzy explains. Ryan immediately blushes and denies that he writes poetry, pushing some notepaper hastily underneath their exquisite antique wooden chairs.
Above: Nazzy on a normal day around the house.
Ryan blushes again when on a tour of the house with Nazzy later on, I catch him in the shower! I also meet Natalie, Nazzy's sister who is interested in punk rock and dresses in rebellious short skirts and dark make up. Another Bratz doll, Zara, completes the group of four who live here. From Nairobi, Zara is a friend of Natalie's.
Above: Ryan caught having a shower, apparently with his trousers and trendy trademark trainers still on.
After our meeting the exhausted Bratz curl up in the bedroom for a nap, Ryan sending me home with some post he was ready to deliver to me tomorrow morning. What a utterly fantastic couple of people!
Above, clockwise from left: Nazzy Zara Natalie Ryan
This week's issue of Hello! is available in shops now, priced £1.55.
TE
Monday, December 11, 2006
Toyland's Christmas treehouse!
Marissa took a holiday to the Christmas tree in the lounge today. She is expected to spend a lot of time sitting on the branches relaxing with her little sister Kaitlin and a backpack of food and mince pies.
'I'm going to toast them on the fairy lights!' said a beaming Marissa.
Marissa may be celebrating the recent arrival of many Jellycat toys to Boston, including her new dog Peanut and sister Kaitlin.
Ducky was there as well, promoting DVD copies of his classic film James Pond: Breadfinger, with a soundtrack by Shirley Buttery.
TE
'I'm going to toast them on the fairy lights!' said a beaming Marissa.
Marissa may be celebrating the recent arrival of many Jellycat toys to Boston, including her new dog Peanut and sister Kaitlin.
Ducky was there as well, promoting DVD copies of his classic film James Pond: Breadfinger, with a soundtrack by Shirley Buttery.
TE
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Spurry refuses to play baby Jesus shock!
WHILE SHEPHERDS WATCHED their flocks by night in tea towels, dressed up the annual Toyland Nativity play, suddenly a bright light did appear before them! It was not an angel however but a very angry Spurry, her little red cheeks a firey red!
'I will NOT play the baby Jesus in the Nativity!' said the one inch tall Queen, a toy so small she was formerly a keyring. 'I've had enough of people treating me like a child, nevermind a baby! Just because I'm so small!'
Her anger was met with a collective 'Aaaaaaah!' from the mothers and fathers who had come to see their children perform various Christmas carols at the Smallvania Nursery.
'And I don't like that scary Christmas Carol story either!' she added harshly.
The Queen of Smallvania then went back to her castle to prepare her celebrations for Hanukkah, the Jewish equivalent of Christmas.
Other roles more successfully cast for this year's nativity include King Cheeky as Herod and Marissa Cooper as the Angel Gabriel. Wise Teddy, Jeff Badger and Ducky will be playing the three wise men. The star role however goes to Sabrina Spellman who will be playing Mary.
'It's ridiculous that Sabrina plays Mary.. I would be much better for the part! It's just 'cos she's blonde! They always pick a blonde girl to play Mary!' protested Kaitlin Cooper. Kaitlin is Marissa's little sister, who she bears a remarkable resemblance to. She has been sent to Toyland from San Diego, California to learn how to behave, just like Marissa was some three years ago this Christmas.
'It would be far more realistic to have a girl with brown, yarn hair to play Mary,' added Kaitlin, before sticking her tongue out to our reporters. 'Whatever...' she said as a goodbye.
Kaitlin is fifteen years old.
*The Toyland Theatrical Co would like to announce that auditions are being re-opened for the part of the baby Jesus in the Toyland Nativity.
'I will NOT play the baby Jesus in the Nativity!' said the one inch tall Queen, a toy so small she was formerly a keyring. 'I've had enough of people treating me like a child, nevermind a baby! Just because I'm so small!'
Her anger was met with a collective 'Aaaaaaah!' from the mothers and fathers who had come to see their children perform various Christmas carols at the Smallvania Nursery.
'And I don't like that scary Christmas Carol story either!' she added harshly.
The Queen of Smallvania then went back to her castle to prepare her celebrations for Hanukkah, the Jewish equivalent of Christmas.
Other roles more successfully cast for this year's nativity include King Cheeky as Herod and Marissa Cooper as the Angel Gabriel. Wise Teddy, Jeff Badger and Ducky will be playing the three wise men. The star role however goes to Sabrina Spellman who will be playing Mary.
'It's ridiculous that Sabrina plays Mary.. I would be much better for the part! It's just 'cos she's blonde! They always pick a blonde girl to play Mary!' protested Kaitlin Cooper. Kaitlin is Marissa's little sister, who she bears a remarkable resemblance to. She has been sent to Toyland from San Diego, California to learn how to behave, just like Marissa was some three years ago this Christmas.
'It would be far more realistic to have a girl with brown, yarn hair to play Mary,' added Kaitlin, before sticking her tongue out to our reporters. 'Whatever...' she said as a goodbye.
Kaitlin is fifteen years old.
*The Toyland Theatrical Co would like to announce that auditions are being re-opened for the part of the baby Jesus in the Toyland Nativity.
Monday, December 04, 2006
A Toyland Christmas Carol (Part 2)
Continued...
Bramble walked home, closing his ears to the local nursery children singing Christmas carols around him. He had reluctantly given his clerk, Mr Rufus Dalmation, the day off the next day as it was Christmas - but of course Bramble would have preferred everyone to just work.
He walked through his large, echoing expensive house, without a candle as he did not want to waste money when darkness came for free. He sat by the fire which was barely warm, tiny cinders about to go out. Casting his little hedgehog eyes he suddenly started at an old, antique disused bell on the wall. It had't rung for all the time he'd known it, and Bramble paid it little attention, but as he look at it, it began swining, the chimes, first slowly, then faster, faster, until the whole echoing house was awash with the sound of haunting bells. The bells lasted for scarcely a minute but it seemed like an hour, before stopping as suddenly as they began.
He heard footsteps up the stairs behind him, and tried to ignore them. Footsteps coming closer, closer, until he was forced to turn around. And there stood the icy ghostly figure of Bramley.
Bramble stuttered out a few words, as cold as ever, but frightened too. 'Who are you?' he asked in a deep Birmingham accent. 'And what do you want with me?'
'You know who I am. In life I was your business partner, Burt Bramley.'
'I don't believe you! I don't believe in ghosts!' replied Bramble. 'From the grave? I am just imagining you after my fantastic supper... you are just my imagination playing tricks on me! There is more gravy than grave about you!'. Try as he may, Barry Bramble couldn't cover up the terror he felt in his mean little hedgehog heart.
The ghost uttered a loud, screeching cry, and Bramble gave in. He fell to his knees, his prickles on edge. The ghost of Burt Bramley explained how all the badness he had done in life had made him a wondering spirit after death, forced to roam restlessly until he had paid off his bad deeds. He could offer no comfort to his mean former partner Barry Bramble, the hedgehog he was once so similar to. After some moments, in a deep voice, Bramley's ghost explained why he was present in Bramble's house that Christmas Eve, some seven years after his death.
'You will be visited tonight by three ghosts! Three spirits!' he announced.
In a faltering voice Bramble replied, 'I-I-I'd rather not, to be honest...'
'Without their visits, you will only end up like me! The first will come tomorrow, when the clock strikes one. The second the next night, at the same time. The third will come the next night after that, when the last chime of twelve has struck.'
The ghost of Bramley stepped slowly away, leaving Bramble amazed, and vanished through the closed window. Bramble stumbled to bed and fell asleep on top of the covers, still dressed in his yellow dungarees.
***
Chapter 2.
Bramble woke up some time later, and lay awake sweating, wondering whether it was all a dream or not. He listened to countless hours chime by, until the clock struck a deep, hollow, melancholy One, in the piercing dark of the night. The room suddenly lit up in a flash of light, and appearing immediately in front of his face was a child. A child, of the strangest, radiant quality. Though it was evidently a child, it looked like it had years of wisdom in its brown eyes.
In a squeaky and high pitched voice it announced to him, 'I am the Ghost of Christmas Past. Would you like a blueberry muffin?'
Bramble politely declined, and the Ghost offered out her hand. 'Walk with me.'
It was useless for Bramble to worry about how warm it was in his bed and how it would surely be freezing outside. As the Ghost led him towards the window, Bramble was also concerned that he would fall. Yet in an instant, he found himself led through the wall and into an open country path on Sunshine Avenue, Toyland, the sunshine beaming through the windows, though Bramble was sure just seconds ago he was in the middle of the night.
'But.. but.. this is where I went to school! In Birmingham!'. The sights and smells reminded Bramble instantly of the joy of his youth. He recognised all the passing people - not least all his old school friends. His eyes lit up as all the woodland creatures in their school uniforms holding their brown satchels scampered along, cheering a Merry Christmas to eachother. For once these words actually made Bramble happy, but why? What good had Christmas ever done to him? The schoolchildren all walked past Bramble, not paying him or the Ghost the slightest of attention. They could not be seen in this strange adventure, it seemed, as all the boys and girls passed by on their way home for the holidays.
'The school is not quite empty. There is still one child there, alone, neglected by all his friends.'
Bramble knew it, and it made him sad. They walked to the school, and inside, and down the dreary dusty corridors, past the childrens work on the wall and the empty classrooms, before finding one classroom, where behind row upon row of empty desks, sat one little boy hedgehog reading by the fire. Bramble felt a tear in his eye to see himself as a child. The Ghost tapped in his arm and his spirits were quickly lifted by the sight of all the pantomime characters walking by the windows. Bramble jumped up with laughter naming all of their names. Yet there sat young Barry Bramble.
The Ghost waved its hand thoughtfully and announced, 'Let's look at another Christmas.'
Bramble's former self suddenly grew larger, and the walls of the classroom turned dirtier, and pieces of plaster fell from the ceiling. How this was happening was a mystery to Bramble, and all he knew was it was true. There he sat again, alone in the classroom another Christmas.
The door swung open and another little hedgehog, much younger than Barry, came bounding in and wrapped her arms around the young Bramble. 'Dear, dear brother!' she exclaimed. 'I have come to bring you home!' She clapped her tiny hands and began to laugh. She dragged her brother in childish eagerness out the door. The older Bramble watched his younger self bid farewell to the cruel eyed schoolmaster, Mr Waxcake, and jump into a car outside, which sped off.
'She was a lovely girl with a big heart,' suggested the friendly Ghost.
'She was, she was. And there's no denying that,' replied Bramble sincerely.
(40)
To be continued...
Bramble walked home, closing his ears to the local nursery children singing Christmas carols around him. He had reluctantly given his clerk, Mr Rufus Dalmation, the day off the next day as it was Christmas - but of course Bramble would have preferred everyone to just work.
He walked through his large, echoing expensive house, without a candle as he did not want to waste money when darkness came for free. He sat by the fire which was barely warm, tiny cinders about to go out. Casting his little hedgehog eyes he suddenly started at an old, antique disused bell on the wall. It had't rung for all the time he'd known it, and Bramble paid it little attention, but as he look at it, it began swining, the chimes, first slowly, then faster, faster, until the whole echoing house was awash with the sound of haunting bells. The bells lasted for scarcely a minute but it seemed like an hour, before stopping as suddenly as they began.
He heard footsteps up the stairs behind him, and tried to ignore them. Footsteps coming closer, closer, until he was forced to turn around. And there stood the icy ghostly figure of Bramley.
Bramble stuttered out a few words, as cold as ever, but frightened too. 'Who are you?' he asked in a deep Birmingham accent. 'And what do you want with me?'
'You know who I am. In life I was your business partner, Burt Bramley.'
'I don't believe you! I don't believe in ghosts!' replied Bramble. 'From the grave? I am just imagining you after my fantastic supper... you are just my imagination playing tricks on me! There is more gravy than grave about you!'. Try as he may, Barry Bramble couldn't cover up the terror he felt in his mean little hedgehog heart.
The ghost uttered a loud, screeching cry, and Bramble gave in. He fell to his knees, his prickles on edge. The ghost of Burt Bramley explained how all the badness he had done in life had made him a wondering spirit after death, forced to roam restlessly until he had paid off his bad deeds. He could offer no comfort to his mean former partner Barry Bramble, the hedgehog he was once so similar to. After some moments, in a deep voice, Bramley's ghost explained why he was present in Bramble's house that Christmas Eve, some seven years after his death.
'You will be visited tonight by three ghosts! Three spirits!' he announced.
In a faltering voice Bramble replied, 'I-I-I'd rather not, to be honest...'
'Without their visits, you will only end up like me! The first will come tomorrow, when the clock strikes one. The second the next night, at the same time. The third will come the next night after that, when the last chime of twelve has struck.'
The ghost of Bramley stepped slowly away, leaving Bramble amazed, and vanished through the closed window. Bramble stumbled to bed and fell asleep on top of the covers, still dressed in his yellow dungarees.
***
Chapter 2.
Bramble woke up some time later, and lay awake sweating, wondering whether it was all a dream or not. He listened to countless hours chime by, until the clock struck a deep, hollow, melancholy One, in the piercing dark of the night. The room suddenly lit up in a flash of light, and appearing immediately in front of his face was a child. A child, of the strangest, radiant quality. Though it was evidently a child, it looked like it had years of wisdom in its brown eyes.
In a squeaky and high pitched voice it announced to him, 'I am the Ghost of Christmas Past. Would you like a blueberry muffin?'
Bramble politely declined, and the Ghost offered out her hand. 'Walk with me.'
It was useless for Bramble to worry about how warm it was in his bed and how it would surely be freezing outside. As the Ghost led him towards the window, Bramble was also concerned that he would fall. Yet in an instant, he found himself led through the wall and into an open country path on Sunshine Avenue, Toyland, the sunshine beaming through the windows, though Bramble was sure just seconds ago he was in the middle of the night.
'But.. but.. this is where I went to school! In Birmingham!'. The sights and smells reminded Bramble instantly of the joy of his youth. He recognised all the passing people - not least all his old school friends. His eyes lit up as all the woodland creatures in their school uniforms holding their brown satchels scampered along, cheering a Merry Christmas to eachother. For once these words actually made Bramble happy, but why? What good had Christmas ever done to him? The schoolchildren all walked past Bramble, not paying him or the Ghost the slightest of attention. They could not be seen in this strange adventure, it seemed, as all the boys and girls passed by on their way home for the holidays.
'The school is not quite empty. There is still one child there, alone, neglected by all his friends.'
Bramble knew it, and it made him sad. They walked to the school, and inside, and down the dreary dusty corridors, past the childrens work on the wall and the empty classrooms, before finding one classroom, where behind row upon row of empty desks, sat one little boy hedgehog reading by the fire. Bramble felt a tear in his eye to see himself as a child. The Ghost tapped in his arm and his spirits were quickly lifted by the sight of all the pantomime characters walking by the windows. Bramble jumped up with laughter naming all of their names. Yet there sat young Barry Bramble.
The Ghost waved its hand thoughtfully and announced, 'Let's look at another Christmas.'
Bramble's former self suddenly grew larger, and the walls of the classroom turned dirtier, and pieces of plaster fell from the ceiling. How this was happening was a mystery to Bramble, and all he knew was it was true. There he sat again, alone in the classroom another Christmas.
The door swung open and another little hedgehog, much younger than Barry, came bounding in and wrapped her arms around the young Bramble. 'Dear, dear brother!' she exclaimed. 'I have come to bring you home!' She clapped her tiny hands and began to laugh. She dragged her brother in childish eagerness out the door. The older Bramble watched his younger self bid farewell to the cruel eyed schoolmaster, Mr Waxcake, and jump into a car outside, which sped off.
'She was a lovely girl with a big heart,' suggested the friendly Ghost.
'She was, she was. And there's no denying that,' replied Bramble sincerely.
(40)
To be continued...
Saturday, December 02, 2006
A Toyland Christmas Carol (Part 1)
Chapter 1.
Bramley was dead, dead as a door nail. Barry Bramble knew he was dead, for they had been business partners for I don't know how many years. Bramble, as he was commonly known throughout the blackened winter streets of Smallvania, was the sole mourner at Bramley's funeral. It is very important to note, dear reader, that Bramley, the dark brown hedgehog Sylvanian who wore purple velvet dungarees, was dead. This must be distinctly understood, or else nothing wonderful will come of the story I am about to relate.
Bramble never painted out Bramley's name on the shop sign. There is stood, years afterwards, above the warehouse door: Bramble and Bramley. The firm was known as Bramble and Bramley. Barry Bramble would answer to the name of Mr Bramble only, and didn't care much for his first name, Barry.
External heat and cold had little influence on Bramble. No warmth could warm, no wintry weather chill him. No wind that blew threw the windows of Emily's room through the open streets of Toyland was bitterer than he, no falling cotton wool snow more intent on its purpose. Bramble was uninterested in such things as the falling snow of Christmastime however.
Nobody ever stopped him in the street to say, with happy looks, 'My dear Bramble, how are you? When will you come to see me?', not even the friendliest faces such as Marissa and Ducky. No beggars would ask him to bestow any spare Smallvanian shillings he might have. Even the pets of Toyland seemed to know when they sensed Bramble coming, as they would cower and tug their owners away into doorways. But what did Bramble care? He liked the other toys to keep their distance.
Once upon a time - of all the good days in the year, on Christmas Eve - old Bramble sat busy in his counting-house. It was cold, bleak, biting weather: foggy withal, and he could hear the toys wheezing up and down the streets outside trying their best to keep warm in the cold. The Lego Fairy's clock had only just gone three, but it was quite dark already. It had not been light all day, and even Emily turning on her ceiling light did not seem to help. Candles flared in the windows of neighbouring offices, in between the drooping, dingy darkness.
The door of Bramble's counting-house, where he counted his money and his profits, was open so that he could keep an eye on his clerk, who in a dismal little cell beyond was copying letters. Bramble had a very small fire, but the clerk's was so very much smaller that it looked like one coal. Bramble wouldn't allow the clerk to replenish his fire, as Bramble kept the coal-box in his own room. The clerk was left trying in vain to warm his hands on the candle.
'Waww a merry Christmas to you! God save you!' cried a cheerful voice. It was the voice of Bramble's godson, who had burst in after finishing his duties as postman.
'Bah!' said Bramble. 'Humbug!'
Ryan's face was in a handsome glow, his blue eyes sparkling. 'Christmas a humbug, Barry!' said he. 'You don't mean that I am sure?'
'I do, I'm not even kidding!' said Bramble. 'Merry Christmas! What right have you to be merry? What reason have you to be merry? You're poor enough, on those postman's wages.'
'Waww then,' returned the godson gaily. 'What right have you to be so miserable? You're rich enough.'
Bramble, having no better answer ready on the spur of the moment, said, 'Bah!' again, and followed it up with 'Humbug!'.
'Waww don't be cross, uncle.' said the nephew.
'What else can I be,'when I live in a Toyland full of fools such as this? Merry Christmas! Out upon Merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer? If I could work my will,' said Bramble angrily, 'every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart! He should!'
'Barry!' pleaded Ryan.
'Godson!' returned the businessman, sternly. 'Keep Christmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine. What good has Christmas ever done you?'
'There are many things from which I have derived good, by which I have not profited money, I dare say,' said Ryan. 'Christmas among the rest. Waww I have always thought Christmas time, when it has come around, as a good time; a king, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time, the only time I know if, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by on consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and this of people below them as if they really were fellow men, not another race of creatures. And therefore, Barry, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good, and I say God bless it!'
The clerk in the tank involuntarily applauded his paw hands. Becoming immediately sensible and aware of Bramble's angry look, he poked the fire, and extinguished the last frail spark for ever.
'Don't be angry, Barry!' said the godson. 'Come done with his tomorrow.'
Bramble's temper was rising.
'I want nothign from you; I ask nothing of you, why can't we be friends?'
'Good afternoon,' said Bramble.
'We have never had a single argument, yet I am sorry to find you so resolute! A Merry Christmas, Barry!'
'Good afternoon,' repearted Bramble.
'And a Happy New Year!'
'Good afternoon!' said Bramble one last, emphatic time.
Ryan left the room without an angry word, stopping at the outer door to greet the clerk, who, as cold as he was, was warmer than Bramble, returning his greetings cordially.
Just that moment, the bell on the door rung, and in came bounding a tall girl with hazlenut hair. 'Hello!' she said in a strange accent, it might have been American. 'Do I have the pleasure of addressing Mr Bramley?'
'Mr Bramley has been dead for seven years. Dead seven years ago this very night!'
'I am pleased to meet you then, kind Mr Bramble. At this time of year is it desirable that we make some provision for the poor and the destitute, who suffer lack of basic warmth and homes this Christmas', said the girl.
'A few of us are looking to raise a fund to buy the poor some meat and drink, and means of warmth. We chose this time as Christmas is a time of giving! How much would you like to donate?'
'Nothing!' said Bramble. 'I wish to be left alone. I don't make myself merry at Christmas and I can't afford to make lazy people merry! These people are none of my business!'
(17)
To be continued...
Bramley was dead, dead as a door nail. Barry Bramble knew he was dead, for they had been business partners for I don't know how many years. Bramble, as he was commonly known throughout the blackened winter streets of Smallvania, was the sole mourner at Bramley's funeral. It is very important to note, dear reader, that Bramley, the dark brown hedgehog Sylvanian who wore purple velvet dungarees, was dead. This must be distinctly understood, or else nothing wonderful will come of the story I am about to relate.
Bramble never painted out Bramley's name on the shop sign. There is stood, years afterwards, above the warehouse door: Bramble and Bramley. The firm was known as Bramble and Bramley. Barry Bramble would answer to the name of Mr Bramble only, and didn't care much for his first name, Barry.
External heat and cold had little influence on Bramble. No warmth could warm, no wintry weather chill him. No wind that blew threw the windows of Emily's room through the open streets of Toyland was bitterer than he, no falling cotton wool snow more intent on its purpose. Bramble was uninterested in such things as the falling snow of Christmastime however.
Nobody ever stopped him in the street to say, with happy looks, 'My dear Bramble, how are you? When will you come to see me?', not even the friendliest faces such as Marissa and Ducky. No beggars would ask him to bestow any spare Smallvanian shillings he might have. Even the pets of Toyland seemed to know when they sensed Bramble coming, as they would cower and tug their owners away into doorways. But what did Bramble care? He liked the other toys to keep their distance.
Once upon a time - of all the good days in the year, on Christmas Eve - old Bramble sat busy in his counting-house. It was cold, bleak, biting weather: foggy withal, and he could hear the toys wheezing up and down the streets outside trying their best to keep warm in the cold. The Lego Fairy's clock had only just gone three, but it was quite dark already. It had not been light all day, and even Emily turning on her ceiling light did not seem to help. Candles flared in the windows of neighbouring offices, in between the drooping, dingy darkness.
The door of Bramble's counting-house, where he counted his money and his profits, was open so that he could keep an eye on his clerk, who in a dismal little cell beyond was copying letters. Bramble had a very small fire, but the clerk's was so very much smaller that it looked like one coal. Bramble wouldn't allow the clerk to replenish his fire, as Bramble kept the coal-box in his own room. The clerk was left trying in vain to warm his hands on the candle.
'Waww a merry Christmas to you! God save you!' cried a cheerful voice. It was the voice of Bramble's godson, who had burst in after finishing his duties as postman.
'Bah!' said Bramble. 'Humbug!'
Ryan's face was in a handsome glow, his blue eyes sparkling. 'Christmas a humbug, Barry!' said he. 'You don't mean that I am sure?'
'I do, I'm not even kidding!' said Bramble. 'Merry Christmas! What right have you to be merry? What reason have you to be merry? You're poor enough, on those postman's wages.'
'Waww then,' returned the godson gaily. 'What right have you to be so miserable? You're rich enough.'
Bramble, having no better answer ready on the spur of the moment, said, 'Bah!' again, and followed it up with 'Humbug!'.
'Waww don't be cross, uncle.' said the nephew.
'What else can I be,'when I live in a Toyland full of fools such as this? Merry Christmas! Out upon Merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer? If I could work my will,' said Bramble angrily, 'every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart! He should!'
'Barry!' pleaded Ryan.
'Godson!' returned the businessman, sternly. 'Keep Christmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine. What good has Christmas ever done you?'
'There are many things from which I have derived good, by which I have not profited money, I dare say,' said Ryan. 'Christmas among the rest. Waww I have always thought Christmas time, when it has come around, as a good time; a king, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time, the only time I know if, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by on consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and this of people below them as if they really were fellow men, not another race of creatures. And therefore, Barry, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good, and I say God bless it!'
The clerk in the tank involuntarily applauded his paw hands. Becoming immediately sensible and aware of Bramble's angry look, he poked the fire, and extinguished the last frail spark for ever.
'Don't be angry, Barry!' said the godson. 'Come done with his tomorrow.'
Bramble's temper was rising.
'I want nothign from you; I ask nothing of you, why can't we be friends?'
'Good afternoon,' said Bramble.
'We have never had a single argument, yet I am sorry to find you so resolute! A Merry Christmas, Barry!'
'Good afternoon,' repearted Bramble.
'And a Happy New Year!'
'Good afternoon!' said Bramble one last, emphatic time.
Ryan left the room without an angry word, stopping at the outer door to greet the clerk, who, as cold as he was, was warmer than Bramble, returning his greetings cordially.
Just that moment, the bell on the door rung, and in came bounding a tall girl with hazlenut hair. 'Hello!' she said in a strange accent, it might have been American. 'Do I have the pleasure of addressing Mr Bramley?'
'Mr Bramley has been dead for seven years. Dead seven years ago this very night!'
'I am pleased to meet you then, kind Mr Bramble. At this time of year is it desirable that we make some provision for the poor and the destitute, who suffer lack of basic warmth and homes this Christmas', said the girl.
'A few of us are looking to raise a fund to buy the poor some meat and drink, and means of warmth. We chose this time as Christmas is a time of giving! How much would you like to donate?'
'Nothing!' said Bramble. 'I wish to be left alone. I don't make myself merry at Christmas and I can't afford to make lazy people merry! These people are none of my business!'
(17)
To be continued...
Friday, December 01, 2006
News summary
CHILDREN AND ADULTS alike were opening the first doors of their Advent calendars today, as the first of December was marked with the first Toyland Express article for an entire week.
'Wawww why hasn't there been a new article up for so long?' moaned postman Ryan. The editor of the Toyland Express says it was because things had suddenly got very busy!
This week a lot has been happening in Boston and Smallvania. At the start of the week, Father Christmas himself switched on the Toyland lights in Smallvania Square, watched by a heaving crowd of hundreds of toys. All who attended said it was well worth getting wet from the rain and squashed by the Sylvanians.
One girl who didn't make it was Marissa Cooper, who was having a wart removed from her ankle. 'Aaaaargh! I can't believe I missed the lights being turned on!' she screamed, but was comforted by some of the year 5 children that the person claiming to be Father Christmas was just Barry Bramble in a red suit.
Later on in the week the Lego Fairy rejoiced when Emily's adult front teeth finally became to poke through after ten months without anything in their place. The Lego Fairy is pleased this will end criticism of her friend the Tooth Fairy, who many toys were arguing should just give Emily her baby front teeth back.
'It comes just a little too late for her to fully enjoy my toffee apples, though!' noted local entrepreneur Barry Bramble.
To close the week's big news stories, 8 year old Lizzie McGuire Cooper, the mermaid in Miss Pancake's class, was invested into Brownies. She recited the following oath.
'With the help of God, I promise to do my best:
to help other fellow toys
to make a good turn every day
to do my duty to the King
and to keep the Brownie Law.'
Everyone came to watch Lizzie give her oath, including King Cheeky and even Marissa made it!
TE
'Wawww why hasn't there been a new article up for so long?' moaned postman Ryan. The editor of the Toyland Express says it was because things had suddenly got very busy!
This week a lot has been happening in Boston and Smallvania. At the start of the week, Father Christmas himself switched on the Toyland lights in Smallvania Square, watched by a heaving crowd of hundreds of toys. All who attended said it was well worth getting wet from the rain and squashed by the Sylvanians.
One girl who didn't make it was Marissa Cooper, who was having a wart removed from her ankle. 'Aaaaargh! I can't believe I missed the lights being turned on!' she screamed, but was comforted by some of the year 5 children that the person claiming to be Father Christmas was just Barry Bramble in a red suit.
Later on in the week the Lego Fairy rejoiced when Emily's adult front teeth finally became to poke through after ten months without anything in their place. The Lego Fairy is pleased this will end criticism of her friend the Tooth Fairy, who many toys were arguing should just give Emily her baby front teeth back.
'It comes just a little too late for her to fully enjoy my toffee apples, though!' noted local entrepreneur Barry Bramble.
To close the week's big news stories, 8 year old Lizzie McGuire Cooper, the mermaid in Miss Pancake's class, was invested into Brownies. She recited the following oath.
'With the help of God, I promise to do my best:
to help other fellow toys
to make a good turn every day
to do my duty to the King
and to keep the Brownie Law.'
Everyone came to watch Lizzie give her oath, including King Cheeky and even Marissa made it!
TE
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