SMALLVANIA BUILT UP PRESSURE on Emily last night to bring back three Bratz dolls from the bath in the bathroom where they have been stranded since her bath on Tuesday night. The toys, Ryan Atwood, Nazzy Star and Zara Shabalala, are believed to be without food and clothes.
News of the toys being missing arrived when Nazzy's sister, Natalie Star, found they didn't return for dinner after their swim. She told King Chris and Queen Spurry, who have called the incident 'unacceptable and wrong'.
'We, the residents of Smallvania, demand the immediate return of these Bratz dolls from the bathroom,' said Spurry in a statement last night.
Bostonians have noted that Emily seems to have 'forgotten' about the dolls. It is the first time Nazzy and Zara have been into the bathwater for some months. Ryan however is a seasoned swimmer.
Bath toys e-mailed this photo to the Toyland Express.
TE
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Top ten toys revealed
INCHES OF ALL PAST ISSUES of the Toyland Express were counted last night to find the ten characters mentioned in the most articles. The results go some way in indicating who are Emily's favourite toys.
The list is part of this newspaper's new layout, where along the left hand side the number of times each character is mentioned can be followed. The results last night put Marissa Cooper as the number one toy, followed by Ducky. King Cheeky of Boston was dismayed to be beaten by King Chris of Smallvania, but pleased to be in the top four.
Popular yet old toys such as Shawly and Whitey failed to reach the top ten, getting two and seven mentions respectively.
The list is exactly evenly divided between Bostonians and Smallvanians, though the two most popular toys both live in Boston. King Cheeky said this morning over his toast and grapefruits that, 'These results clearly show Boston is better than Smallvania.'
Marissa (28)
Ducky (24)
Chris (16)
Cheeky (15)
Spurry (15)
Barry Bramble (12)
Kaitlin (11)
Sabrina (11)
Ryan (10)
Nazzy (8)
Kaitlin was best pleased with her result. 'It's just awesome and like so kewl! I've only been here a few months and I've already been mentioned in eleven articles! Yep take a photo of me cameras, I'm beautiful! Tee hee hee hee hee.'
Kaitlin is eleven years old.
The list is part of this newspaper's new layout, where along the left hand side the number of times each character is mentioned can be followed. The results last night put Marissa Cooper as the number one toy, followed by Ducky. King Cheeky of Boston was dismayed to be beaten by King Chris of Smallvania, but pleased to be in the top four.
Popular yet old toys such as Shawly and Whitey failed to reach the top ten, getting two and seven mentions respectively.
The list is exactly evenly divided between Bostonians and Smallvanians, though the two most popular toys both live in Boston. King Cheeky said this morning over his toast and grapefruits that, 'These results clearly show Boston is better than Smallvania.'
Marissa (28)
Ducky (24)
Chris (16)
Cheeky (15)
Spurry (15)
Barry Bramble (12)
Kaitlin (11)
Sabrina (11)
Ryan (10)
Nazzy (8)
Kaitlin was best pleased with her result. 'It's just awesome and like so kewl! I've only been here a few months and I've already been mentioned in eleven articles! Yep take a photo of me cameras, I'm beautiful! Tee hee hee hee hee.'
Kaitlin is eleven years old.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Toys release scrapbooks
TOYS CAMPED OUTSIDE AND QUEUED FOR HOURS last night outside Toyland bookshops when Ducky, Chris and Spurry released their scrapbooks of their trip to Cape Town last month. The Toyland Express now exclusively publishes extracts from the travel books of the year.
Boston's contribution to the world of literature is Ducky's A4-sized multi-coloured book, with some of the pages accidentally stuck together with glue. Handwritten throughout in his best handwriting and with surprisingly few spelling mistakes, it features several steamy pictures of Ducky relaxing by the pool with an unidentified small toy.
Above: Ducky shows off his Hello Kitty pants as his companion tries to hide from the paparazzi, who later snapped the pair going to the beach together.
Ducky notes how he managed to maintain his immaculately white unblemished feathers in the sunshine. 'I always had a bottle of water nearby,' he writes. 'It's good to remain hydrated. Besides what else do you expect a duck to drink?'
Ducky Mallard writes highly of the spectacular views found in Cape Town, showing off a picture of him next to Table Mountain.
He does however also reveal his disappointment that 'there were no ducks wandering around to make friends with, not like San Diego!' Ducky is two years old.
Over in Smallvania, not to be outdone, bookshops have been selling out of a behind-the-scenes royal account of Chris and Spurry's first visit home since arriving in Toyland, written by the King and Queen themselves.
'Like Ducky, we spent a lot of time relaxing by the pool. Obviously Spurry couldn't go in as it would break her electronic voice!' writes Chris.
'We made sure we were always covered in sun tan lotion,' writes seasoned traveller Queen Spurry. 'Being only a few inches tall there was plenty in this bottle for both of us!'
The royal scrapbook, priced at a modest £17.99 from all good Bramble Department Stores, also shows a luxury life of meals out every night, including at the Spur restaurant where Spurry was originally taken into Emily's care.
'Spurry was enjoying her food so much she got it all over her face!' writes Chris.
Chris shows signs of nostalgia in the lengthy account, expected to be nominated for the Smarties Book Prize. 'That night Chris said to me, "Eu remember when we used to have our own restaurant and put barbecue sauce on the tables!" To which I replied that we never used to have that. I always put the sauce on the tables.' writes HRH Spurry.
One character who went to Cape Town but declined to write a book about it was Cheeky. Insiders believe this is because no photographs were taken of him. The Bostonian palace did release one photo though, of the moment a lion was spotted, who turned out to be Nala's brother, Little Lion!
Little Lion, later Duke of Boston, in the wild.
All pictures copyright (C) Express Group Ltd.
Boston's contribution to the world of literature is Ducky's A4-sized multi-coloured book, with some of the pages accidentally stuck together with glue. Handwritten throughout in his best handwriting and with surprisingly few spelling mistakes, it features several steamy pictures of Ducky relaxing by the pool with an unidentified small toy.
Above: Ducky shows off his Hello Kitty pants as his companion tries to hide from the paparazzi, who later snapped the pair going to the beach together.
Ducky notes how he managed to maintain his immaculately white unblemished feathers in the sunshine. 'I always had a bottle of water nearby,' he writes. 'It's good to remain hydrated. Besides what else do you expect a duck to drink?'
Ducky Mallard writes highly of the spectacular views found in Cape Town, showing off a picture of him next to Table Mountain.
He does however also reveal his disappointment that 'there were no ducks wandering around to make friends with, not like San Diego!' Ducky is two years old.
Over in Smallvania, not to be outdone, bookshops have been selling out of a behind-the-scenes royal account of Chris and Spurry's first visit home since arriving in Toyland, written by the King and Queen themselves.
'Like Ducky, we spent a lot of time relaxing by the pool. Obviously Spurry couldn't go in as it would break her electronic voice!' writes Chris.
'We made sure we were always covered in sun tan lotion,' writes seasoned traveller Queen Spurry. 'Being only a few inches tall there was plenty in this bottle for both of us!'
The royal scrapbook, priced at a modest £17.99 from all good Bramble Department Stores, also shows a luxury life of meals out every night, including at the Spur restaurant where Spurry was originally taken into Emily's care.
'Spurry was enjoying her food so much she got it all over her face!' writes Chris.
Chris shows signs of nostalgia in the lengthy account, expected to be nominated for the Smarties Book Prize. 'That night Chris said to me, "Eu remember when we used to have our own restaurant and put barbecue sauce on the tables!" To which I replied that we never used to have that. I always put the sauce on the tables.' writes HRH Spurry.
One character who went to Cape Town but declined to write a book about it was Cheeky. Insiders believe this is because no photographs were taken of him. The Bostonian palace did release one photo though, of the moment a lion was spotted, who turned out to be Nala's brother, Little Lion!
Little Lion, later Duke of Boston, in the wild.
All pictures copyright (C) Express Group Ltd.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Cheeky and Chris vie to be the greenest
THE KINGS OF SMALLVANIA AND BOSTON have been unveiling all week their plans to stop climate change (global warming) by reducing Toyland energy consumption.
The first shot was fired by King Chris, who had already turned heads by changing the direction in which he brushes his fur. After hearing of Emily's finding of tens of ladybirds in the garden, he predicted next summer would be Toyland's 'hottest ever' and behaviour needed to be changed to stop damage to the fragile Smallvanian environment.
Sunshine Avenue in Smallvania records the hottest temperatures, as sunlight heats up passing through the windows. Bostonian scientist Sabrina Spellman calls this the 'greenhouse effect'.
'The Polly Pocket aeroplane will have to be taxed more,' announced Chris, surprising his supporters, as Chris has traditionally reduced taxes. 'That aeroplane is responsible for at least one quarter of Smallvania's carbon emissions.'
The Polly Pockets were enraged at Chris' criticism, despite being known to use environmentally-unfriendly buses, cars and planes to travel the shortest of distances around Toyland. Yesterday, one blonde haired Polly Pocket was seen driving just thirty centimetres to the clothes shop, an unnamed source told the Express.
Toyland is moving on from this Victorian scene of pollution.
Moving east to Boston, King Cheeky pointed out that his citizens had no need for dirty cars and planes, as they were big enough to walk places. For that reason, Boston was 'much healthier'. Cheeky accused Smallvanian businessman Barry Bramble of being the source of all the pollution. 'He keeps building more and more factories and shops. He is the least green hedgehog I have ever seen!'
Marissa Cooper vowed to use her car less as her boyfriend, White Teddy, taught her about the melting of the polar ice caps affecting polar bears like him at the North Pole. Pollution leading to climate change could make polar bears extinct, as the icebergs on which they rest melt away.
The first shot was fired by King Chris, who had already turned heads by changing the direction in which he brushes his fur. After hearing of Emily's finding of tens of ladybirds in the garden, he predicted next summer would be Toyland's 'hottest ever' and behaviour needed to be changed to stop damage to the fragile Smallvanian environment.
Sunshine Avenue in Smallvania records the hottest temperatures, as sunlight heats up passing through the windows. Bostonian scientist Sabrina Spellman calls this the 'greenhouse effect'.
'The Polly Pocket aeroplane will have to be taxed more,' announced Chris, surprising his supporters, as Chris has traditionally reduced taxes. 'That aeroplane is responsible for at least one quarter of Smallvania's carbon emissions.'
The Polly Pockets were enraged at Chris' criticism, despite being known to use environmentally-unfriendly buses, cars and planes to travel the shortest of distances around Toyland. Yesterday, one blonde haired Polly Pocket was seen driving just thirty centimetres to the clothes shop, an unnamed source told the Express.
Toyland is moving on from this Victorian scene of pollution.
Moving east to Boston, King Cheeky pointed out that his citizens had no need for dirty cars and planes, as they were big enough to walk places. For that reason, Boston was 'much healthier'. Cheeky accused Smallvanian businessman Barry Bramble of being the source of all the pollution. 'He keeps building more and more factories and shops. He is the least green hedgehog I have ever seen!'
Marissa Cooper vowed to use her car less as her boyfriend, White Teddy, taught her about the melting of the polar ice caps affecting polar bears like him at the North Pole. Pollution leading to climate change could make polar bears extinct, as the icebergs on which they rest melt away.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Pearl relives ladder terror
SMALLVANIAN DALMATION SCHOOLGIRL PEARL relived her terrifying experience on the Toyland Ladder after leaving hospital last night.
Pearl, aged 8, fell from the string ladder when climbing up to reach the Printer's Tray on Saturday. The ladder was built last year after King Chris excitedly launched his '24 new homes' plan, the ladder linking the Printer's Tray to the rest of Toyland for the first time in history.
Lawyers are already working on Pearl claiming compensation from the Smallvanian government for the safety requirements which were clearly not met. King Cheeky was quick to jump on the bandwagon after the accident.
'This clearly shows that Chris and Spurry are unfit to rule Smallvania. I should be king of all Toyland again!'
Pearl, who landed on the soda machine outside the Bramble Department Store, only suffered minor cuts and grazes, but said it was an 'awful experience' that no toy should have to go through. 'It was like when Emily drops you on the floor, or down the stairs!'.
A spokesman for Smallvania Castle said, 'The incident is being looked into.'
Pearl, aged 8, fell from the string ladder when climbing up to reach the Printer's Tray on Saturday. The ladder was built last year after King Chris excitedly launched his '24 new homes' plan, the ladder linking the Printer's Tray to the rest of Toyland for the first time in history.
Lawyers are already working on Pearl claiming compensation from the Smallvanian government for the safety requirements which were clearly not met. King Cheeky was quick to jump on the bandwagon after the accident.
'This clearly shows that Chris and Spurry are unfit to rule Smallvania. I should be king of all Toyland again!'
Pearl, who landed on the soda machine outside the Bramble Department Store, only suffered minor cuts and grazes, but said it was an 'awful experience' that no toy should have to go through. 'It was like when Emily drops you on the floor, or down the stairs!'.
A spokesman for Smallvania Castle said, 'The incident is being looked into.'
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Bramble store pyjama party
HEADS WERE TURNED, or at least those heads which could be turned, last night in Toyland as at midnight a selection of toys decided to go shopping at the Barry Bramble Department Store in their pyjamas just for giggles.
Marissa went in her pink poodle nightie, and Ducky in his dressing gown. Postman Ryan sported a blue dressing gown over his pyjamas, but assured passers by that he was wearing several layers underneath.
'Waww I didn't want to get cold!'
When asked why he was doing such a thing, Prince Simba of Boston replied, 'Well when else am I going to get the chance to sneak out and buy sweets in my pyjamas?'
After Toyland tycoon Barry Bramble opened his store for 24 hours a day during the week, the Toyland Express ran an article listing '65 Things To Do Before You Are Pushed Under the Bed' which placed, at Number 28, 'Take Bramble Department Store trips at all hours.'
A fun time was had by all and Marissa Cooper informed us that the photographs would all be on her Facebook site today.
Marissa went in her pink poodle nightie, and Ducky in his dressing gown. Postman Ryan sported a blue dressing gown over his pyjamas, but assured passers by that he was wearing several layers underneath.
'Waww I didn't want to get cold!'
When asked why he was doing such a thing, Prince Simba of Boston replied, 'Well when else am I going to get the chance to sneak out and buy sweets in my pyjamas?'
After Toyland tycoon Barry Bramble opened his store for 24 hours a day during the week, the Toyland Express ran an article listing '65 Things To Do Before You Are Pushed Under the Bed' which placed, at Number 28, 'Take Bramble Department Store trips at all hours.'
A fun time was had by all and Marissa Cooper informed us that the photographs would all be on her Facebook site today.
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