The Marissa-Lisa

LOCAL SOCIALITE AND ALL ROUND PARTY GIRL Marissa Cooper was spotted on the Champs-Elysees, Paris, last week where countless artists wanted to paint or draw in chalk this 'gorgeous American girl' (or so she tells us).

'Well, you know, I was just like walking along and everybody wanted to draw me! Lol you know how it is... so um anyway I just kinda decided to let this one randommer draw me. You wouldn't believe it, I said I was from California and he said whereabouts and I said oh, Orange County, and he said "Oh my days I played water polo there once!" and I was like so surprised...' Marissa told the Express at some length.

Critics have said the drawing, while very good, looks more like Marissa when she's nineteen.

'I am nineteen!' said Marissa.


Pictured: Marissa with her portrait.

TE

Claire's trip to Paris

CLAIRE MCKUCHEN, the Texan Jellycat who works as the Toyland Catchphrase Generator, showed off her glamorous lifestyle today after taking a speedy trip to Paris on the Eurostar via the newly opened high speed Toyland Express from St Pancras, London.







'I am so jealous, I just got left in the hotel room,' said Claire's best friend and travel partner, Marissa Cooper.

'So many lemons!' said Sabrina.

TE

News in brief

Jellycat bunch give cotton
ON MONDAY NIGHT THE JELLYCAT BUNCH, Marissa, Sabrina and Claire (the others being too young) donated five grams of cotton each, to help with toys who need operations involving replacement cotton. 'I'm glad I could give this time because last time my fluff levels were too low,' said Marissa.

Team SA defeats England in Rugby Toy Cup
THE SOUTH AFRICAN TOYS RUGBY TEAM easily beat the England team at rugby on Saturday night, taking the toy cup trophy for the second time. The team, captained by Chris and starring King Cheeky, Simba and various others, had many more toys to choose from for their squad compared to the English side which had to rely on Sylvanians.

Spurry revisits Paris
Spurry, the former Queen of Smallvania now working at the Chris and Spurry Steakplace, has left with Emily to Paris for a long weekend today with other toys, names not available at time of print.

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Boston invades Smallvania, King Cheeky pronounced King of Small Toys again after historic battle

IN THE LAST WEEK OF SEPTEMBER THIS YEAR Toyland saw the biggest storyline since Smallvania was created - Smallvania was conquered. The 'land of the small toys' which sit past the end of the bed around the dolls' house was famously proclaimed to be independent from King Cheeky in August 2006, with Chris and Spurry Steakplace becoming leaders. They succeeded in their coup using the 'Three Inches High' club of small toys.

King Cheeky had never been happy with this situation and often complained to Emily that things were much better when he was King of all of Toyland, not just Boston, or the 'land of the big toys'. However fresh from his joy at having his new castle, Kensington Palace, built, Emily decided Cheeky was really good after all and let him set up an army to take Smallvania back. Here The Toyland Express produces exclusive photos from the Battle of Smallvania, where the big toys reunited Toyland under one King. The only injuries were cuts and bruises.


King Cheeky and King Chris, mounted on the Hungry Lion, meet at the border between Boston and Smallvania alongside Wardrobe Way, before the battle commences.






The rivals square up, nose to nose.





Smallvania's cavalry consisted largely of My Little Ponies, who are not famous for their fighting skills. They are said to have spent much of the battle checking their smooth hair and texting eachother.




Lion on Lion in the heat of the battle.



King Cheeky finally overcomes King Chris, telling him to go back and work as a chef in his steak restaurant like he used to.



King Cheeky realises his dream, having taken the castle once and for all. The castle, which was only recently built, was destroyed and removed from Toyland. It is said that in his last days as ruler, King Chris let the area under the bed where his castle and several Smallvanian shops were 'get messier and messier'.

Normality was soon restored with everyone pleased that Toyland is one country again, with Smallvania and Boston just being towns or districts.

'The madness has ended! Hurray I'm king again!' said King Cheeky of Toyland to his kingdom, Queen Nala smiling by his side.

The Chris and Spurry Steakplace now offers takeaways and student discounts on Thursdays.

TE

Toyland Express celebrates first birthday

THE TOYLAND EXPRESS, Toyland's most widely read newspaper, celebrated a year of being online yesterday. The internet version was started on 6th October 2006 and over its first year has published seventy-three posts, averaging just over one post every five days. Marissa Cooper has featured in the most articles, being mentioned in over half of all entries.

This time last year Toyland was worrying about autumn tidy-ups and enjoying conker-collecting records. Since then there have been department store pyjama parties, heelies, losing of gloves, gaining of slippers, many holidays, pancake day, birthdays, guinea pigs and a fair few exclusive videos.

The news today is more concerned with Postman Ryan's postal strike and its implications for Marissa's birthday card to her Mommy in Alaska arriving in time.

Happy Birthday TE!

Boston royal family open new Kensington Palace

BOSTON SAW ITS BIGGEST RENOVATION IN HISTORY this weekend when a new castle was built for King Cheeky, Queen Nala, their family and servants. The castle is the biggest Toyland has ever seen, far bigger than the previous best castle in Toyland, Smallvania Castle. King Cheeky called Sunday, 'the best day in Boston's history'.


Pictured: The new castle, named Kensington Palace after the luxurious palace in London.

The cardboard walls extend almost the full width of Boston, overseeing the whole country, like palaces in Florence, Italy. It is the first residence in Toyland to have real-life working electric lighting, through the bedside lamp, and features realistic flowers for decoration. King Cheeky is said to have been delighted and 'a tad overexcited'. It has long been known how upset he was over losing his original castle and a substantial part of his kingdom (now Smallvania) to Chris and Spurry last August. Boston is very much in favour with Emily at the moment, though, as she was reported to have said last week that 'Boston is better than Smallvania. It always has been.'

Palace insiders say that the King of Boston may even be considering invading Smallvania and regaining what was taken from him. King Chris, his face green with envy, only commented that, 'There was no Toyland Express article when I built my new castle this summer!' That was because the editor was busy, your royal highness.

When asked what she thought of Boston's new palace, one resident gave a big smile and said, 'Oh! It makes me feel so patriotic! And I mean it's like it's not like the royal family can see everything in Boston. Most importantly, they cannot see into my apartment because its directly below! My Daddy also says it will work wonders for local house prices!

'Also my boyfriend got a job as the palace receptionist slash guard!' she added, forgetting to give her name.

The new palace receptionist / guard is White Teddy.

In brief
Broken foot recovering
SMALLVANIA - Queen Spurry is said to be 'recovering well' from her recent foot operation, though blue pen marks are still visible on the injured area. She enjoyed a full trip to the House of Bramble Department Store this morning with her husband, King Chris.

School disco a hit
SUNNYDALE JUNIORS - The school disco was another success, with toys including Kaitlin Cooper and Chico Gonzales dancing until nearly half an hour past their bedtime.

Inside today's print edition: Sixteen pages of exclusive photos and interviews about the new palace! Our columnists predict how it will boost the economy and tourism! Plus - King Cheeky - 'Boston is back in business'

TE

Queen Spurry returns from royal tour of Europe

QUEEN SPURRY OF SMALLVANIA returned from her two week tour of Western Europe on August 28th, having spent the longest period apart from her husband, HRH King Chris, since meeting him in 2005. Her tour covered seven countries in fourteen days, and Smallvania Castle released official pictures today.


First the tiny toy Queen visited Paris, going up the Eiffel Tower, which is around eight thousand times taller than her.


Parisian toys said the South African-born Queen was fearless as she posed for this shot, above, taken from the second floor of the tower.


Spurry also went on a champagne cruise along the river Seine.


She befriended another toy, the Northern English bear George, from Grimsby.



On the royal chariot (the coach). Spurry visited France, Switzerland, Italy, the Vatican, Austria, Germany and Belgium before returning to London.



Spurry visited the centre of the Ancient Roman Empire, seeing the Colosseum. Onlookers said the Queen had a glint in her eye whenever anybody mentioned an Empire. Spurry famously took control of half of Toyland with King Chris, removing King Cheeky from rule of the small toys.



Spurry bought herself a backpack and a little red notebook which also serves as a passport, when she visited an expensive dolls house shop in Germany. She experienced a luxurious tour through very expensive Victorian style German dolls houses.



In Amsterdam, Spurry enjoyed the large quantity of bagels on offer. Spurry is widely known to love bagels, many attributing this to her Jewish faith.




In Bruges, Belgium, Spurry bought this giant chocolate teddy because it reminded her of her 'sweetheart Chris', whom she missed dearly.


It remains to be seen how much Spurry's travels will influence her ruling style.

TE

In pictures: Majorca trip

Marissa and Ducky have shared some of their snaps from their trip to Majorca with the Express. The pair arrived home to Boston yesterday.




Marissa goes for the Baywatch look whilst having a go at being a lifeguard.




Ducky finds his perfect activity.




Marissa relaxes with a fruit juice cocktail.




Marissa shows off giant sandcastle, which was so big that some passing toys threw her some Euros.




Ducky walks past the pool yesterday morning, on his last day.



TE

Sunnydale Junior School Newsletter

Dear Parents

So we come to the end of another busy year. Unfortunately the Sunnydale Sports Day (sponsored by Bramble Enterprises) had to be cancelled due to a record three millimetres of rain falling across Toyland! We will miss the Year 6 pupils but will see them again in Sunnydale High.

Goodbyes
Firstly best of luck to Mrs Shark, a lovely soft shark toy who taught Year 4. She will be replaced by the South African toy lion, Mrs Lioness. Don't be scared though children, she doesn't bite! We wish her well in her new role teaching pupils including Kaitlin Cooper.

Indian Meal in Year 4
The Year 4 toy children were all fed curry and poppadoms from the local Bramblash curry house earlier this month. Thank you to Mrs Strawberry and the cooks for providing a traditional sorbet for dessert. The toys on my table said it was better than getting new clothes from Build-a-Bear, and Chico Gonzalez even went back for seconds!

'I prefer the traditional Spanish dish of paella, of course. ¡Lo me encanta!'

Design a Loo!
For as long as anyone can remember, Sunnydale has been hearing designs for the refurbished girls toilets. In charge of the operation was class councillor Kaitlin Cooper. 'I'm really excited about these new toilets!' exclaimed Kaitlin, aged eight. 'I did other things as class councillor but this was the most important,' she squeaked.

Term at Sunnydale starts again on 4th September.

Miss Pancake

Ducky 'will stand' for Boston mayor

DUCKY MALLARD ANNOUNCED ON HIS WEBSITE this morning that he will stand as a candidate next year to be Mayor of Boston. He said that the chance to be in charge of the mysterious role was an opportunity 'Too wonderful to miss'. He added, 'I'm so exciiiited!'

It has long been known that Ducky has wanted the job, and will take on the current Mayor Winnie the Pooh, who has won the position three successive times since it was created. Winnie the Pooh is also responsible for introducing the congestion charge, charging toys £5 a day to drive around Boston's most traffic-filled streets, under the bed around Sleepy Avenue and the royal palace.

'Ducky is exactly the well-known big-name candidate this city needs,' said King Cheeky, who is officially neutral on his preferred choice. 'People have said that Ducky is just a bumbling idiot who couldn't tell his wings from his beak, but inside that round soft body are two hearts of gold and a very clever brain.'

'Aww thank you Cheeky that's so kind!' replied Ducky. 'I'm going to put the smile back on Boston's face. We are one of the greatest toy cities in the world!'

Ducky is three years old.

News in brief
Postman gets car
Ryan 'excited' about new car to arrive on Friday. 'Waww I'll be able to take Nazzy to the cinema in it, and drive along listening to my favourite band The Postal Service!'

Exclusive cartoon of Ducky released

Ducky relaxes in his comfortable summer clothes.

(c) Cooper Comics Co.

Local girl befriends 'fairy'

THE AUTHOR DOUGLAS ADAMS ONCE SAID 'Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe there are fairies in the bottom of it too?', but one Boston resident has spoken of finding a fairy at the bottom of her new laundry basket today.

'It all started when Emily sewed a lovely box at school,' said Marissa Cooper, 19. 'I decided to use it as a laundry basket but when I opened it up I saw that someone was living inside of it!'

To her flatmates disbelief, Marissa continued her story. 'I saw her with my own eyes. She is very small, smaller than Queen Spurry, with bushy blonde hair and a wooden top of a head.

'She spoke to me and was very friendly. Her name is Beatrice. Beatrice the Box Fairy, because she lives in a box!' she tittered.

The fairy allegedly explained that only people who believe in fairies can see or hear her, and as Marissa was the only one to believe in fairies, only Marissa can see her. Flatmates Claire McKuchen, Chico Gonzalez and little sister Kaitlin Cooper, are said to be worried about their friend and keep suggesting she take a lie down.

In other news
Boston awaits new toy as Emily goes to Build-a-Bear party

Birthday blog

Marissa Cooper: Blog

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY IT'S MY BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEE! Yes I am sorry I'm a l'il bit overexcitable and all but it's my birthday today and I am sweet nineteen! My last year of being a teenager! Even more kool is that I am writing this blog at 12 o'clock noon which is the exact time I was born - in the middle of midsummer's day the longest day of the year in 1988. That means I get a longer birthday than anyone.

Anyways to celebrate there will be fun and games and jelly and ice cream at my house for a barbeque and so on, at 5pm. The following peeps are invited:

Whitey
Claire
Kaitlin
Chico
Ducky
Carly
Peanut
Snowski

I just wanna say thanks for all of my lovely presents! It was so kind of everyone! My favourite present was my healthy new smoothie maker from Sabrina! For once something healthy I can actually enjoy. Although maybe I'll use it to make lovely sugary milkshakes instead! *Titter titter titter!*

Love 'n' hugs

Marissa xxxxxx

Boston unveils more Olympic plans

KING CHEEKY AND HIS OLYMPICS ADVISOR, Canada Jack, unveiled more plans for the 2012 Toyland Olympic Games yesterday. The plans concerned what types of races Cheeky wanted to put on in addition to the normal Olympic sports such as sprinting and the javelin.

Canada Jack explained that the King had requested several new events, including the egg and spoon race, the three-legged race, the sack race, the piggy-back race, the wheelbarrow race, the wheelchair egg and spoon race and finally the three-legged sack egg and spoon piggy back wheelbarrow race, which is a combination of all of Cheeky's other main ideas.

'Its outrageous' said one commentator on hearing the news. 'This is going to make Boston look ridiculous in the eyes of the Toy world. A five-year old could have come up with these events.'

'Actually they were my son Simba's idea,' said Cheeky.

The controversy comes days after complaints to Canada Jack about his new Olympic logo, a jagged purple symbol showing the number 2012.



Pictured: The new Olympic logo

'That logo is straight out of the 1990s, and so will be about 22 years out of date' said another commentator.

Boston won its bid for the 2012 Olympics two years ago, beating its rival candidate city, neighbouring Smallvania. Boston has not hosted the Toyland Olympics since 1948.

Toys fail in Toylandvision Song Contest once again

THE TOYLANDVISION SONG CONTEST saw Smallvania finish bottom and Boston finish second from bottom after the votes were announced last night. Boston's song, 'Flying the Flag' performed by a cheesey pop group of little known group of soft bunny rabbits, won only 29 points.

Bottom of the contest came Smallvania, whose entry from Barbie-lookalike 'I-Girl', titled 'Einschuldigung', which is German for 'Excuse-me'. I-Girl didn't appear to regret choosing to sing in a foreign language, commenting that what was important to her was her song 'reaching the dizzy heights of number 398 in the Toyland singles chart.' I-Girl won just five points in the contest.

The overall winners of the seven-hour long Toylandvision were Grace's Toyland, whose entry 'Down Under' by Sid Knee won 391 points from various Toylands around England.

TE

Ambassador visits guinea pigs

THE STUDENT AMBASSADOR OF BOSTON, Marissa Cooper, made her first official trip in her new job yesterday to visit Emily's guinea pigs.

Unabashed by her recent defeat in the Mayor elections, Marissa was accompanied by King Chris of Smallvania, whom she described as 'a tad nervous about those big guineas!'

Marissa got on well with both of the pets, stroking them and attempting to have a piggy back ride on one of them. She also sent messages of goodwill to Snuffles, an honourary resident of Boston.


Above: Marissa stroking Snuffles, top, with Nibbles below.

Marissa is a student at the University of Sunnydale with a history of political campaigning. Becoming ambassador is her first actual political job.

News in brief
Winnie the Pooh has been declared Mayor of Boston after winning last week's election. He replaces Winnie the Pooh. In Smallvania, Mr P Puddleduck was re-elected.

Election day dawns across Toyland

POLLS OPENED AT SEVEN O'CLOCK THIS MORNING for all areas of Toyland to vote on who will be mayor for the next term of government. Election fever has been mounting for some months, with some three positions being contested.

In Boston, incumbent Winnie the Pooh will be facing another election, and hopes to remain undefeated. 'Hummmm I've been Mayor of Boston for as long as anyone can remember. Bostonians musn't forget all the good things I've done for this country.'

Winnie refused to answer questions about if he was about to resign. In today's election he faces several candidates for his job: longtime rival Ducky Mallard, Conservative party candidate White Teddy, and university student environmental campaigner Marissa Cooper.

Meanwhile, in Smallvania, Mayor and Mayoress Puddleduck will also be seeking re-election. They came to power after Jeff and Mabel Badger stood down. Hoping to win the position off them will be Graham Greybear.

Asked why he should be voted as Mayor, Graham said, 'No-one knows Smallvania as well as me. I am a self-made bear. I used to sleep on the streets, without a home, and I care about hard work and the pursuit of happiness.' Graham's serious tone is likely to lose him the election.

At time of writing a list of candidates for the Mayor position in the Land of Old Toys was unavailable. It is rumoured that Rosie will become Mayoress by default because of no-one else standing.

With Sunnydale and Smallvania schools closed for polling, the Toyland Express urges all toys, big and small, to vote for the candidate which offers the brightest future.

All the election results will be announced in the Express when the votes are counted.

Free classic children's TV with today's Express!

READERS OF THE PRINT VERSION OF today's Sunday Toyland Express will enjoy a free copy of the latest episode of classic Toyland TV series, Ducksville. The programme shows the nail-biting drama and hilarious mishaps that a group of six feathered friends get up to on the stylish West Bank of their lake.

'It's my favourite TV show!' said Ducky, three.

To pick up your free DVD simply buy the print edition of this paper, find the coupons inside, cut them out and take them to the till at your local Bramble Newsagents. If you don't live near a Bramble Newsagents then simply post the coupons to the Express offices in Fleet Street, Toyland, with £6.99 postage and packing. That's all it takes to get your FREE DVD of Ducksville.

For our online readers, here is a sneak preview of an exciting chase scene:



TE

Will guinea pigs threaten Toyland way of life?

International News

EMILY IS NOW OWNER OF TWO female guinea pigs, Snuffles and Nibbles, who arrived in the house as a birthday present on April 21st, the day after Emily turned eight. The news has been greeted with worry and surprise all over Toyland. Some are calling it the biggest Toyland news story of the year.

'I am very pleased to hear that Emily has guinea pigs. Why would I be afraid? They are the same size as me and my family. Slightly smaller in fact. I hope we will get on very well.' said HRH King Cheeky of Boston.

Marissa Cooper spoke for the Jellycats when expressing her excitement on a visit to the pets. 'Oooh! Nibbles is so cute! And Snuffles too!' Marissa did look disappointed that she could not go for a ride on them, however, despite being the perfect size.

Other toys expressed worry about the animals. Most of the concern was centered in Smallvania, where almost all toys are under a quarter of the size of the guinea pigs. 'Eu I don't think this is good news at all. There were not enough new characters this birthday,' HRH King Chris of Smallvania said, referring to the fact that the Smallvania population had only been increased by a vet, whereas Emily's birthday saw several new arrivals in Boston.

'But what is more important is that these guinea pigs threaten the very life of small toys everywhere! They are so big they might eat us up! Emily might let them loose!' Queen Spurry intervened to calm her husband down, reminding him it would have been far worse for Toyland had Emily got a bigger pet, like a dog or an elephant.

'Anyway,' Chris continued after a drink of water. 'I hope Emily doesn't forget about us traditional toys while playing with those guinea pigs!'

Noticing the difference in opinion between the two countries, King Cheeky is rumoured to be considering making Snuffles an honourary citizen of Boston.

Asked for their opinions, Snuffles and Nibbles said, 'Squeak!'

TE

Emily turns eight shock

From yesterday's Express

April 20th 2007

TOYLAND RESIDENTS WERE in shock that Emily is now eight years old, it emerged last night.

King Cheeky of Boston said, 'It seems just yesterday that she was four got me on August 1st!' reminding Boston of his own birthday.

Shawly agreed that 'Emily grows up so fast!'

Other toys claimed to have noticed 'tell tale signs' that Emily's birthday, a national holiday in both Boston and Smallvania, was approaching.

'It is exactly 365 days since she turned seven,' said mathmetician Sabrina Spellman, fresh from her triumph of winning the University Challenge trophy for Sunnydale University.

'And it is EXACTLY a YEAR since I built my department store!' said Barry Bramble.

Ducky ensured he had the last word. 'I've been scheduled in my diary to sing Happy Birthday to Emily today for ages.'

Ducky is three years old today. Also sharing a birthday this April 20th is White Teddy, aged eight. Queen Elizabeth II celebrates her birthday tomorrow.

ADVERTISEMENT
Bramble department store first birthday one day only sale only today must end midnight! 20p off juice with token in print edition.

Ryan and Nazzy engaged to be married

POPSTAR AND CANDY-FLOSS SELLER NAZZY STAR was proposed to by her longtime boyfriend Ryan Atwood, a postman, on top of the Printer's Tray in Smallvania last night. She duly accepted to the cheers of crowds below.



The high-profile couple are expected to marry in a lavish ceremony at an unknown date this summer. Work is rumoured to have already started on Nazzy's wedding dress. The couple's housemates, Natalie and Zara, were said to be 'delighted'.

TE

Toys publish themselves on YouTube

THE 'YOUTUBE GENERATION' HAS engulfed Smallvanians and Bostonians alike, with the release of two films made by toys onto the international video-sharing website.


Jeff Badger, aged fourteen.

The first, twelve-second clip shows former Smallvanian mayor and elderly Sylvanian Jeff Badger walking across an old Toyland street past a horse and cart. The film is undated and is in sketchy black and white, but Jeff, who was known as Master Jeffrey Badger at the time of the film, estimates he was about fourteen. Jeff is now ninety-eight years old, Toyland's oldest resident.



'This is a valuable addition to our knowledge of Toyland's past,' said Sunnydale teacher Miss Pancake to her history class.

The other video made available by toys is a blurry pop video made by the Jellycats of themselves dancing along to the Muppets' famous 'Manamana' tune. It has already received much attention from toys around the globe, and child toys have been heard singing the catchy and repeatitive tune to eachother on the way to school.



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Exclusive to Toyland Express skiing photos

HERE The Toyland Express has the pleasure of showing the photos from Emily's recent skiing holiday which was attended by Wintertime Wonderland Nazzy Star, postman Ryan Atwood, loud American dolly Marissa Cooper and favourite bedtime toy Ducky Mallard.

King Chris recently said the trip showed Toyland's increased 'celebrity culture' and a class divide betwen those who do not go on holiday and the lucky jetsetting few. The 'core four' most popular toys who experience the most luxury lifestyles are the four that went skiing in Belle Plagne, France, said the king, with glowing green eyes. His wife Spurry pointed out he musn't be jealous as neither of them could ski, as they were made sitting down and without bendy legs. Also they went to the last holiday to Cape Town earlier this year.


Here Ducky Mallard relaxes outside in his hat, protecting his sensitive feathers from the hot sunshine. Throughout the week Ducky saw no problem in going into the hotel lounge and outside deck in his slippers, as this photo demonstrates.


Marissa Cooper in the process of making a snowman outside the hotel. She used stones for eyes, nose and mouth. 'Such dirty snow!' notes Ryan.


Marissa sporting her expensive blue Jellycat salopettes and ski jacket.


Ducky also kept in the limelight, becoming rather accustomed to expensive weeks away. Preferring sledging and flying over the mountains as a chair-life carrying his friends to the top of the slopes, Ducky didn't ski. He admired the spectacular views, though.


Marissa taking a well earned break for some pineapple juice after skiing all the way down le Grande Rochette. She notes some of her skiing class were to scared to even try but she 'didn't fall over once!' On this very photo you can see some other skiiers and snowboarders had less luck and did fall over.


'My ski instructor was called Eric,' explained Marissa after touching down at Polly Pocket airport last night. 'He was French but spoke very good English. He may or may not have been related to Lapinou or Monsieur Meow,' she said, referring to Toyland's prominent French chef residents.


Ducky is two years old.

Cooper Comics Co. launch

SHE HAS BEEN A MILLIONAIRESS, political campaigner, protest singer, pop star, actress and a waitress, but now it seems Bostonian socialite Marissa Cooper is turning her attention to an even more exciting occupation - comic book heroin.

The annoucement was made to reporters on the Boston High Street, with the release of the above drawing of Marissa, who is said to be the main character in the comics, which have yet to receive a title. Speculators say that the stories will revolve around Toyland and its colourful characters.

Cooper Comics Co. has been created by Marissa's father, the American business tycoon Mr Cooper. Mr Cooper made his fortune through Californian real estate (building and selling houses) but wants to now try his hand at something new. The artist of the drawing is said not to be anyone from Emily's Toyland.


Above: Marissa's Daddy in California, seen in Toyland through a video link.

Marissa is eighteen years old.

Bratz swimmers still stranded

SMALLVANIA BUILT UP PRESSURE on Emily last night to bring back three Bratz dolls from the bath in the bathroom where they have been stranded since her bath on Tuesday night. The toys, Ryan Atwood, Nazzy Star and Zara Shabalala, are believed to be without food and clothes.

News of the toys being missing arrived when Nazzy's sister, Natalie Star, found they didn't return for dinner after their swim. She told King Chris and Queen Spurry, who have called the incident 'unacceptable and wrong'.

'We, the residents of Smallvania, demand the immediate return of these Bratz dolls from the bathroom,' said Spurry in a statement last night.

Bostonians have noted that Emily seems to have 'forgotten' about the dolls. It is the first time Nazzy and Zara have been into the bathwater for some months. Ryan however is a seasoned swimmer.

Bath toys e-mailed this photo to the Toyland Express.

TE

Top ten toys revealed

INCHES OF ALL PAST ISSUES of the Toyland Express were counted last night to find the ten characters mentioned in the most articles. The results go some way in indicating who are Emily's favourite toys.

The list is part of this newspaper's new layout, where along the left hand side the number of times each character is mentioned can be followed. The results last night put Marissa Cooper as the number one toy, followed by Ducky. King Cheeky of Boston was dismayed to be beaten by King Chris of Smallvania, but pleased to be in the top four.

Popular yet old toys such as Shawly and Whitey failed to reach the top ten, getting two and seven mentions respectively.

The list is exactly evenly divided between Bostonians and Smallvanians, though the two most popular toys both live in Boston. King Cheeky said this morning over his toast and grapefruits that, 'These results clearly show Boston is better than Smallvania.'

Marissa (28)
Ducky (24)
Chris (16)
Cheeky (15)
Spurry (15)
Barry Bramble (12)
Kaitlin (11)
Sabrina (11)
Ryan (10)
Nazzy (8)

Kaitlin was best pleased with her result. 'It's just awesome and like so kewl! I've only been here a few months and I've already been mentioned in eleven articles! Yep take a photo of me cameras, I'm beautiful! Tee hee hee hee hee.'

Kaitlin is eleven years old.

Toys release scrapbooks

TOYS CAMPED OUTSIDE AND QUEUED FOR HOURS last night outside Toyland bookshops when Ducky, Chris and Spurry released their scrapbooks of their trip to Cape Town last month. The Toyland Express now exclusively publishes extracts from the travel books of the year.

Boston's contribution to the world of literature is Ducky's A4-sized multi-coloured book, with some of the pages accidentally stuck together with glue. Handwritten throughout in his best handwriting and with surprisingly few spelling mistakes, it features several steamy pictures of Ducky relaxing by the pool with an unidentified small toy.


Above: Ducky shows off his Hello Kitty pants as his companion tries to hide from the paparazzi, who later snapped the pair going to the beach together.

Ducky notes how he managed to maintain his immaculately white unblemished feathers in the sunshine. 'I always had a bottle of water nearby,' he writes. 'It's good to remain hydrated. Besides what else do you expect a duck to drink?'



Ducky Mallard writes highly of the spectacular views found in Cape Town, showing off a picture of him next to Table Mountain.



He does however also reveal his disappointment that 'there were no ducks wandering around to make friends with, not like San Diego!' Ducky is two years old.

Over in Smallvania, not to be outdone, bookshops have been selling out of a behind-the-scenes royal account of Chris and Spurry's first visit home since arriving in Toyland, written by the King and Queen themselves.


'Like Ducky, we spent a lot of time relaxing by the pool. Obviously Spurry couldn't go in as it would break her electronic voice!' writes Chris.


'We made sure we were always covered in sun tan lotion,' writes seasoned traveller Queen Spurry. 'Being only a few inches tall there was plenty in this bottle for both of us!'

The royal scrapbook, priced at a modest £17.99 from all good Bramble Department Stores, also shows a luxury life of meals out every night, including at the Spur restaurant where Spurry was originally taken into Emily's care.


'Spurry was enjoying her food so much she got it all over her face!' writes Chris.


Chris shows signs of nostalgia in the lengthy account, expected to be nominated for the Smarties Book Prize. 'That night Chris said to me, "Eu remember when we used to have our own restaurant and put barbecue sauce on the tables!" To which I replied that we never used to have that. I always put the sauce on the tables.' writes HRH Spurry.

One character who went to Cape Town but declined to write a book about it was Cheeky. Insiders believe this is because no photographs were taken of him. The Bostonian palace did release one photo though, of the moment a lion was spotted, who turned out to be Nala's brother, Little Lion!


Little Lion, later Duke of Boston, in the wild.

All pictures copyright (C) Express Group Ltd.

Cheeky and Chris vie to be the greenest

THE KINGS OF SMALLVANIA AND BOSTON have been unveiling all week their plans to stop climate change (global warming) by reducing Toyland energy consumption.

The first shot was fired by King Chris, who had already turned heads by changing the direction in which he brushes his fur. After hearing of Emily's finding of tens of ladybirds in the garden, he predicted next summer would be Toyland's 'hottest ever' and behaviour needed to be changed to stop damage to the fragile Smallvanian environment.

Sunshine Avenue in Smallvania records the hottest temperatures, as sunlight heats up passing through the windows. Bostonian scientist Sabrina Spellman calls this the 'greenhouse effect'.

'The Polly Pocket aeroplane will have to be taxed more,' announced Chris, surprising his supporters, as Chris has traditionally reduced taxes. 'That aeroplane is responsible for at least one quarter of Smallvania's carbon emissions.'

The Polly Pockets were enraged at Chris' criticism, despite being known to use environmentally-unfriendly buses, cars and planes to travel the shortest of distances around Toyland. Yesterday, one blonde haired Polly Pocket was seen driving just thirty centimetres to the clothes shop, an unnamed source told the Express.


Toyland is moving on from this Victorian scene of pollution.

Moving east to Boston, King Cheeky pointed out that his citizens had no need for dirty cars and planes, as they were big enough to walk places. For that reason, Boston was 'much healthier'. Cheeky accused Smallvanian businessman Barry Bramble of being the source of all the pollution. 'He keeps building more and more factories and shops. He is the least green hedgehog I have ever seen!'

Marissa Cooper vowed to use her car less as her boyfriend, White Teddy, taught her about the melting of the polar ice caps affecting polar bears like him at the North Pole. Pollution leading to climate change could make polar bears extinct, as the icebergs on which they rest melt away.

Pearl relives ladder terror

SMALLVANIAN DALMATION SCHOOLGIRL PEARL relived her terrifying experience on the Toyland Ladder after leaving hospital last night.

Pearl, aged 8, fell from the string ladder when climbing up to reach the Printer's Tray on Saturday. The ladder was built last year after King Chris excitedly launched his '24 new homes' plan, the ladder linking the Printer's Tray to the rest of Toyland for the first time in history.

Lawyers are already working on Pearl claiming compensation from the Smallvanian government for the safety requirements which were clearly not met. King Cheeky was quick to jump on the bandwagon after the accident.

'This clearly shows that Chris and Spurry are unfit to rule Smallvania. I should be king of all Toyland again!'

Pearl, who landed on the soda machine outside the Bramble Department Store, only suffered minor cuts and grazes, but said it was an 'awful experience' that no toy should have to go through. 'It was like when Emily drops you on the floor, or down the stairs!'.

A spokesman for Smallvania Castle said, 'The incident is being looked into.'

Bramble store pyjama party

HEADS WERE TURNED, or at least those heads which could be turned, last night in Toyland as at midnight a selection of toys decided to go shopping at the Barry Bramble Department Store in their pyjamas just for giggles.

Marissa went in her pink poodle nightie, and Ducky in his dressing gown. Postman Ryan sported a blue dressing gown over his pyjamas, but assured passers by that he was wearing several layers underneath.

'Waww I didn't want to get cold!'

When asked why he was doing such a thing, Prince Simba of Boston replied, 'Well when else am I going to get the chance to sneak out and buy sweets in my pyjamas?'

After Toyland tycoon Barry Bramble opened his store for 24 hours a day during the week, the Toyland Express ran an article listing '65 Things To Do Before You Are Pushed Under the Bed' which placed, at Number 28, 'Take Bramble Department Store trips at all hours.'

A fun time was had by all and Marissa Cooper informed us that the photographs would all be on her Facebook site today.

Pancakes!

FLOUR, EGGS, MILK AND butter were in short supply at the local Costcutter supermarket as toys rushed to make pancakes for Pancake Day.

'It is actually called Shrove Tuesday,' Sunnydale teacher Miss. Pancake told her class this morning, with no idea why mischievous pupil Kaitlin Cooper was giggling so much.

'I always love a good pancake,' the teacher continued, to the uproar of the class.

'Shrove Tuesday came about as the day before Lent began toys wanted to use up all their blah blah blah,' she explained.

Others, however, have found Pancake Day less enjoyable. Boston resident Ducky Mallard was looking extremely worried sitting on the bed today.

'I tossed up a pancake into the air and now its stuck on the ceiling and I can't get it down! It is going to fall onto my head any minute! I'm so worried! That said panckaes share a lot of the ingredients of bread so the prospect of having one fall on my head is at least slightly tasty.'

As our reporter left Boston, a loud splat was heard followed by an embarrassed quack.

Ducky is two years old.

TE

External links
How to make pancakes.

King and Queen visit their homes in South Africa

WORLD NEWS

KING CHRIS of Smallvania is expected to visit his former home in Cape Town today. Exclusive sources told the Express that Emily would escort the teddy to the house where she found him nearly two years ago.

Over six thousand miles away from Toyland, Chris will meet his former owner, Chris, who he is named after. Past biographies of Chris' life have said he was known by the name Jeremy until he was renamed by Emily and her brother.

'It's like a pilgrimage, visiting the places we used to spend so much time in before we moved to Toyland,' texted Queen Spurry to her online blog.

'Weather very hot at last, was very bored of rain!' she added.

Queen Spurry will be hoping that her husband's visit to his home is more successful than her own trip home. On visiting the Spur restaurant in Hout Bay, where Spurry was sold by a person collecting for charity, Spurry was heartbroken to see it had closed down. The royal couple drove to a different Spur but it is rumoured that they didn't enjoy it because there was a bouncy castle just outside the window and every few seconds toys would jump up and see them eating.

'It put me right off,' Spurry complained to a waitress.

After visiting Chris' home, the rulers of Smallvania are expected to go to Pick n Pay to stock up on Nik-Naks and South African Jelly Tots.

Chris is 42 years old.

TE

Cheeky wins jackpot in new casino plans

BOOKMAKERS WERE SURPRISED yesterday to find that King Cheeky has won his bid to be taken to Cape Town with Emily.

He was the outsider, lagging behind the favourite Marissa, to be taken. The odds that he was to be chosen were 100-1.

'He needs to see his home,' commented Emily over the phone last night.

The news was greeted with happy surprise by toys who had feared King Cheeky of Boston had been all but forgotten by Emily. It will lead to the unprecedented position that the kings of both countries in Toyland will be on holiday. Queen Nala is likely to look after Boston, while King Chris and Queen Spurry of Smallvania are rumoured to be leaving Mayor and Mayoress Puddleduck in charge for the two weeks.

Cheeky heard the news whilst announcing he was allowing a miniature casino to be built in Boston. There has been a slot machine toy from Las Vegas on the shelf for some time but the king says he wants to provide lots more games.

'I say yes poker and monopoly and Cluedo with toys betting real money!' said His Royal Highness, promising the casino would provide many new jobs for the country.

The happy approach the Spots family is taking to gambling is to be contrasted with Smallvania, where sales of Doctor Who game cards in the House of Bramble Department Store have slumped. This is because the local school, Sunnydale Juniors, has banned the cards.

'They are dangerous,' said Miss Pancake. 'The children could cut themselves and then the lawyers would be on top of us.'

Emily, Cheeky and other lucky toys leave for Cape Town on Saturday. The Boston casino is scheduled to open later in the year. Doctor Who cards are banned indefinitely.

In other news
Year 3 child 'given Year 6 test' mix-up scandal.

TE

Bratz beat Barbie in plastic doll rivalry

Toyland Express Magazine

BARBIES TRADITIONALLY outnumber Bratz dolls in every category - Emily owned Barbies years before Bratz burst onto the scene following Emily's parents trip to New York in 2004. Barbie has been the favourite of little girls all over the world for some 48 years. Yet over the last few years it has become clear that Barbie is facing some tough competition from the Bratz dolls.

The Bratz have certainly had more success is Toyland than the awkwardly tall Barbies, particularly the Mini Bratz range. Ryan, Nazzy, Natalie and Zara all live in the Dolls House, and a 'baby Bratz' runs a bar in Smallvania.


Bratz steal Barbie's popularity crown (picture posed by models - plastic models)
Picture from Telegraph.co.uk

In contrast the Barbies, all big toys, lie in a blue crate amongst their clothes, a sea of plastic limbs. Emily has long shunned Barbies, with commentators citing the fact Barbie can't stand up on her own and cannot hold things as chief reasons for this. Barbies are also too big to live in any house or shelf in Toyland, and too hard to live on the bed. In the fast paced and overcrowded world of Emily's Toyland there is just no room, it seems, for such dolls.

The big Bratz dolls have suffered the same fate, of course, neglected with the Barbies. The surprise comes with the prominence of the mini Bratz.

Bratz are short, wide-eyed and big-headed dolls, the girls wearing thick eye shadow, and both boys and girls boasting more individual strands of hair than any other toy. Their clothes are exceptionally fashionable and many play musical instruments. Postman Ryan is recognised for his trademark brown satchel.

'We have a passion for fashion,' notes Natalie, reading the box she came in.