THE TOYLAND EXPRESS HAS CALCULATED THE REAL cost of living in Toyland, with King Cheeky denying prices are really rises that much. We calculated the percentage rise since this time last year in the price of the most popular Toyland items for sale in Smallvania square and other shopping destinations. The results show how toys are being forced to spend more and more dirums!
1 loaf of white bread - Price up 75%
1 Cat shaped biscuit from Christopher Appleyard's bakery - Price up 50%
Steak and chips at the C&S Steakplace - Price up 75%
Wooden dolls house toy train - Price up 5%
BBQ milkshake at the C&S Steakplace - Figures unavailable as only recently invented.
Pink dress with poodles on it - Price down 20%
1 copy of the Toyland Express - STILL ONLY 80p!
30 minute tour of Kensington Palace - Figures unavailable as only recently built.
On the one price to fall in our list, 'Excuse me!!!' observed one Jellycat doll who insisted her best dress was very valuable.
'Bread costs 75% more dirums??' exclaimed a shocked Bostonian duck. 'It takes an IQ Olympics champion to understand these prices!'
Ducky is four years old.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Monday, May 05, 2008
Bramble 'Apprentice' Nugget Scandal
LOCAL ENTREPRENEUR BARRY BRAMBLE was at the centre of what commentators called 'Nuggetgate' this weekend.
One of the contestants of his new show, The Brambleprentice, created a scene at the renowned greasy spoon cafe at the Barry Bramble Department Store. On mishearing a customer order, contestant Graham Greybear mistakenly served the customer Onion and Goats Cheese lattice instead of cod and chips, as ordered.
Greybear then proceeded to, after much protest, replace the dish but then charge for both.
'He says he mishead my order,' said the customer, a Mr Jeff Badger, aged 99, a regular at the cafe. 'But how can you mistake cod and chips for onion and goats cheese lattice?' he asked.
'Goats cheese is horrible. We had to eat it during the war when all the cows had to go and fight the Germans. I never have any problem hearing anyone and I am ninety-nine!'
Our reporter asked Badger if he would be returning to his favourite greasy spoon cafe.
'What?' he replied.
Graham Greybear was appearing on The Brambleprentice in a task which required teams to run a real life cafe. His team lost. On the show, broadcast on the Toyland Network on Wednesday night at 8pm, Barry Bramble told Greybear:
'This entire task was an absolute squ**king disaster. I've been in business since I was fourteen and have never treated a customer so badly. And for the record my cafe is not a greasy spoon.'
Greybear responded that in the next challenge he would apply 175% effort.
'I won't hear anymore of it. You're fired!' said Bramble.
Barry Bramble dropped out of school as a teenager and started a business selling used coathangers for twenty pence out of the back of a disused treehouse to fellow schoolchildren. Since then he has built up his empire to include a department store with a toyshop, and a clothing shop, in the centre of Smallvania. He also owns shares in Polly Pocket airways. The winner of The Brambleprentice will win a job with Bramble, stacking shelves for a 'two-figure salary'.
TE
In other news
Lucas shows off swimming skills as L'il Bratz take a dip in Rowlands Gill
One of the contestants of his new show, The Brambleprentice, created a scene at the renowned greasy spoon cafe at the Barry Bramble Department Store. On mishearing a customer order, contestant Graham Greybear mistakenly served the customer Onion and Goats Cheese lattice instead of cod and chips, as ordered.
Greybear then proceeded to, after much protest, replace the dish but then charge for both.
'He says he mishead my order,' said the customer, a Mr Jeff Badger, aged 99, a regular at the cafe. 'But how can you mistake cod and chips for onion and goats cheese lattice?' he asked.
'Goats cheese is horrible. We had to eat it during the war when all the cows had to go and fight the Germans. I never have any problem hearing anyone and I am ninety-nine!'
Our reporter asked Badger if he would be returning to his favourite greasy spoon cafe.
'What?' he replied.
Graham Greybear was appearing on The Brambleprentice in a task which required teams to run a real life cafe. His team lost. On the show, broadcast on the Toyland Network on Wednesday night at 8pm, Barry Bramble told Greybear:
'This entire task was an absolute squ**king disaster. I've been in business since I was fourteen and have never treated a customer so badly. And for the record my cafe is not a greasy spoon.'
Greybear responded that in the next challenge he would apply 175% effort.
'I won't hear anymore of it. You're fired!' said Bramble.
Barry Bramble dropped out of school as a teenager and started a business selling used coathangers for twenty pence out of the back of a disused treehouse to fellow schoolchildren. Since then he has built up his empire to include a department store with a toyshop, and a clothing shop, in the centre of Smallvania. He also owns shares in Polly Pocket airways. The winner of The Brambleprentice will win a job with Bramble, stacking shelves for a 'two-figure salary'.
TE
In other news
Lucas shows off swimming skills as L'il Bratz take a dip in Rowlands Gill
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
