ONE PERSON'S WEEKEND WILL BE MORE than just an hour longer this weekend. Local postman Ryan Atwood has announced that he will be following through with his threat to strike today. The move has caused some political discord in the town hall.
'Waww! My demands for higher pay and a new post bag have not been met!' said Atwood, normally a beloved character of Smallvania.
'I think its just shocking. How are toys supposed to get their mail?' vented Graham Greybear.
Former Mayor of Smallvania P.Puddleduck said current Mayor Lucas should have 'seen this coming.' He told the Express, 'If you look at Smallvania Square today you can see vast inequalities - the giant Barry Bramble Department Store is juxtapposed to piles of homeless Sylvanians. All these things are dwarfed by the Georgian mansion dolls house.'
Puddleduck appeared not to notice this is exactly how it was when he was Mayor. Current Mayor Lucas responded that while Smallvania had its issues, 'the community Smallvania Square is repaired in part, I suppose, by the Sylvanian stables and library. And every year all the toys gather round to watch Emily switch on the Christmas lights. We should be celebrating the fact that we live in a traditional English toy town.'
Nazzy Star, the postman's wife, commented, 'I think Ryan just wants an extra day in bed. Typical lazy boy!'
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Cat burglar strikes again
Pictured: Police photofit
SUNSHINE AVENUE, SMALLVANIA was rocked last night by a spurt of high-profile burglaries. Police are investigating paw prints found at the scenes of the crimes, where several possessions were stolen as toys slept.
The Meow family have been particularly affected by the news. Monsieur Meow, who works at the Bramble Department Store cafe, said he could tell people now viewed him 'with suspicion' just because he is a 'cat'.
'I don't see why the fact I'm a different species makes me more likely to commit a crime. Why do they call the culprit the cat burglar anyway? I find that phrase offensive to cats!'
Allegations of racism aside, all residents of Toyland have been alarmed by the recent news and the fact that the police have yet to make any arrests. Former policeman Elmo said he wondered whether the cat burglar had 'good reason'.
Local freelance illustrator and Lady High Personal Advisor* to the King, Marissa Cooper, 21, said 'I'm worried our house is gonna be burglarised! I'm concerned about potential burglarisations!'
Anyone with any information about the burglaries should contact the police immediately.
*Unconfirmed title.
TE
Inside today's print edition
Ex-convict Sam the Squirrel on where he used to bury his loot in the winter
Phoebe Nightingale enjoys wearing pyjamas all day at local spa
Guinea Pigs go to vet: follow breaking news coverage live at toylandexpress.blogspot.com with real-time analysis and commentary as it happens
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Toyland cinema film reel burns during performance
VISITORS TO THE TOYLAND CINEMA were offered full refunds on Saturday night when the film reel of current movie Super Mario 64 burned into cinders on the most popular film-going night of the week.
Mr Dalmation, who took his family out to see the fantasy adventure movie, said, 'Just before the end, the picture fizzled away and the screen was black. We could smell burning.'
Toyland Cineworld has apologised for the error, saying the projectionist 'wasn't wearing his glasses, and was just fumbling with the buttons. The employee in question has been dismissed.'
Super Mario 64 will be shown again next Saturday, once a new film reel has been produced.
Mr Dalmation, who took his family out to see the fantasy adventure movie, said, 'Just before the end, the picture fizzled away and the screen was black. We could smell burning.'
Toyland Cineworld has apologised for the error, saying the projectionist 'wasn't wearing his glasses, and was just fumbling with the buttons. The employee in question has been dismissed.'
Super Mario 64 will be shown again next Saturday, once a new film reel has been produced.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Sunnydale rocked by teacher controversy
THE PUPILS OF YEAR 6 SUNNYDALE JUNIORS have been rocked by supply teacher controversy this week, it emerged last night.
Pictured: Mr 'David Tennant', supervising Mr Dennis' class.
Despite it being the first week of the term, pupils are being taught by two supply teachers. Timothy the Dog's class is being taught by a 'strict old hag' who lists her interests on Facebook, the social networking site, as 'making children cry'.
According to Californian pupil who asked for her identity not to be disclosed, she has 'a huge French fry on her shoulder.' She added, 'No seriously, we told her in the cafeteria at lunch time but she just made a deep growling noise. I don't like her!'
Things couldn't be more different for the other Year 6 class which is being looked after by David Tennant himself, or at least a striking lookalike. According to pupils, he 'sits at his desk, kicks back and puts his feet on the table, makes a few jokes and lets us call him David Tennant.' At the end of the yesterday's final lesson, at 3.15pm, he gave every pupil a Milky Way and a gold star for their work.
Smallvanian citizen Graham Greybear commented, 'Why is this being reported in a national Toyish newspaper?'
Pictured: Mr 'David Tennant', supervising Mr Dennis' class.
Despite it being the first week of the term, pupils are being taught by two supply teachers. Timothy the Dog's class is being taught by a 'strict old hag' who lists her interests on Facebook, the social networking site, as 'making children cry'.
According to Californian pupil who asked for her identity not to be disclosed, she has 'a huge French fry on her shoulder.' She added, 'No seriously, we told her in the cafeteria at lunch time but she just made a deep growling noise. I don't like her!'
Things couldn't be more different for the other Year 6 class which is being looked after by David Tennant himself, or at least a striking lookalike. According to pupils, he 'sits at his desk, kicks back and puts his feet on the table, makes a few jokes and lets us call him David Tennant.' At the end of the yesterday's final lesson, at 3.15pm, he gave every pupil a Milky Way and a gold star for their work.
Smallvanian citizen Graham Greybear commented, 'Why is this being reported in a national Toyish newspaper?'
Thursday, September 10, 2009
School year starts at Sunnydale, Duckdale and St Trillian's
THE CHILDREN OF TOYLAND squeezed back into their school uniforms this week as the academic year started once again. On Tuesday, pupils returned to Sunnydale Juniors and the Duckdale Academy, while on Friday at midday the pupils of local private school St Trillian's returned from their slightly longer summer break.
'It's a relief to get the young scoundrels back to the classroom,' joked Ducky's Mum, applying a fresh coat of beak-stick. 'My littl'un has been flying up the walls for weeks now.'
Ducky is five years old.
Former mischievous genius Kaitlin Cooper, ten, will now be taught by Timothy the Dog at Sunnydale Juniors. Prince Simba and Princess Carly will return to St Trillian's, where the young prince will complete his final year of primary school. The Land of Old Toys Comprehensive also reopened this week in its troubled neighbourhood.
The summer has been most eventful for Spurry Steakface of Smallvania. She arguably had a more exciting trip to New York City than to Cyprus, where she puportedly just stayed in the drawer.
Pictured: Spurry on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, once the tallest building in the world. Here she is at a height of 1, 050 feet, or six thousand three hundred times her two inch height. No resident of Toyland has ever been up such a high building.
Pictured: Spurry with her feet back on ground level, in the M&Ms store in Times Square, New York, New York.
The countdown to Christmas began approximately four minutes after the start of the new school term, and currently stands at approximately 106 days.
TE
'It's a relief to get the young scoundrels back to the classroom,' joked Ducky's Mum, applying a fresh coat of beak-stick. 'My littl'un has been flying up the walls for weeks now.'
Ducky is five years old.
Former mischievous genius Kaitlin Cooper, ten, will now be taught by Timothy the Dog at Sunnydale Juniors. Prince Simba and Princess Carly will return to St Trillian's, where the young prince will complete his final year of primary school. The Land of Old Toys Comprehensive also reopened this week in its troubled neighbourhood.
The summer has been most eventful for Spurry Steakface of Smallvania. She arguably had a more exciting trip to New York City than to Cyprus, where she puportedly just stayed in the drawer.
Pictured: Spurry on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, once the tallest building in the world. Here she is at a height of 1, 050 feet, or six thousand three hundred times her two inch height. No resident of Toyland has ever been up such a high building.
Pictured: Spurry with her feet back on ground level, in the M&Ms store in Times Square, New York, New York.
The countdown to Christmas began approximately four minutes after the start of the new school term, and currently stands at approximately 106 days.
TE
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Spurry 'still in drawer'
CYPRUS - News received in Toyland yesterday reported that Spurry Steakface, who has accompanied Emily on holiday to Cyprus, has not even been taken out of the drawer she was hastily thrown into in the foriegn land nearly two weeks ago.
The report said nothing of her husband Chris Steakface, 42. The only other toy to go on holiday was oversized bird Ducky Mallard.
The news will come as a comfort to those toys accustomed to going on holiday but who were left behind this time, in particular Marissa Cooper, who has been on every holiday with Emily for around four years.
'Well I was pretty miffed at not being taken and all,' said Cooper, aged 21, 'but if they just get stuck in a smelly drawer then I'm pleased I'm not there!'. Marissa Cooper has had unfortunate experiences with drawers before, including losing her first dog Frankie to one when Emily didn't check it properly before leaving San Diego, California.
The falling figures of toys being taken on holiday by Emily has led to a dramatic rise in the number of toys holidaying locally. The Back Garden Holidays Ltd has reported a 300% increase in its low cost trips.
Winnie the Pooh, the Mayor of Boston, said toys should not feel bad about not going on holiday with Emily. 'Those countries are much too hot for toys made out of warm cotton wool.' Even wearing just a waistcoat, Winnie looked sweltering in the Toyland heat yesterday.
Ducky is five years old.
The report said nothing of her husband Chris Steakface, 42. The only other toy to go on holiday was oversized bird Ducky Mallard.
The news will come as a comfort to those toys accustomed to going on holiday but who were left behind this time, in particular Marissa Cooper, who has been on every holiday with Emily for around four years.
'Well I was pretty miffed at not being taken and all,' said Cooper, aged 21, 'but if they just get stuck in a smelly drawer then I'm pleased I'm not there!'. Marissa Cooper has had unfortunate experiences with drawers before, including losing her first dog Frankie to one when Emily didn't check it properly before leaving San Diego, California.
The falling figures of toys being taken on holiday by Emily has led to a dramatic rise in the number of toys holidaying locally. The Back Garden Holidays Ltd has reported a 300% increase in its low cost trips.
Winnie the Pooh, the Mayor of Boston, said toys should not feel bad about not going on holiday with Emily. 'Those countries are much too hot for toys made out of warm cotton wool.' Even wearing just a waistcoat, Winnie looked sweltering in the Toyland heat yesterday.
Ducky is five years old.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Toyland rocked by underwater summer
THE STREETS OF SMALLVANIA looked more like Dire, Dire Docks this week as the whole of Toyland was awash with seemingly endless rain. This morning Boston was ground pounded with halestones 'the size of dirums', referring to dirums, the Toyland coins.
Hayley Reindeer, who was named after the 'stones after being born during a halestorm, said 'People and woodland creatures sought refuge in my library. The Reading Challenge has benefitted a lot from these halestones. They are the size of a bottle of juice from the juice stand!'
As she said this, howling winds knocked over the juice stand to the shock and awe of onlookers inside the Bramble Department Store.
The recent weather is contrary to what Chris Steakface predicted would be a 'barbeque summer', although customers haven't dwindled in his barbeque restaurant.
Some enjoyed the consequences of the rain, though. 'Lots more ponds for me to swim in,' commented Ducky Mallard. Ducky is five years old.
Hayley Reindeer, who was named after the 'stones after being born during a halestorm, said 'People and woodland creatures sought refuge in my library. The Reading Challenge has benefitted a lot from these halestones. They are the size of a bottle of juice from the juice stand!'
As she said this, howling winds knocked over the juice stand to the shock and awe of onlookers inside the Bramble Department Store.
The recent weather is contrary to what Chris Steakface predicted would be a 'barbeque summer', although customers haven't dwindled in his barbeque restaurant.
Some enjoyed the consequences of the rain, though. 'Lots more ponds for me to swim in,' commented Ducky Mallard. Ducky is five years old.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Marissa's car impounded
EMILY AND KING CHEEKY AUTHORISED the removal and destruction of Marissa Cooper's trademark blue cabriolet on Sunday, after repeated parking regulation violations.
Cooper, who turns 21 later this month, was said to be distressed and resigned as the King's personal adviser, before later rejoining him. She rarely used the car, which at its last MOT only had problems with 'not being driven enough.'
The cabriolet shortly after removal
'Sometimes Claire would drive it to get fish and chips on a Saturday night, just to keep it working properly,' said Marissa, referring to her flatmate Claire McKuchen.
'The car was taking up too much space under the bed and was not being used enough,' said Emily in an official statement on late Sunday evening.
King Cheeky said the car was removed to reduce traffic in Toyland by 90% and to boost his environmental credentials.
Some spectators speculated that the car was removed because Marissa continually forgot or refused to pay parking charges, and that now the plastic car, of the Barbie brand, has now been crushed into a cube.
Marissa Cooper, aged 20. She said she will miss her cube.
The car was best known for enabling Marissa and her Jellycat friends and pets to travel across the garden during summer, the wheels working best on the flat patio surfaces and prone to stalling on gravel stones. It was not an off-road vehicle and always had to be pushed on the grass. Indoors, the car, which was purchased in New York City, often drove Marissa to visit Emily on the computer.
A Facebook campaign has since been mounted for Emily's brother to buy Marissa a new car on a forthcoming trip to New York. It is unknown whether Marissa will use her personal fortune to invest in a new vehicle herself. Barbie Cars Inc, the manufacturer, took the news badly on the stock market and has since filed for bankruptcy.
Marissa received her car for Christmas in 2004.
The crackdown on under-the-bed law breaking has been widely applauded, with several messes of Toyish fly-tipping cleared up, and shanty towns dismantled with their occupants relocated to new homes. Under the bed, previously a ghetto of Boston rarely mentioned by any toys, is now a glistening passage between Wardrobe Way and Sunshine Avenue.
TE
Cooper, who turns 21 later this month, was said to be distressed and resigned as the King's personal adviser, before later rejoining him. She rarely used the car, which at its last MOT only had problems with 'not being driven enough.'
The cabriolet shortly after removal
'Sometimes Claire would drive it to get fish and chips on a Saturday night, just to keep it working properly,' said Marissa, referring to her flatmate Claire McKuchen.
'The car was taking up too much space under the bed and was not being used enough,' said Emily in an official statement on late Sunday evening.
King Cheeky said the car was removed to reduce traffic in Toyland by 90% and to boost his environmental credentials.
Some spectators speculated that the car was removed because Marissa continually forgot or refused to pay parking charges, and that now the plastic car, of the Barbie brand, has now been crushed into a cube.
Marissa Cooper, aged 20. She said she will miss her cube.
The car was best known for enabling Marissa and her Jellycat friends and pets to travel across the garden during summer, the wheels working best on the flat patio surfaces and prone to stalling on gravel stones. It was not an off-road vehicle and always had to be pushed on the grass. Indoors, the car, which was purchased in New York City, often drove Marissa to visit Emily on the computer.
A Facebook campaign has since been mounted for Emily's brother to buy Marissa a new car on a forthcoming trip to New York. It is unknown whether Marissa will use her personal fortune to invest in a new vehicle herself. Barbie Cars Inc, the manufacturer, took the news badly on the stock market and has since filed for bankruptcy.
Marissa received her car for Christmas in 2004.
The crackdown on under-the-bed law breaking has been widely applauded, with several messes of Toyish fly-tipping cleared up, and shanty towns dismantled with their occupants relocated to new homes. Under the bed, previously a ghetto of Boston rarely mentioned by any toys, is now a glistening passage between Wardrobe Way and Sunshine Avenue.
TE
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Nookington's opens!
THE DIGITAL RESIDENTS of Toyland rejoiced this week when Emily managed to get Nookington's department store on her Animal Crossing game.
The development comes after years of gradually building up the shop on the popular Nintendo game.
Asked to comment, the Animal Crossing characters spoke rapidly in incomprehensible noises, as subtitles appeared at the bottom of the screen.
'Hello, Nookington's is open! Press A to continue', said one local woodland creature.
Barry Bramble, owner of the Smallvanian House of Bramble Department Store, said he didn't see Nookington's as competition. 'It isn't real!' he said. 'Sir Barry's search for his apprentice... continues!'. It is unclear what Mr Bramble meant by this last comment.
Also in today's Express
Mayor Puddleduck claimed 'duck house' as expenses during time as Mayor - exclusive.
Emily sends first forward e-mail
Hacker allegedly on MSN Messenger, toys with laptops warned
TE
The development comes after years of gradually building up the shop on the popular Nintendo game.
Asked to comment, the Animal Crossing characters spoke rapidly in incomprehensible noises, as subtitles appeared at the bottom of the screen.
'Hello, Nookington's is open! Press A to continue', said one local woodland creature.
Barry Bramble, owner of the Smallvanian House of Bramble Department Store, said he didn't see Nookington's as competition. 'It isn't real!' he said. 'Sir Barry's search for his apprentice... continues!'. It is unclear what Mr Bramble meant by this last comment.
Also in today's Express
Mayor Puddleduck claimed 'duck house' as expenses during time as Mayor - exclusive.
Emily sends first forward e-mail
Hacker allegedly on MSN Messenger, toys with laptops warned
TE
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Sunshine engulfs bank holiday weekend
TOYLAND LUXURIATED in sunshine over the public holiday on Monday celebrating Emily's 10th birthday. Several characters marked the anniversary of their first arrivals in the country, such as Christopher Appleyard and Barry Bramble, who also marked the third birthday of his department store. Snuffles, the honorary resident of Boston, and her sister Nibbles, celebrated two years since becoming well known Toyish faces.
Mayor Lucas Gabriel remembered the day he cruised in with Mazzy Star a year ago, since having shot to stardom as a statesman.
Ducky Mallard celebrated her fifth birthday, and in the excitement was heard singing happy birthday to herself, as well as chanting her name in a very loud voice. She received a gift voucher to the boutique Build-a-Bear designer clothes store from Emily.
The birthday was not without its problems though, as Bostonian and Smallvanian leaders alike were quick to point out.
'Emily only got one toy, a Pixelchick sort of thing,' observed King Cheeky. 'But I suppose that's alright I mean Toyland is so crowded these days, there's barely any more room for a single Sylvanian!'
White Teddy enjoyed his tenth birthday with his girlfriend Marissa Cooper.
Ducky is five years old.
Related articles
Emily turns eight shock
Special report (April 2008)
Mayor Lucas Gabriel remembered the day he cruised in with Mazzy Star a year ago, since having shot to stardom as a statesman.
Ducky Mallard celebrated her fifth birthday, and in the excitement was heard singing happy birthday to herself, as well as chanting her name in a very loud voice. She received a gift voucher to the boutique Build-a-Bear designer clothes store from Emily.
The birthday was not without its problems though, as Bostonian and Smallvanian leaders alike were quick to point out.
'Emily only got one toy, a Pixelchick sort of thing,' observed King Cheeky. 'But I suppose that's alright I mean Toyland is so crowded these days, there's barely any more room for a single Sylvanian!'
White Teddy enjoyed his tenth birthday with his girlfriend Marissa Cooper.
Ducky is five years old.
Related articles
Emily turns eight shock
Special report (April 2008)
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Toyland plunged into 48 hour darkness
TOYLAND HAS BEEN UNDER NIGHT CONDITIONS SINCE TUESDAY AFTERNOON, the curtains not having been opened for forty-eight hours now. Street lamps have been lit for entire days and bumps in the dark are up 90%, an independent think tank reported.
It is thought that Emily's trip to her Granny's house is the cause, although some toys have other theories. L'il Whitey, of the Toyland division of the People & Planet environmental pressure group, said this was further evidence of climate change.
Former mayor P.Puddleduck, who lost last November's mayoral election, blamed his successor Lucas Gabriel, though it is not known why.
Some services have been disrupted, Ryan Atwood, the local postman, not getting out of bed until 3pm yesterday. 'I thought it was still nighttime!' he said.
'That boy is just so lazy!' said his wife, Nazzy Star.
King Cheeky assures toys that the curtains will be opened at about 5pm today.
TE
It is thought that Emily's trip to her Granny's house is the cause, although some toys have other theories. L'il Whitey, of the Toyland division of the People & Planet environmental pressure group, said this was further evidence of climate change.
Former mayor P.Puddleduck, who lost last November's mayoral election, blamed his successor Lucas Gabriel, though it is not known why.
Some services have been disrupted, Ryan Atwood, the local postman, not getting out of bed until 3pm yesterday. 'I thought it was still nighttime!' he said.
'That boy is just so lazy!' said his wife, Nazzy Star.
King Cheeky assures toys that the curtains will be opened at about 5pm today.
TE
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Lego bank goes bust
TOYLAND WAS IN SHOCK LAST WEEK when the entire of Lego City, and with it the Lego bank, was dismantled and taken away by Emily. Only one Lego character, Peter Wizard, remains.
The small settlement next to the dolls house was a banking powerhouse, being the only place to produce actual Dirham coins (Lego money) at the central bank. Early reports suggest the bank, which provided most of the Lego jobs, was at the centre of the meltdown.
'They just kept on producing gold Lego coins and lending money to whoever walked in the little red door,' explains the Express economics correspondent Canada Jack.
'How else do we explain a postman Bratz doll and a candyfloss seller owning a huge Georgian dolls house mansion? Or a hedgehog building an entire department store overnight? The Lego bank lent out this money and now people can't pay it back. It's better to just keep your money in the piggy bank now!'
A spokesman for the Piggy Bank welcomed this news and said they offered very competitive interest rates.
Lego City also had a small pizzeria which has been destroyed, reducing competition to the nearby Chris and Spurry Steakplace, but also reducing customers, as Lego people were among the only toys to actually fit into the restaurant, which is a converted CD rack.
King Cheeky said that Kensington Palace would now be printing all the money and that toys needn't worry.
Mayor Lucas of Smallvania sounded a more worried tone at a press conference on the steps of the Dolls' House.
'In under two weeks, Emily will be turning ten. This week we have seen a great part of Smallvanian culture brutally torn down by our owner. Toys will be worrying if this is the beginning of the end. I want to assure all toys that I am doing all I can to ensure Emily's birthday list is filled with toys that provide new storylines and hours of playtime in Smallvania and Boston.
'To those toys who say it's too late, we say we have hope. To those who say we can't do anything about the demise of Smallvania, we say, Yes We Can.'
TE
The small settlement next to the dolls house was a banking powerhouse, being the only place to produce actual Dirham coins (Lego money) at the central bank. Early reports suggest the bank, which provided most of the Lego jobs, was at the centre of the meltdown.
'They just kept on producing gold Lego coins and lending money to whoever walked in the little red door,' explains the Express economics correspondent Canada Jack.
'How else do we explain a postman Bratz doll and a candyfloss seller owning a huge Georgian dolls house mansion? Or a hedgehog building an entire department store overnight? The Lego bank lent out this money and now people can't pay it back. It's better to just keep your money in the piggy bank now!'
A spokesman for the Piggy Bank welcomed this news and said they offered very competitive interest rates.
Lego City also had a small pizzeria which has been destroyed, reducing competition to the nearby Chris and Spurry Steakplace, but also reducing customers, as Lego people were among the only toys to actually fit into the restaurant, which is a converted CD rack.
King Cheeky said that Kensington Palace would now be printing all the money and that toys needn't worry.
Mayor Lucas of Smallvania sounded a more worried tone at a press conference on the steps of the Dolls' House.
'In under two weeks, Emily will be turning ten. This week we have seen a great part of Smallvanian culture brutally torn down by our owner. Toys will be worrying if this is the beginning of the end. I want to assure all toys that I am doing all I can to ensure Emily's birthday list is filled with toys that provide new storylines and hours of playtime in Smallvania and Boston.
'To those toys who say it's too late, we say we have hope. To those who say we can't do anything about the demise of Smallvania, we say, Yes We Can.'
TE
Monday, March 09, 2009
Toys on Raven: Part 1
SEVEN TOYS HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO STAR IN A NEW SERIES OF 'RAVEN', the fantasy game show based on the hit Children's BBC version.
'Eu, it's called CBBC now, not Children's BBC. It's not 1996 anymore,' commented the host, Chris Steakface, who will be playing Raven. He did not comment whether he would be attempting a Scottish accent to impersonate the original, or soldier through with his distinctive South African tones.
'People find my accent hard to understand sometimes, but that will be the least difficult thing on the programme. Contestants will face a variety of gruelling challenges, like swinging through the forest ON SNAKES above a pit of SHARP KNITTING NEEDLES with a GIGANTIC DOG CHASING THEM.' said Steakface, aged 42.
The contestants have been named as Ducky Mallard, Marissa Cooper, Liz Bramble, Ryan Atwood, Simba Spots and White Teddy. They will start a quest of a variety of challenges with one player being eliminated each week.
Ducky is only four years old (but nearly five).
Commented the new Raven, 'Let the challenge........... begin!'
In other news
Sunnydale Infants stripped of 'Schools Challenge' trophy after it emerges one of the contestants was 99 year old Jeff Badger in disguise
Friday, March 06, 2009
Baby Rose is one
BABY ROSE ATWOOD, daughter of Nazzy and Ryan, turned one on Monday, 2nd March.
'She doesn't seem to have grown much,' commented Zara, to austere looks from her housemates.
Related
New baby
'She doesn't seem to have grown much,' commented Zara, to austere looks from her housemates.
Related
New baby
Thursday, February 26, 2009
It's Friday! Movies.
MY LITTLE PONY: Pony Princess Evil
****
Read the review in today's print edition.
****
Read the review in today's print edition.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Lucas visits Boston
LUCAS GABRIEL took his first trip as Mayor outside of Smallvania today, to meet with his Bostonian counterpart Winnie the Pooh, the Mayor of Boston.
At a photocall on the end of Emily's bed, Lucas pledged the two parts of Toyland would 'work together.'
'The two ends of Toyland have, should, and will always work together. Emily sleeps in Boston, but she has to cross Smallvania to leave to go to school. We both share one bedroom light. On security issues, a global response is needed. When a wasp or a fly gets in through the window, us small toys need help from big toys. When a big toy has dropped something down the back of shelf close, it is the people of Smallvania who will lend a hand.'
Lucas is expected to be popular with toys worldwide because of his peculiar heritage. He is a miniature version of a Bratz doll, typically a big toy. His Spanish ancestry and American twang relates him to the Jellycats. Engraved on the back of his head is the distinctive line 'Made in China', making him a truly international mayor.
Before running for mayor, he documented his vision of Smallvania and Boston overcoming past differences in his political work, 'The Plasticity of Hope', speaking of his enjoyment of working as a plastic toy.
'I'm worried he's overshadowing me... I'm still in charge!' commented King Cheeky, via satellite link from Toyland.
In other news
Toys sweep Bratz ice rink for half term
Mayor Lucas pledges million-dirum bailout for troubled Bramble store - in depth analysis in Business section
At a photocall on the end of Emily's bed, Lucas pledged the two parts of Toyland would 'work together.'
'The two ends of Toyland have, should, and will always work together. Emily sleeps in Boston, but she has to cross Smallvania to leave to go to school. We both share one bedroom light. On security issues, a global response is needed. When a wasp or a fly gets in through the window, us small toys need help from big toys. When a big toy has dropped something down the back of shelf close, it is the people of Smallvania who will lend a hand.'
Lucas is expected to be popular with toys worldwide because of his peculiar heritage. He is a miniature version of a Bratz doll, typically a big toy. His Spanish ancestry and American twang relates him to the Jellycats. Engraved on the back of his head is the distinctive line 'Made in China', making him a truly international mayor.
Before running for mayor, he documented his vision of Smallvania and Boston overcoming past differences in his political work, 'The Plasticity of Hope', speaking of his enjoyment of working as a plastic toy.
'I'm worried he's overshadowing me... I'm still in charge!' commented King Cheeky, via satellite link from Toyland.
In other news
Toys sweep Bratz ice rink for half term
Mayor Lucas pledges million-dirum bailout for troubled Bramble store - in depth analysis in Business section
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Cupid's arrow hits Toyland
THE TOYLAND EXPRESS caught up with some toys in across Toyland today and asked them, 'What are you doing this St Valentine's Day?'
'Waww well I've bought my lovely wife some roses and a necklace with an ice-skate pendant! I love her so much.' - Ryan, Smallvania
'I got my lovely Chris a cookery book - 101 things to do with steak! I hope he gets me something good! Or else he'll be in big trouble!' - Spurry, Smallvania (via e-mail)
'I'm not sure if I have a boyfriend in the storylines? Is it Hershey? Or Dr Flixy?' - Sabrina, Boston
'Crikey, in Oldsville, Valentine's Day has been declared National Day of Love for the Prime Minister' - Prime Minister Nizz, Land of Old Toys
'I am taking my bossy (cough) beautiful wife up to Table Mountain here in Cape Town at sunset where we will have a candlelit dinner of prawns and oysters. But don't tell her yet!' - Chris, Smallvania (via text)
'Rar rar rar rar rar well I'm in Cape Town too with Emily but my quiet wife is at home in Boston, so I've sent her some flowers to be delivered by Ryan.' HRH King Cheeky
'Seeing all these chocolates so nicely wrapped being presented to people makes me so hungry' - The Hungry Lion, Land of Old Toys
'Y'alright? I'm not alright I miss my Marissa she has gone to Cape Town too!' - Whitey, Boston
'I think we all need to see Valentine's Day as a day for overcoming differences, between all Smallvanians and Bostonians. The cross-border love shown by everyday citizens is nothing short of inspiring. To those who insist a toy cannot celebrate Valentine's Day when Emily isn't here, I say: Yes We Can!' Mayor Lucas, Smallvania, (to cheering)
'I'm all alone on Valentine's Day, as usual. Pasta sauce for one at the Bramble Supermarket. Sigh.' - Graham, Smallvania
What did you do this Valentine's Day? Text in on 88188* (Texts cost 2 Dirums in addition to usual rate, please ask billpayer's permission first)
TE
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Smallvania swept by snow
SMALLVANIA AND LARGE PARTS OF BOSTON have experienced considerable snowfall overnight, following the Land of Old Toys experiencing those conditions a few days ago. Toys are advised to make only necessary travel and toys with batteries to take extra care.
School closures
The following schools will be closed today:
Sunnydale Infants and Juniors
Sunnydale High
Duckdale Academy
Land of Old Toys Comprehensive
Smallvania C of E School
The following schools will be open as usual:
St Trillian's School for Girls
St Trillian's School for Boys
In other news
Wintertime Wonderland Bratz 'especially happy' about weather
Ducky Mallard: When the pond is frozen over, where do all the ducks go?
Related
Toys surprised by snow
Cotton Wool snow season starts
School closures
The following schools will be closed today:
Sunnydale Infants and Juniors
Sunnydale High
Duckdale Academy
Land of Old Toys Comprehensive
Smallvania C of E School
The following schools will be open as usual:
St Trillian's School for Girls
St Trillian's School for Boys
In other news
Wintertime Wonderland Bratz 'especially happy' about weather
Ducky Mallard: When the pond is frozen over, where do all the ducks go?
Related
Toys surprised by snow
Cotton Wool snow season starts
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Mayor Lucas Gabriel sworn in
AT PRECISELY SCHOOL HOME-TIME TODAY, the first Bratz Mayor of Smallvania was sworn into office. Giving his inauguration speech in the icy cold weather (the heating wasn't on), Mayor Lucas Gabriel vowed to usher in a 'new kind of Toyland.'
King Cheekius I handed over the ceremonial mayoral medal from P.Puddleduck to Gabriel and wished him good luck, in front of cheering crowds of hundreds of toys, with an estimated six billion more worldwide watching on television or online.
After thanking P.Puddleduck for his time as Mayor, Lucas Gabriel said Smallvania had many challenges to face, such as financial problems for the Bramble Department Store, the cornerstone of the Smallvanian economy, and erratic weather such as the unexplained cold snap in the week of December 27th - January 4th.
'We are a young city,' he said, 'But we have achieved so much. Only a few years ago Toyland was just a pile of blankets and soft toys. The pavement where toys stand today and call Smallvania was an empty walkway for hoovers and a musical dressing table. Look at how far we've come.'
'God bless Toyland, and God bless Smallvania!' he ended emphatically, to thunderous applause.
Busy
While food outlets and cafés in Smallvania were running at full capacity today, crowds stretched back into Boston park, where most shops were closed. Inbound motorway traffic was blocked for the duration of the ceremony, security organisers hoping for the best but planning for the worst - Tuesday being the regular time for a devasting Hurricane Julie.
Historic
The inauguration of Lucas Gabriel is a historic moment for a city that, despite being the most populated and wealthy part of Toyland, has faced its fair share of political conflict. In 2006, Chris and Spurry Steakface lead a coup to seize power away from King Cheeky, who at the time had a castle there.
In its time as part of Toyland, successive mayors have all been male woodland creature Sylvanians (Jeff Badger, P.Puddleduck). Bratz represent less than ten percent of the Smallvania population, and many in the crowd today thought they'd never see a Bratz leader of their city.
'To see a Bratz man take the second most powerful job in Toyland, after King Cheeky, brings a tear to my eye,' smiled Zara, a Bratz housemate of the new mayor.
Making his success even more improbable, Lucas is a second-hand toy from e-Bay. 'It just goes to show that with confidence, values and determination, any toy can get anywhere he or she wants in this great Toyland of ours,' Mayor Lucas noted in his speech.
Journey
Mayor Lucas' taking office marks the end of a long journey that started as far back as April 2008, when the half-Mexican Spanish American burst into Toyland in a yellow cadillac on Emily's ninth birthday. He quickly won the hearts and minds of influential toys around Smallvania, Boston and even the Land of Old Toys.
In November he won a landslide election against the incumbent mayor P.Puddleduck and local entrepreneur Barry Bramble, both of whom he mentioned in his speech today.
Challenges
Mayor Lucas faces big issues as he settles into his new job. Only on Sunday, as this paper reported, Toyland was all but shunned by Emily and her brother. Lucas may also wish to address dumping of rubbish behind the dolls house and the squalor of toys living in the Smallvanian section of under the bed.
He has received congratulations and support from leaders across the Toyish world, from Mayor Winnie the Pooh of Boston (who said 'I don't remember this kind of fanfare about me becoming Mayor but okay!') to whoever is in charge of Grace's Toyland.
In today's historic landmark souvenir cut-out-and-keep issue of The Toyland Express:
The Gabriel Mayorship: Pull out wallchart guide
'Puddleduckisms', send off for this FREE compendium of various gaffes and mispronunciations made by the former Mayor
First Bratz Mayor - a celebratory story charting Lucas' rise to success
TE
King Cheekius I handed over the ceremonial mayoral medal from P.Puddleduck to Gabriel and wished him good luck, in front of cheering crowds of hundreds of toys, with an estimated six billion more worldwide watching on television or online.
After thanking P.Puddleduck for his time as Mayor, Lucas Gabriel said Smallvania had many challenges to face, such as financial problems for the Bramble Department Store, the cornerstone of the Smallvanian economy, and erratic weather such as the unexplained cold snap in the week of December 27th - January 4th.
'We are a young city,' he said, 'But we have achieved so much. Only a few years ago Toyland was just a pile of blankets and soft toys. The pavement where toys stand today and call Smallvania was an empty walkway for hoovers and a musical dressing table. Look at how far we've come.'
'God bless Toyland, and God bless Smallvania!' he ended emphatically, to thunderous applause.
Busy
While food outlets and cafés in Smallvania were running at full capacity today, crowds stretched back into Boston park, where most shops were closed. Inbound motorway traffic was blocked for the duration of the ceremony, security organisers hoping for the best but planning for the worst - Tuesday being the regular time for a devasting Hurricane Julie.
Historic
The inauguration of Lucas Gabriel is a historic moment for a city that, despite being the most populated and wealthy part of Toyland, has faced its fair share of political conflict. In 2006, Chris and Spurry Steakface lead a coup to seize power away from King Cheeky, who at the time had a castle there.
In its time as part of Toyland, successive mayors have all been male woodland creature Sylvanians (Jeff Badger, P.Puddleduck). Bratz represent less than ten percent of the Smallvania population, and many in the crowd today thought they'd never see a Bratz leader of their city.
'To see a Bratz man take the second most powerful job in Toyland, after King Cheeky, brings a tear to my eye,' smiled Zara, a Bratz housemate of the new mayor.
Making his success even more improbable, Lucas is a second-hand toy from e-Bay. 'It just goes to show that with confidence, values and determination, any toy can get anywhere he or she wants in this great Toyland of ours,' Mayor Lucas noted in his speech.
Journey
Mayor Lucas' taking office marks the end of a long journey that started as far back as April 2008, when the half-Mexican Spanish American burst into Toyland in a yellow cadillac on Emily's ninth birthday. He quickly won the hearts and minds of influential toys around Smallvania, Boston and even the Land of Old Toys.
In November he won a landslide election against the incumbent mayor P.Puddleduck and local entrepreneur Barry Bramble, both of whom he mentioned in his speech today.
Challenges
Mayor Lucas faces big issues as he settles into his new job. Only on Sunday, as this paper reported, Toyland was all but shunned by Emily and her brother. Lucas may also wish to address dumping of rubbish behind the dolls house and the squalor of toys living in the Smallvanian section of under the bed.
He has received congratulations and support from leaders across the Toyish world, from Mayor Winnie the Pooh of Boston (who said 'I don't remember this kind of fanfare about me becoming Mayor but okay!') to whoever is in charge of Grace's Toyland.
In today's historic landmark souvenir cut-out-and-keep issue of The Toyland Express:
The Gabriel Mayorship: Pull out wallchart guide
'Puddleduckisms', send off for this FREE compendium of various gaffes and mispronunciations made by the former Mayor
First Bratz Mayor - a celebratory story charting Lucas' rise to success
TE
Monday, January 19, 2009
Philip visits home, not Toyland
***STOP PRESS: Emily notice the similarities between Arhur's dog Pal and Edward Wafflington in this episode!***
PHILIP VISITED HOME YESTERDAY BUT DID NOT VISIT TOYLAND AT ALL, it emerged last night. He popped in for 'less than five seconds' according to the Toyland webcam, but, as Emily was out, he left.
It was a difficult Sunday for the toys as storylines barely got a look in.
'I wasn't even looked at! No matter how much I yelled, "Play with me, Play with me!"' said local university student Marissa Cooper, adding, 'I was even wearing my best dress!'
Pictured: To play another day? Every toy's worst nightmare
Amid reports from Philip's Toyland that he was 'ill', Adriana Atwood, who glimpsed him briefly, said, 'He wasn't really that sick so don't give me that nonsense!'
Lucas Gabriel was taken out for lunch on ice skates but never even left Emily's bag.
Smallvanian Mayor Puddleduck commented today, in his last day in office, 'I wish I could hand over to the new Mayor and say Toyland was safe, but he is going to have to deal with some huge problems, starting with how much Emily plays with us.'
King Cheeky released an official note from Kensington Palace assuring toys he thought yesterday was just a 'blip' and looked forward to swearing in Mayor Gabriel tomorrow.
TE
PHILIP VISITED HOME YESTERDAY BUT DID NOT VISIT TOYLAND AT ALL, it emerged last night. He popped in for 'less than five seconds' according to the Toyland webcam, but, as Emily was out, he left.
It was a difficult Sunday for the toys as storylines barely got a look in.
'I wasn't even looked at! No matter how much I yelled, "Play with me, Play with me!"' said local university student Marissa Cooper, adding, 'I was even wearing my best dress!'
Pictured: To play another day? Every toy's worst nightmare
Amid reports from Philip's Toyland that he was 'ill', Adriana Atwood, who glimpsed him briefly, said, 'He wasn't really that sick so don't give me that nonsense!'
Lucas Gabriel was taken out for lunch on ice skates but never even left Emily's bag.
Smallvanian Mayor Puddleduck commented today, in his last day in office, 'I wish I could hand over to the new Mayor and say Toyland was safe, but he is going to have to deal with some huge problems, starting with how much Emily plays with us.'
King Cheeky released an official note from Kensington Palace assuring toys he thought yesterday was just a 'blip' and looked forward to swearing in Mayor Gabriel tomorrow.
TE
Friday, January 16, 2009
Polly Pocket Airlines crash into bath
THE POLLY POCKET AIRLINES PLANE CRASHED INTO the bath in the nearest bathroom to Toyland yesterday, at 'around bathtime'. All passengers survived and were unhurt.
'It was crazy,' said Polly, a Polly Pocket doll from Smallvania. 'First thing we were all rushing on board to catch Emily for some bath playtime then the pilot said, "Brace for impact."'
Another passenger, also called Polly, praised the professionalism of the pilot, a brown-haired Polly Pocket.
'Although I do wonder where Supersmall was in all this!' she added, referring to Supersmall, the tiny superhero who lives in Emily's schoolshoes.
The plane is believed to have been flown off course by a sudden gust of air from an opening door, sending it off course from the landing spot, resulting in an emergency landing in the bath itself. The plane is fully plastic and so completely waterproof.
Pictured: A Polly Pocket airlines crash in Grace's Toyland in 2002. Passengers said they were worried the same might occur to them.
Lucas Gabriel, the Mayor-elect who is due to be sworn in on Tuesday afternoon, called pilot Polly a 'heroine'.
Next week in the Toyland Express
Full coverage of the inaugration of Lucas Gabriel as Mayor of Smallvania, with detailed analysis of his oath of office, his speech, the colour of his shoes, the traffic situation throughout Smallvania and Boston Park, and special commentary on a historic day for Toyland.
'It was crazy,' said Polly, a Polly Pocket doll from Smallvania. 'First thing we were all rushing on board to catch Emily for some bath playtime then the pilot said, "Brace for impact."'
Another passenger, also called Polly, praised the professionalism of the pilot, a brown-haired Polly Pocket.
'Although I do wonder where Supersmall was in all this!' she added, referring to Supersmall, the tiny superhero who lives in Emily's schoolshoes.
The plane is believed to have been flown off course by a sudden gust of air from an opening door, sending it off course from the landing spot, resulting in an emergency landing in the bath itself. The plane is fully plastic and so completely waterproof.
Pictured: A Polly Pocket airlines crash in Grace's Toyland in 2002. Passengers said they were worried the same might occur to them.
Lucas Gabriel, the Mayor-elect who is due to be sworn in on Tuesday afternoon, called pilot Polly a 'heroine'.
Next week in the Toyland Express
Full coverage of the inaugration of Lucas Gabriel as Mayor of Smallvania, with detailed analysis of his oath of office, his speech, the colour of his shoes, the traffic situation throughout Smallvania and Boston Park, and special commentary on a historic day for Toyland.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Toyland Express Duck of the Year 2008
THE TOYLAND EXPRESS is proud to name the Duck of the Year 2008 as Ducky Mallard. The award each year goes to the most influential duck in Toyish life, and in the opinion of the judges, Miss Mallard surpassed all other competitors to take the title at the start of 2009.
Ducky faced competition from other Toyland ducks including Mayor Puddleduck of Smallvania, and his daughter and day-pupil at the Bunnage nursery Jemima Puddleduck. Probably the biggest, if not in size, competitor to Ducky's title was Kaitlin Cooper's pet duck Edward Wafflington.
'It's been a big year for ducks,' commentator Mick Reindeer said. 'We've seen ducks in all walks of life, as pets and Mayors, as Bostonians, Smallvanians and probably also Oldsvillians. But Ducky Mallard continues to be by far the most well known duck that Emily owns.'
Despite this success ducks have undergone some problems over the course of 2008. Mayor Puddleduck lost the mayoral election to Lucas Gabriel, a human Bratz doll, and unverified rumours suggest Emily's family ended the year with a meal of cooked duck.
Ducky Mallard wins this award for his multiple achievements this year including going on every single holiday Emily went on, maintaining his house at the top of the bed, and enjoying several spurts of overtaking Marissa Cooper as the most-tagged character on The Toyland Express. Ducky finished the year in France, as pictured above, flying skiing toys around the Alps including the Cooper sisters and new Jellycat Stella Nightingale.
Ducky's Mum, also a duck, was said to be 'especially proud', beaming to reporters utterly speechless with some fresh lipstick on, her McDonald's label proudly displayed. Ducky's Fairy Godmother, who hangs from Emily's ceiling in Boston, sprinkled glitter over Ducky's soft spherical head to congratulate her.
In the past Ducky has shown tremendous bravery over several past operations including a double heart bypass and a voice transplant, as well as a restuffing. She starts 2009 with toys finally universally calling her a girl and with the correct 'she' and 'her' pronouns. She returned to her studies at the Duckdale Academy yesterday.
Past winners of the Duck of the Year award include Edd the Duck.
Ducky is four years old.
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